Swingers are normal, everyday people like you. They live in your town. You walk past them every day. The only thing that makes a swinger a swinger is a desire to have consensual, sexy fun with other sexy people!
Swingers are part of the “lifestyle”. The lifestyle is a generic term that includes many groups of different sexy flavors, including swingers, voyeurs, and fetish fans. Monogamous people who enjoy spending time in a sexy, open-minded setting can be part of the lifestyle. It’s safe to assume that all swingers are part of the lifestyle, but not all people in the lifestyle want a non-monogamous relationship.
A study in 2014 found about 5% of adults in relationships were in a consensual, non-monogamous relationship.  Of course, any scientific data about swingers or sex should be taken with a grain of salt or a whole lot of caution. Research about sex and swinging can have accuracy issues due to social stigma & fear. That being said, it’s nice to know that at least 5% of couples in the study were brave enough to admit to being part of the swinging lifestyle!
You might want to know how to “spot a swinger”. What does a swinger look like? Imagine your local supermarket on an average day. That is what you will find in the lifestyle. Some people will be young, in their 20s or early 30s, but not a large percentage. More commonly, you will find couples in their 40s or older. These people are usually done raising their children, or have teenagers that don’t need a babysitter while mom & dad go out and have sexy fun.
Looking beyond age groups, you’ll find skinny swingers and overweight swingers and plenty of swingers in between. You’ll find swingers of all races and ethnicities, coming from all over the world. There are white and black swingers. Swingers are nurses, cops, lawyers, plumbers, teachers, office workers, and everything else. Many have college degrees, many don’t.
The thing most people in the lifestyle have in common is their relationship status. The vast majority are heterosexual couples. These couples might have been dating for a few months or married for years, but most swingers are in committed relationships.
This doesn’t mean that there are no single people in the lifestyle. There are quite a few single people but they are outnumbered by the couples in the lifestyle.
Single women in the lifestyle are known as “unicorns”, because they can be hard to find like the mythical equine and tend to be in high demand from many couples. Single men in the lifestyle are known as … actually they don’t have a special nickname because they are a bit underappreciated even though they tend to be very respectful and fun guys. In our Swingles article, we cover more tips for singles and couples interested in swinging with them. For now let’s get back to who swings.
Yes, there are already swingers in your town.
You probably never realized it, but there are swingers in your town. There’s no special tattoo or secret pin that distinguishes a swinger from vanilla people. We have yet to hear of a neon sign following around a lifestyler around town. You can be discreet and still enjoy a sexy swinging life. All you need to join the lifestyle is a sex-positive attitude, respect for others, and the desire to have a good time!
Remember that being a swinger is about having fun. Weird as it sounds, there is no expectation of sex in the swinging lifestyle. We aren’t nymphomaniacs. Swingers have sex only when they want to have sex and only with people they want to have sex with. Yes, there is a lot of sex going on, but only when everyone involved has agreed to it wholeheartedly. If a swinger doesn’t feel like having sex, they don’t have sex. It is just that simple. You can attend a party and have fun without getting physical at all. It is common to attend a swinger event and see fully clothed people having a fantastic time.
Swingers do need to respect other swingers and honor individual boundaries. Swingers know how to keep their hands to themselves. They ask before doing anything and everyone knows that NO means NO. If you aren’t interested in playing with a couple, you don’t need to make up an excuse. Just politely decline and continue having fun. It is a no-pressure lifestyle shared by sex-positive, respectful people.
Of course, there are the occasional bad apples. Nothing in life is perfect, including the lifestyle. Overall, respect and honoring personal boundaries is very important to the swinging community and swingers will stand up for each other. Swingers want to maintain a sexy, fun, non-threatening atmosphere, and will try to make sure everyone is comfortable – newbies included!
It’s important that you don’t enter the lifestyle thinking that it’s going to be free-for-all sex party 24/7. If you think it was hard to hook-up with someone when you were single, you’ll probably find that it’s harder when you’re swinging as a couple. Instead of making a connection with one other person, you are now trying to find a four-way connection between you & your partner and the other couple.
By now, you might be wondering if you could fit in at a swinger event. As long as you’re not rude or disrespectful, the answer is probably yes! The lifestyle accepts adults of all shapes, ages, and experience levels. Just have an open mind, find consent and communication sexy, and you can fit right in with the lifestyle.
If you’re worried about not fitting in due to your weight or general shape, RELAX! We weren’t kidding about swingers coming in all shapes and sizes. Swingers are an accepting group. What’s more important than how you look is how you feel. Many men say confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can wear, and most women will take a nice guy with a few extra pounds over a jerk with rippling abs any day. That said, keep in mind that a little endurance goes a long way. As unbelievable as it sounds, play sessions can last for hours and be action-packed, if the chemistry is right.
This is not an exaggeration. Many couples find that they must fit physical intimacy into just a few minutes when they’re at home. These same couples often find the lifestyle lets them set aside extended periods of time to focus on enjoying each other. (Oh, and enjoying sex!) With no distractions and fewer time constraints, couples can let go of their stresses and forget about going to the post office before it closes or getting to the grocery store in time to make dinner. There’s no pressure to climax quickly so you can make the kids’ lunches. Swinging events allow you to relax and enjoy your body and your partner’s body, with some new ones thrown in for fun.
Rest assured that you will be a welcome addition to a swinger event. Walk in with a smile and a positive attitude and you will meet an amazing group of people.
 Rubin, J. D., (2014). On the margins: Considering diversity among consensually non-monogamous relationships. Journal für Psychologie, 22(1).