In a world where we have the freedom to live and embrace the lifestyle we want, we all have the right to explore things that will work for us, make us feel comfortable, free, and most importantly, alive. Like most life forms, we humans reproduce sexually.
But as humans, sex is not just about procreation. It is about connection, socialization, and belongingness. It is a need, and we have the choice of what kind of approach we can take to satisfy that need.
Sex gives us our identity and preference as we learn and understand that this activity should be helping us be in touch with ourselves. A swinger lifestyle is growing in popularity in today’s society. However, to live this life, and to live it successfully, you need to know what this is all about.
Before diving in, you need to understand the basics first.
What is Swinging?
Swinging is a practice or activity in which people, both singles and those in non-monogamous relationships, engage in sexual activities with other people as a form of socialization or as recreational event. It is more of a lifestyle than a habit, as it involves a way of life and a distinct engagement in a particular community.
Contrary to popular belief, swinging is not the same with polyamory, which involves romantic bonds. In contrast, swinging focuses on physical connection.
Swinging can be a planned event between participants, or it can be something spontaneous. It can be done in small, more intimate pairs, or a large crowd. An individual or a couple in swinging relationship would be called a swinger, and those who have successfully embraced this lifestyle reported a significant increase in sexual activity in terms of both quantity and quality.
Common Misconceptions About Swinging
The most common misconception about swinging is that it is just sex. While sex plays an important role in being a swinger, it is more of a holistic journey of finding yourself, exploring life through waves of company and pleasure, and finding a group of like-minded people from different walks of life.
There is so much more to being a swinger, especially when you reach that point that you already consider yourself as a successful one. It can be an experience that will help you understand yourself more, especially your physiologic needs and the need for social connection.
Another highly publicized misconception about swinging is that it is exclusive only to older couples who’ve been married for decades. While a significant population of swingers are older married couples, the population of young swinger professionals does not lag behind. You will most likely find a group same age as you are, although this should not limit you from finding your preference by exploring both younger and older groups.
How to Be a Successful Swinger
Success is a very subjective word, and different people have different definitions of success, even for swingers. However, here are some tips that you can follow to set you on your path towards a successful swinger’s journey.
Communicate, and Communicate More
Communication will always be the foundation of being a successful swinger. A swinger lifestyle will need a lot of communication (both verbal and non-verbal ones) in order for it to work.
Communication will also allow you to be comfortable, as it promotes trust and rapport, which in turn leads to better connection and more pleasurable company.
You should be able to maintain open communication with your partner (if you have one) and your co-participants because it strips down doubts and insecurities that may otherwise spoil the overall experience. Remember that the worst thing that can happen during a swinger’s event is a severe lack of communication, which can lead to a domino effect of bad experiences.
Take Small Steps
You don’t need to go full blast and jump right into the next party with a large crowd. Start testing the waters by establishing or participating in smaller, more intimate groups. This helps you and your partner, as well as the other participants, form a bond to feel more comfortable in each other’s company.
Sometimes, small steps are just casual meetups over a cup of coffee, which will eventually bloom and progress into more intense and pleasurable moments.
Try Something New
It is highly likely that your first few encounters will let you try things that are not really your thing, and that is totally normal. Being a swinger means exploring new things, and through that process, you’ll learn and find something that you never thought you wanted or needed until you’ve tried it. Always try something new, as long as it is safe and done with caution.
Practice Safe Sex
As a sexual-facing form of lifestyle, always practice safe sex. Always be ready for spur of the moment events because sexually transmitted diseases remain a very uncomfortable topic to discuss, even within the corners of the swingers community.
Be in the moment, and let contracting an illness be the last (if at all) thing you should worry about by practicing safe sex, no matter how adventurous you are.
Set Your Boundaries
Swinging is filled with a series of individual boundaries. There are what we call as house rules, and then there are individual rules and limitations. For example, there are swingers who only do petting or foreplay, which is called soft swapping or a soft swap. A more rigorous version that involves penetrative sex while swinging is referred to as full swapping or a full swap. It is very important that you as a participant know the boundaries, and the other party should know it, too.
These boundaries can be clearly defined and discussed by communicating with your partner and other couples participating. Talk about it to find out your comfort level, and only proceed once a mutual agreement is met. Consent is one of the most important foundations of becoming a successful swinger.
Observe Swinging Etiquette
Swinging etiquette is more pronounced in bigger groups, and for smaller events, this can be referred to as the house rules. Swinging etiquette can cover a broad range of rules and restrictions, from dress code, alcohol, reservations, things to bring, and even rules on nudity. These rules allow a more streamlined approach for participants without breaching boundaries.
Establish Signals
Swingers who are still testing the waters and immersed in the heat of the moment may feel uncomfortable or nervous about a particular act or situation. Always remember that this response is absolutely natural. It is best to establish boundaries, or better if this is in form of a code or a signal to help you and your partner communicate easily. Signals can also help encourage each other to continue or to express clearly that you are not ready yet.
Enjoy the Experience
This is the most important part of becoming a successful swinger. You are in for an experience, and through those experiences, you gain momentum, you find yourself, and you become complete.
Statistics have confirmed that couples who open themselves to experiencing a swinger lifestyle even just for once gain numerous benefits and advantages not limited to just knowing how swinging feels like. It can help develop mutual trust, communication, better intimacy, and of course, amplified pleasure.
Conclusion
Becoming a successful swinger means becoming confident with yourself, embracing your limitations, and being comfortable in a community that is on the same wavelength as yours. You will be surprised how much this lifestyle can reward you, especially when you press the right buttons and spend time with the right set of people.
“Life is like a swing, moving up and down. Just hold it tight, and enjoy the ride!”
– Sana Mahin