So you’re all set to be a hotwife. You talked things out with your husband, and he’s fine with it. You set your rules. You decided how things will go. Awesome.
Now before you set out to find yourself a strong and sexy bull and officially enter the hotwife scene, there are several things you should check off the list. While these are far from the sexiest aspects of this lifestyle, safety should always be a priority. There will most likely be situations where you’ll be on your own so it would be wise to take precautions and have some safeguards in place.
Ready? Let’s dig in!
First Things First
Let’s clear the big stuff off the table first. What do you and your husband want the hotwife interaction to be like with other men?
In many hotwife relationships (but far from all), there is a desire for the hotwife to seek an ‘alpha male’ who is superior to her husband sexually and physically. You want to make sure you are clear about the degree of humiliation and degradation your husband is okay with to experience or if that is something to be completely avoided.
This is different from a typical Stag and Vixen relationship. In that scenario, the Stag is not a cuckold and there is no humiliation. Instead, he is the alpha male himself. The Stag doesn’t usually like being humiliated, degraded, or emasculated. Sharing his wife fulfills a different type of fantasy that keeps her at the center of everything.
So before things get messed up and you find yourself deep in relationship drama, you need to communicate with your partner to know whether he would prefer humiliation and degradation like many cuckolded men or rather be the alpha aka Stag in the relationship. We want to ensure your relationship stays safe and strong.
Then you can take the next steps in safely finding the right match.
Navigating Bars & Clubs
The next question is: how do you find the right bull for your hotwife experience?
You usually have two options: bars or online. For online meets, the best screening is with the paid swinger sites and their verification process but we’ll get to that in a minute.
If you’re going for bars or swingers clubs, great. They are awesome places to find hot single men. Just take a few precautions to stay safe though.
First, always do your initial meetup in a public place. A bar or club is usually fine; if you’re looking for deep, uninterrupted conversation, then someplace a little quieter like a coffee shop will better suit your needs. Wherever you choose, the point is to have other people around while you get to know each other. Being in public allows you to get to know your potential playmate in a somewhat relaxed environment and makes it easier to leave if your gut suggests anything – any thing – is off.
Second, plan to spend a fair amount of time hanging out and getting to know each other. If you schedule just a quick meet and dash, you won’t give yourself enough time to relax and really tune in to him to assess your connection. How he behaves in the first 10 minutes may be completely different than how he acts almost two hours in. Use this time as an opportunity to check the ‘vibe’. Have a couple of drinks with him. Remember that it is safer to have mostly non-alcoholic drinks so your wits stay sharp and you’ll more easily notice any red flags. Is this person giving you good vibes or an uneasy feeling? You’ll get to know this while you’re drinking with him.
Go with your gut, it never lies. If anything feels off, get out. No matter how mind-blowing you imagine the sex could be, it is not worth your physical or emotional safety.
Text Your Husband or Other Trusted Partner
We’re not suggesting that you live-tweet your date, but it is a good idea to make sure someone knows where you are at all times. Please don’t feel embarrassed doing this in front of your new friend – smart & empowered women are sexy to decent men. You can also sneak into the bathroom if you want to talk with your partner about how your hotwife date is progressing. Many husbands enjoy hearing the details throughout so they can follow along and share in their wife’s enjoyment.
If you plan to stay in a hotel room, send the hotel name and location along with your room number. While your husband won’t necessarily be there with you, it’s a good precautionary measure to keep him in the know of your plans even if he is not physically present. Some men escort their ladies and relax on the other side of the bar while their lady does her thing. It’s super important that you set up a system in place that works for you and your relationship before you go out to ensure you stay safe and everyone feels comfortable.
Also, always keep your phone close by. To protect your privacy, make sure you have an active screen lock.
Don’t ever be embarrassed about protecting yourself. Some hotwives make a point to share their date’s contact information with their partner and/or set up a threeway communication chain that often includes a selfie with the bull to confirm her whereabouts. For a less direct approach, you can tell your new playmate casually, ‘I was so excited about our date today, I told my husband everything about you and our plan!’ A potential troublemaker won’t like hearing that. A good bull will be happy to know your husband is informed and there is no risk of being attacked by a husband who is being cheated on. Any man worth your time will not only respect you but will value your safety as well.
When Meeting Online…
Use the dedicated swinger dating sites. This will minimize the risk of your hotwifing being exposed to friends or family who might have profiles on the vanilla dating sites. Upgrade to a paid account to access the better search filters and for increased privacy controls. When browsing the profiles, use those filters to only search profiles that have been certified or verified. These profiles are vouched for by other swinging couples who have met these single men. This way you can have some comfort that the single men aren’t fakers trying to steal your pictures, nervous rookies who will not show-up, or troublemakers who don’t respect rules. With any online connection, make sure you always properly screen the men.
With all kinds of photo editing tools these days, it’s important that you check your potential partners for authenticity. Make sure they didn’t send somebody else’s photo. Sites like https://www.tineye.com/ will help you do a reverse image search. After you know their picture is legit (and hopefully current!), it is time to think about what pictures you want to share with them. Your potential playmates will want to see what you look like.
Don’t send your whole photo gallery to them. You want to protect your privacy and also not freak them out. When you’re sending photos of yourself, don’t send anything too risque till you know the person. Even when you do know them, it is safer to keep photos of your face and your naked body separate. In case your friend loses their phone or someone is looking over their shoulder, you will still have some protection by keeping those pictures separate. We’re not trying to scare you, but cyberbullying is a real thing and your photos can be used against you anytime so take precautions to stay safe.
One last thing: Random ads you see on the internet of unbelievably hot guys are not the right place to find the right partner. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. It is almost always a trap.
Use Your Own Car
This one might seem trivial, but it is a big deal.
Having the guy chauffeur you around might sound like the ideal swinger date, but it’s better to have your own transportation so you can leave whenever you want. Being in control of where you are going is super important. If something doesn’t feel right you have the power to leave at any time so you can feel more comfortable. You don’t have to worry about relying on a stranger to get you home.
This is a key safety precaution for hotwife dates, but it is also advice we give for all kinds of lifestyle outings. You never want your exit to be at someone else’s mercy if you become sick, something comes up at home, or you are just not having a good time on a date.
Plus using your car, lets you discreetly bring along your hotwifing party bag. You can fill that bag with all the condoms, lube, lingerie, sex toys, and everything else you might want to have during sexy time. If your hotwife date is going great, you can pull that bag out and go find a place to get closer together.
Decide The Right Place
Alright. You did your homework. You prepared well. Now, where do you do the deed?
You have three options: your home, their place, or a hotel room.
Most couples like to keep their homes between themselves and not allow an outsider inside their bedrooms. But some couples are okay with it especially if the bull is someone they trust. It also depends on whether or not you have kids.
If you go to their place, it saves money by not having to pay for a hotel room but it introduces some risks. The less significant risk is that some single men have a different standard of housekeeping and cleanliness. The more significant risk is the safety issue of going to a stranger’s home. This option is probably not the best till you go on a few dates and know your bull better.
If you’d rather go to a hotel room, then there are some additional precautions you should take. We already mentioned sending hotel details to your husband or another trusted partner. Another option is to have your husband wait in the hotel bar or watch you perform in the room. Once you’ve set this safety net in place, relax, and have fun.
Staying Clear Minded
We strongly suggest limiting your alcohol intake when out on a hotwife date, particularly early on in your relationship with a new play partner. Having a clear mind lets you better evaluate your new friend to figure out if they are safe and a compatible match for you want or if they are trainwreck to be avoided.
Also, stay very clear about your expectations and boundaries with your new friend. Don’t be shy, and don’t expect him to read your mind. The sooner you speak up, the quicker you both can figure out if there is a good sexual attraction and you are both are seeking the same scenario.
If you’ve had enough, let the bull know. If you’d rather have more, let him know that too. Tell him how you’d like things to move forward.
Phew… so many precautions and safety tips. You might be thinking all of these precautions feel like a buzzkill. But trust us, being proactive about your safety does not make you boring or the sex less hot. We think taking control of your security is more of a turn on because nothing’s hotter than a woman in charge. You can’t stay sexy and hot if you can’t stay safe!