You’ve been to the website. You’ve checked out the dress code, got an idea of the layout, and maybe even looked at the drinks and snacks menu. You are all ready to go to the local swinger club. Apart from maybe one thing.
How the hell do you even start a conversation inside of them? How do you present yourself to other people, even if they are all there for the same reasons you are?
Like any club environment, it can be nerve-racking the first time trying to strike up conversations. The fear of rejection can even be pronounced because a rejection here might feel like it’s also about limiting your sexual liberation.
Your First Swinger Club Visit
The best thing to do for your first time is not to go in expecting to find swinger play partners immediately. Sure, it is fantastic if that does happen, and it might even be what you want. But try to go in with the viewpoint of making new contacts and take the time to learn about your local scene.
Set realistic expectations. You might not be attracted to any of the couples at the party that night. The couple you want to chat with might have already connected with another swinger couple. Be flexible, and remember, nothing is guaranteed in a swinger club.
This article can only explain so much; it cannot describe every club environment. Each place has its own little kinks and twists. Its own kind of clientele. Reach out to other couples attending the swinger club. You can usually find an RSVP list on your local swinger site. This will help you jumpstart a conversation with some online chatting, and you will no longer be walking into a room full of strangers.
Good Conversation Topics
The good topics to talk about, wherever you are there for your first time or your twentieth, are the standard you’d talk about in any club environment. Say Hello. Compliment an outfit or a particularly dashing piece of makeup. Talk about the décor of the place, the people & their costumes, the drink service, or how good or bad the food is.
Really, sometimes it’s as simple as going up to someone and just saying “Hello.” No fancy thinking about what to say, nothing. Just walk towards them, say hello, and see where the conversation goes.
With these kinds of general conversations, it’s about getting to know someone. You’ll all know exactly what you are here for, so you both know the true purpose of this kind of conversation. But playing with other swingers is always more fun when you do have that base to start with.
Worst Conversation Topics
Unless you ooze self-confidence and charm out of every pore, going straight up to someone and giving them a proposition is a bad idea. Most people would like to get to know someone before starting anything with them.
Another wrong step that is different from vanilla clubs is talking about work-life. Some people can be very guarded about being a member of the swinging lifestyle. After all, not everyone (like maybe their boss) is open-minded. Besides, work is usually a source of stress for people, so steer clear of it. Focus on the happier things in life, like drinks, music, sports, and vacation plans.
Of course, what could be considered a lousy topic varies between swingers, so the best way to find this one out is to pay attention to their reactions. Use their social cues to know when you should drop a topic or not.
How About Sample Opening Lines?
We weren’t joking when we said the simplest way to get chatting in a swinger club is to simply just start with the words “Hello”, (or “Hi”, or “Hey” or any other flavor that rolls off your tongue). Still, sometimes it does feel more comfortable if you have a few lines to fall back onto. Also, although the best recommendation is to strike up natural conversations first, maybe you do want to try to be bold and start with some more charged openers. In this case, you can try these on for sizes:
- Hey, we/I saw you across the room, and you look amazing! Where did you find your outfit?
- Your [jewelery/makeup/dancing/etc.] is awesome! Where did you find it/learn it?
- Hey, we’re new here. What would you recommend for us to drink/eat/visit/check out? – This line is great if it is true because it immediately sets up expectations, and generally, swingers are very happy to meet new people and show them the ropes.
Expert Flirting Tips
One of the best places to approach people is the same as anywhere else, at the bar. Here people are settling down and getting prepared. They aren’t quite into play mode yet and might just be scouting out what activities are available to them this evening or what they want.
It doesn’t have only to be the bar area. There are usually plenty of places within swinger clubs to find partners to chat with, wherever it’s leaning against a wall or sitting down. Sometimes, even outside the smoking area can be very lucrative. Even if you don’t smoke, going outside “for some air” can give you great opportunities. Plus, typically, in the outside areas, it is easier to hear the conversation.
Don’t feel afraid of approaching a couple. In some ways, this can be easier as both can join in with the conversation and help ease things up when someone is being silent.
Being Friendly vs. Rudely Interrupting
A big worry about talking with someone is figuring out if you are being friendly or interrupting. None of us want to be rude. To play it safe and work out if you are interrupting, observe the body language. If you are still unclear, then start your opening line with an apology and immediately follow it with a compliment. “Sorry, but I had to tell you that I love your outfit. Where did you find it?” or “Pardon the interruption, but you looked so great on the dance, I just had to compliment you on your moves.”
People love compliments (especially men who are rarely complimented). Even if you interrupt them, they will be happy for the compliment. Kind words work better than magic spells to make connections.
Extra Effort Options
If you are still unsure of yourself, here are some unusual ways to break the ice and start chatting.
Wear a crazy costume for the club theme. Why worry about how to start conversations with swingers if you can get them to start talking to you? Go over the top with your sexy costume so the other clubgoers will notice and compliment you. Even wearing an “It’s my birthday sash” will get their attention. Get creative with your costume, and you’ll be rewarded.
Organize a swinger game. Some swinger clubs have games, and if they don’t, you can pack Cards Against Humanity in your swinger bag. Then find an open table and ask all the other shy wallflowers if they would like to play a quick game. This is a great way to slowly ease into things and build a connection.
Bring complimenting business cards. This is definitely extra and unnecessary, but it will make an impression. Go to any online business card printing website & get some cards. Instead of putting your name & address on the card, put a classy compliment like “You look marvelous!” or “Keep being incredible!” & then on the other side, you can put a funny saying like “I’m very shy, but you are too sexy :).” Then you can hand them out to people at the swinger club as an icebreaker. Be creative.
Bring some special drinks to share. Many swinger clubs are BYOB, so you can bring in alcohol. Pulling out a tray of jello shots, fancy champagne or DIY-flavored moonshine, alcohol-infused whip cream, or whatever special thing you think would appeal to others is a great way to break the ice.
It’s Them, Not You
Let’s do a quick reality check. As much as we know swingers are generally a very friendly bunch, not every conversation starter will work. It has nothing to do with you.
Some newer couples can be overwhelmed by a swinger club and too scared to take the next step. Even veteran couples can be having a rough night (maybe they are still stressed out from work or family drama). Don’t let one or two missed connections discourage you.
Focus on the positive! You aren’t wasting time on a bad connection, so you are free to spend more with all the other hot couples in the club that are happy to chat with you.
Time For Swinging!
Maybe you started reading this feeling scared of approaching people. Maybe you still have some of that fear. Please take a deep breath and remember that couples in swinger clubs are there because they want to connect with swingers like you. They choose not to stay home by themselves. They spent their money and looked their best because they wanted a swinger connection. They are there to meet you 🙂
Be friendly and share kind words with everyone. You’ll be surprised how very far simply smiling and saying hello can help you make hot connections in swinging clubs. Go there, be yourself, and make some new friends, ready for new and fun experiences together!