We’ve all been there before. Standing in front of the mirror, wondering where to start, how to lose all that weight that slowly crept up on us. Maybe you look at yourself in your new dad jeans and wonder where your abs went. Maybe you had a baby and don’t recognize your breasts anymore. Whether you are new to the swinger community or are dealing with body changes that make you feel insecure, it is common to worry about others’ opinions about your physical appearance and question if anyone is going to think you’re sexy.
Body image issues are something many of us are often dealing with. And one of the main reasons for our insecurities is body weight. You feel either too fat or too skinny. You worry that you’re too muscular for a woman or that you’re not jacked enough for a man. Whatever it is, it is almost impossible to satisfy the unrealistic beauty standards represented in airbrushed and photoshopped pictures all around us. There’s no changing the fact that we get bombarded by images of “perfection” every day.
But there is something you can change. Your attitude and perspective.
Enjoying swinging no matter your weight
Weight insecurities can easily have a negative impact on different areas of your life, including your sex life.
To enjoy sex, you really have to feel secure in the moment. Secure and free to just be. It is hard to focus on the joys of sex, relaxing and surrendering to your partner’s skills, when your mind is obsessing over things like is this position flattering, am i too heavy to get on top, etc.
Worrying about weight and how your compares to others is somewhat more common among new swingers than veterans. In part, this is because most newcomers will first look on swinging websites to find partners. If you’ve tried that, you know what we are talking about: Photos of people with bodies looking like they spend their days in the gym or like they won the genetic lottery are everywhere. On the other hand, veterans know that what you see in pictures is not always what you find IRL.
It is OK if you don’t look like the people in those photos. Not even all the people in the photos you are comparing yourself to look like that anymore. Sure, some of them do. But, more often than not, those photos lie a little bit.
Look at it this way. You probably always try to present yourself in the best light possible. Well, so does everybody else. So it is not unusual for people to use old photos or photos taken in a specific pose, from a certain angle, and under a specific light to look better.
If you are considering doing the same, our advice to you would be – don’t. Show your body how it really is and be honest in your profile info. Do you really want to use stolen or old pictures to entice couples only to then worry about their reactions when they finally meet the real you? Confidence is sexy; deception is not.
Visit swingers clubs on any given night and you’ll see a wide range of body types. Smaller, bigger, thinner, thicker – you’ll see it all. And you’ll see people of all types enjoying their wonderful, sexy selves.
How is that possible?
Confidence is sexy. Being comfortable in your own skin goes a long way toward drawing people in. You don’t have to have a “perfect” body to be “perfect” company. Just relax and show that you are interested in others. A little sexy flirting helps too. Yes, looks matter. But they matter less than you think to most people. Most people will choose to steer clear of the sour-looking centerfold and instead approach the smiling guy-next-door.
Feeling better about your weight and your body
Don’t give up on things you enjoy, or might enjoy, because you think you don’t look good enough for them. Sooner or later, you will regret you didn’t at least try.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What some find unattractive, some will see as sexy and appealing. The truth is that not everyone is going to find you irresistible. So be it. You don’t think every person you come across is sexy as hell, right? The swinger community, with its inclusiveness and diversity, is full of different types of people. It’s a lot like an adult candy store – something for every taste and craving.
Here are some things you can do to boost your confidence and start feeling more comfortable in your body:
Treat your body with respect. – No matter its size or shape, your body supports you every day. Treat it with the respect it deserves.
Exercise. – Working out has a lot of benefits beyond weight control. Regular exercise alleviates stress, boosts energy, and sharpens mental focus. A lot of different activities do the trick. You don’t have to become a long distance runner to let your body move in ways it finds empowering.
Remember you are more than your weight. – There are so many more interesting things about you than your weight or your muscles or your stretch marks.
Celebrate all the things you love about yourself. – Focus on what you consider your best qualities. Let your partner tell you what makes you a rock star.
Get to know your body. – Spend time naked, touch yourself, give yourself the opportunity to learn exactly what turns you on. The more you get to know your body, the more you will be able to enjoy it.
Experiment with different sex positions. – You may find that you are more relaxed and better able to enjoy certain positions. Orgasms are good for you. Have a lot of them.
Do the things that make you feel sexy more often. – Whether it’s wearing ultra-racy lingerie under your conservative work clothes or strutting around in your new boxer-briefs, do whatever it takes to bring out the sexy beast living inside you. Do them often.
Once you start feeling comfortable in your own body, it shows. That energy attracts. It sends a message you know how to enjoy yourself, and others will want to enjoy you too.