A common question by curious couples is why is swinging not cheating? If you are having sex with someone outside of your relationship, it must be cheating, right? Well when a person cheats it is less about the actual sex act and more about broken trust and deceiving their partner. The cheater is lying and sometimes they even enjoy the excitement from doing things behind their partner’s back.
Swinging, on the other hand, is about working together to jointly expand you and your partner’s sexual horizons. There are no lies or broken trust. Matter of fact swinging generally requires couples to honestly communicate even more with each other.
What is cheating?
If you have to do something behind your partner’s back like deleting texts, hiding your actions or even sneaking out of the house to see someone, then this is probably considered as cheating. You don’t even need to have sex with other people to be cheating. You can be emotionally cheating on your partner but intimately sharing and confiding in another person and breaking your partner’s trust.
We aren’t here to tell you how to live your life. Each couple has their own definition of what cheating is to them and this can range from any physical contact (that includes kissing or even holding hands), to sexting to being emotionally attached to a different person. You should live by the rules and definitions that work for you and your partner.
The key aspect about this is finding common ground within your relationship in order to make clear what cheating is and what is not. There isn’t a right or wrong answer to this, in fact, this solely depends on how you feel individually and as a couple.
Thinking about swinging
It’s great that you are thinking about swinging, as that is the first step towards being in this lifestyle.
When you swing, it’s like you have created an alternative and safe place that can co-exist outside of your vanilla day to day life, but you have also created a place where you can discuss how you feel without feeling like people are looking down on you or laughing at you.
Swinging can also be looked at as the place and moment where you can have sort of a reserved place where you can exercise you and your partner’s desires, either together, or separately but in the same location.
There should be no secrets when you are swinging. There are no ‘’sneaking behind the back’’ type of situations when you swing, because swingers don’t want to be involved in any situation like that. Swinging couples don’t want any drama or deceit. There are no lies flying around either, or at least, there shouldn’t be.
When you swing you are also openly engaging in sexual activities with a different couples, with swingers who are not your partner. And when you are doing this, your partner is giving you his or her consent in order to continue to do so.
Swinging is an activity where couples enjoy together and not an activity where you go behind your partner’s back. However, swinging is not for everyone. As a matter of fact, swinging is for those who are comfortable enough and have already built a great loving, trusting & supportive relationship between themselves.
When you ask a couple who has been swinging for a long time what are their thoughts on swinging and how their relationship has changed, then a common answer you will get is that they have become closer, as if they are more attached now that they are swingers than ever before.
Life Isn’t Perfect, Including Swinging Lifestyle
Of course, there are also some swingers who cheat, we are all humans and we all make mistakes, but if a person likes to cheat then they will do it, regardless of whether they are in an open relationship or not. Swinging won’t save a marriage especially one that has many severe flaws.
But swinging doesn’t mean that you are automatically cheating and it definitely doesn’t make you a cheater because you and your partner have already spoken about your own private rules and boundaries in order to have a good swinging experience.
Some tips for a good swinging relationship
- Don’t act on your impulses.
There are many times when you could act impulsively (especially when you are with a new person). Validate your emotions, see how you feel and acknowledge your intense desires. When in doubt, better to go slower and wait. There is no need to risk anything because you acted in the heat of the moment. You can always do more, the next time after you have thought about it and talked with your own partner.
- Understand the differences between swinging and polyamory
Talk to your partner and figure out what you both want. Swingers usually see sex with others as a recreational activity that happens to be fun and also brings a lot of pleasure to the relationship. On the other hand, polyamory couples tend to see sexual relations as deeply rooted in the emotions they feel for each other. Talk to your partner, see how he or she feels and realize whether you would like to have a swinging or polyamory relationship where you can develop the love you feel towards others as well.
- Swinging also means embracing your sexuality
Once you start swinging it would be good to become less judgmental and more in tune with your body and your desires. Whether you like being with a type of person or not, swinging allows you to explore different options you probably didn’t have while you were in a monogamous relationship. You can explore what or who turns you on. Swinging allows you to explore these new areas of your sexuality without feeling guilty. Quite the opposite occurs actually, as most of the time you are being encouraged to find out what suits you and your partner.
Love Each Other First
If you are in a relationship where either one of you has cheated before, then you may want to reconsider joining the swinging community. Being able to confidently trust each other is very important and often the difference between a successful relationship and an unsuccessful one (regardless of whether they are swingers or not).
In order to trust each other, you both need to be honest. If you are cheating or worried about cheating then you are not being honest. It is wise to focus on perfecting your own relationship before thinking about swinging. Address the flaws in your own relationship before adding any extra stress to it. Swinging is not a good match for everyone. You want to make sure you have a happy relationship by being trustworthy and honest with each other so you can both enjoy your life experiences.