As much as the swinging lifestyle can be a source of smiles for many couples, it is not always the best option for a relationship. Many different reasons can make couples wonder if they should stop swinging or take a break from it.
We all need to be our own best advocates. Sometimes that means recognizing when swinging is no longer the right choice for our relationship.
For example, Maria and Mark are successful entrepreneurs who started to swing a few years before they got married at ages 30 and 32. Despite their busy lives, they were always making time for attending swinger parties and meeting new people. The lifestyle allowed them to deepen their connection and find more pleasure and intimacy in their relationship. When they decided to have a baby, Maria and Mark knew that things were likely to change. Still, they found it hard to consider giving up on swinging, after more than seven years of enjoying the lifestyle. They agreed to put swinging on hold for a year and then reevaluate.
It is common for couples to think about stopping or pausing swinging at some point in their relationship.
Maria’s and Mark’s story is just one of the many scenarios. The reasons to end or pause swinging can be different, depending on what individual and couple’s needs and life circumstances are and the significance a couple attributes to them. The goal is to always be on the same page and have a shared understanding of why quitting the lifestyle or taking a break from it is the needed or wanted solution.
How Does a Couple Decide to Stop or Take a Break?
It takes two to start swinging, but it can only take one person to end it. Though it may not sound fair to the partner that wants to continue with the lifestyle, if the other partner does not feel comfortable swinging, the couple should consider taking a break or ending it.
The decision itself is important, but it’s also important how a couple works together leading up to that decision. A couple should think about how they handle their decision making and consider what happens after they make the decision.
When considering a break from the swinging lifestyle, a couple should be sure to acknowledge and address the needs of both partners. Although only one partner might have a strong desire to stop swinging or take a pause from the lifestyle, both partners’ views are important. It can be very hurtful when a person does not feel their perspective has been heard and considered by their partner, and that can lead to relationship issues.
A thoughtful and considerate process of deciding to stop or take a break from swinging can help strengthen your relationship. Swinging should not come before the relationship, as it is intended more to be a bonus to your relationship, communication, trust, love, and intimacy. Those elements are more important and rewarding than swinging experiences.
This is not always an easy process, especially when the need to quit or pause swinging is not shared. If your relationship is having trouble with open and honest communication, you can seek out a sex-positive therapist to help facilitate a healthier discussion for you and your partner as you navigate this potential transition.
Common Reasons to Stop or Pause Swinging?
Just as the motivation to start differs from couple to couple, so does the motivation to stop or take a break.
Still, there are some common reasons for which couples decide to take a step back from swinging.
Pregnancy is a very common reason for ending or taking a break from swinging. The physiological and physical effects of pregnancy can affect a woman’s ability to fully enjoy swinging. Even if a couple feels comfortable with swinging while pregnant, it can be challenging to find other couples that agree with the arrangement. The reasons for pausing or ending swinging when pregnant can also be psychological. For example, a couple may find swinging to be incompatible with their future parental role.
- Medical Issues
Health issues can affect our libido and physical energy. Couples should make sure they always prioritize their health. That is why some couples may find it necessary to take a break or to end their time swinging so they can focus on their health issues. These issues can be wide-ranging including STD issues, cancer scares, or even plastic surgery plans.
Abiding by your swinger rules sets the foundation of trust and ensures that everyone feels comfortable and safe in swinging. When the boundaries defined by your rules are crossed, you may feel a need to withdraw and focus on ways to mend the broken trust. The negative experiences of rule-breaking can affect a couple’s willingness to get involved with the lifestyle again.
- Rules Need to Change
It is common for a couple to change their preferences as time passes. Partners could start wanting different things than they initially agreed to try. If swinging is no longer satisfying for both partners, they may need to pause swinging to revisit the rules they have agreed to in the first place so they can find a better arrangement.
- Need is No Longer There
Couples start swinging for many different reasons. As time passes, the reasons that originally made swinging attractive may become outdated and no longer relevant as our lives change. For example, some couples may have been looking for more excitement to spice up their sex life. Later on, this need may no longer be there. Other priorities or needs may shadow the one that brought them into swinging. It can also happen that the lifestyle may no longer be as appealing to them as it used to be.
- Life Transitions and Other Priorities
Sometimes life gets in the way of swinging. Sometimes, life transitions such as moving, changing careers, or a family crisis can become over-consuming and we cannot simply focus on anything else but finding the balance and resolution in our current challenges. It is then that a couple can decide to take a break from swinging and focus their energy on their vanilla struggles. Even if only one of you changes your mind and decides you want to switch back to monogamy you both should take a step back and focus on your relationship.
- Lack of Availability
A couple may simply be too busy with their lives and lack enough free time to enjoy the swinging lifestyle. The logistics around swinging can take up a good amount of time and effort. A couple may find that the lifestyle is overly time-consuming and causing more stress than pleasure. It is a common reason why couples take a break.
- Personal Insecurities and Challenges
We all experience insecurities and challenges that are more or less difficult to handle. With all of its complexities, juggling a swinging relationship along with the personal issues may be overwhelming for a person. If one of the partners is not able to enjoy swinging, they should not be in a position to have to take one for the team. The decision to stop or take a break from swinging is the act of understanding and support for a partner to work through their challenges.
- Bad Experience with Swinging
Just as we take time to recover from a bad date or a bad experience, a swinging couple may need some time to recover from the disappointment or exhaustion of a swinging experience. Negative experiences can help couples refine their selection criteria, but it can also make them reconsider the lifestyle as a whole.
- Relationship Challenges
Swingers should have a strong relationship to rely upon. If the relationship is suffering, swinging is not likely to improve it. This is why to effectively handle challenges, a couple may need to pull back from the lifestyle and work on resolving their personal relationship issues without any of the extra complications swinging can introduce. Life can become too complicated and stressful. Instead of trying to juggle it all, your relationship and happiness can flourish when you simplify things. You can always add things back into the mix later when you have free time & energy to share.
- Growing Too Old
This isn’t a common reason for stepping back from swinging as much as it is a common worry among some swingers. In reality, many mature swingers are 50+ and 60+ years old including many seniors starting to swing. With the helpful assistance of ED pills, performance is less of a concern for mature men. With the advances in nutrition, fitness, and even cosmetic surgery, swingers can look vibrant & sexy beyond their years. Living a healthy life & avoiding sun damage with sunblock can truly make us look many years younger. Besides veteran swingers know that true sexiness comes more from fun & confident attitudes. Here are some tips for overcoming thoughts of insecurity over younger swingers.
What About Your Swinger Friends?
It’s up to a couple to decide if they want to share the reasons behind their decision to end or take a break from swinging. You need to figure out what is best for you and your relationship. Your swinger friends are not the priority right now. Your relationship is the top priority.
Some reasons may feel too intimate to share, in which case a couple can simply say that the reason is private. On some occasions, a couple may mask the real reason by naming one that feels more common and understandable like saying you are too busy with your vanilla life. There is no need to further explain or justify your decision to other couples.
Who a couple shares the decision with and when is the right time to do so, again, depends on what they agree to.
Whatever a couple decides to do, they need to make sure to prioritize their relationship.
A relationship is what enables swinging, not vice versa.
This is why the relationship comes first. The building blocks of it are trust, good communication, mutual support and understanding, love, and intimacy.
The priority is to build off of that foundation.