For many swingers, sleepovers aren’t an option. For others, it is the cherry that tops a super sexy lifestyle treat. And for some swingers, sleepovers are just a matter of practicality. When you live in a rural area and have to drive a couple of hours just to get to your playmates’ house, it makes sense to make the most of it, right? Sleepovers can be less about additional play time and more about safety too. What’s a horny couple to do when they’re miles from home, buzzed from a few drinks, and exhausted from hours of hot sex? If sleeping over is an option, it sure seems like a pretty great one.
Whatever the reason you might be considering having your first sleepover, the thought can create some anxiety for even veteran swingers. As always, we are here for you. Some planning and discussion can make this a delightful and stress-free experience!
Discuss Expectations Before Arriving
Some people live spontaneously and prefer to let things happen naturally. Others are planners who try to work out every detail in advance. When preparing for a sleepover, we suggest going with more planning rather than less. At the very lest, setting expectations about what you are and are not comfortable with will help to avoid awkwardness.
Is the overnight date purely about the swinger play, or do you prefer more of a friend with benefits relationship? Are you planning to watch a movie, have dinner, or play video games with each other?
Some of the other things to discuss include:
- What can guests bring to help the hosts?
- Where will everyone sleep – on the couch, in a guest room, in the primary bed?
- If folks will be sleeping in different rooms, will couples sleep together or swap partners for rest as well as play?
- Can play happen if someone falls asleep or wakes up early?
- What time does the fun have to end by? Hopefully, no one will come close to overstaying their welcome, but it is always good to have an established end time that leaves the hosts with a cushion of time before turning the house back over to vanilla responsibilities.
Plan to Face the Unexpected
Even if everything is organized and clearly communicated right down to which towels should be used, the best laid plans sometimes need to be altered. Always be adaptable.
You never know what might happen on a swinger sleepover. If someone is feeling more comfortable than anticipated, the play rules might loosen up a little. Conversely, you might need to pull back a little if anyone feels uncomfortable. Sleepovers can pull up some worries and doubts, even for experienced swingers.
Even if everyone is fine, life can sometimes throw a curveball. Kids can come home earlier than expected from their own sleepover (ack!), or some other surprise can happen. Being flexible will make it easier for everyone.
Share Your Feelings & Check-In Together
Whether you’re preparing for your first sleepover or your 50th, communication is always key. Make sure to communicate with your partner about comfort levels and boundaries. Remember that just because something was okay in the past doesn’t mean it is okay now. Open communication will help keep everyone happy & smiling.
Good idea to have a safe word or code.
Many people aren’t comfortable saying they aren’t OK, especially in front of others. Having secret codewords can be a good way to express how you are honestly feeling to your partner even when surrounded by other people.
Consider a color rating system with three different codewords for each comfort level.
- Green: Means everything is good, and feeling 100% comfortable!
- Yellow: I’m not 100%, but I want to give myself more time to settle in.
- Red: Need to leave now. Feeling very uncomfortable.
The codewords could be as simple as using the color in a sentence like “honey, do you remember those great green apple martinis” or “remind me to pick up some yellow tulips tomorrow.” Or you could use temperatures like “honey, it is so nice & toasty in here” or “brr, I’m feeling too chilly in here.”
Simplify with a Hotel Room
For many swingers, a neutral location like a hotel can feel the most comfortable. You don’t have to worry about preparing your home to host another couple. You can ensure your bedroom is your own private sanctuary away from the lifestyle. And if you are someone who just does not feel comfortable sleeping in other people’s homes, you don’t have to try to just grin & bear it.
A hotel room is a great way to make sure everyone can feel comfortable kicking up their feet. You might even want to upgrade to a suite to have more space for play and/or relaxation. If you love playing in separate rooms, suites can fit the bill.
Intimacy Implications
Sleeping over can feel a good bit more intimate than a sex romp. This is why many swingers prefer not to do sleepovers. They want to keep the intimacy of falling asleep in each other arms limited to their own relationship. Spending a night together can also bring up feelings of vulnerability and potential embarrassments related to things like snoring and bathroom logistics.
Make sure to think twice before acting. Will the added intimacy of falling asleep together be something you can handle or not? It’s important to communicate to your partner and playmates your comfort level honestly.
Fun Sleepover Suggestions
As much as you might be thinking it will be non-stop sex, that is rarely how it works out. The reality is that most bodies can only have so much sexy time before they to recharge. To keep the good times rolling along while you are in between rounds of sexy fun, here are a few suggestions…
- Bring along some board games – drunk Jenga is always fun.
- Cook together – you can swap partners, and one team can work on the meal & the other can work on desserts.
- Movie marathon – complete with a blanket fort to make it extra cozy and ready for fun later.
- Group massages – take turns enjoying a six-handed massage.
- Cupcake decorating – sweet treats are nice & the supplies can be used for body licking fun afterward.
- DIY beer or wine tasting – wrap up some bottles to hide their labels and see what you like.
- Lingerie fashion show – it is a great chance to show off multiple sexy looks.
- Go swimming – If staying at a hotel, take advantage of their pool or hot tub.
What About Separate Sleepovers?
Some couples prefer separate playdates. Having sleepovers with different playmates on the same night can be thrilling and a good way to make sure no one is left home alone.
Before arranging separate sleepovers, it’s important, again, to make sure that everyone is comfortable with it. If you and your partner plan on being with different people, you will also need to communicate to the people you plan on being with what is going on- that way, in case you need to leave because of an emergency with your partner, they will be on the same page.
It’s also important to discuss whether you and your partner will text or call each other during your sleepovers- and again, it’s important to make sure that you are on the same page with your playmates.
Phew! That was a lot of information. So get some rest, talk with your partner, and have fun swinging!