Shared by Dick & Jane
As Jane came up for air, it was abundantly clear that we’d tapped into something thrilling and sexy as fuck. Her flushed smile betrayed the appropriate enthusiasm for being buried in three pairs of boobs for the first time, “This is awesome!” Jane settled into her cowgirl canter while we encouraged our lovely bed-mates as they worked the largest double dildo we’d ever seen into a varsity-level scissoring maneuver that makes us wet/hard just thinking about it.
As newbs, we only have so much to offer those that have been exploring this thrilling lifestyle in the wild experiences department, but of course, we have a wonderful backstory of our initiation. We can’t wait to see where this journey will take us, and we envy those who have had the courage to dive in. We feel as if we’ve stumbled into an entirely new society, one of testing boundaries in a blanket of enthusiasm, encouragement, patience, and beautifully consensual raunch.
As we found ourselves on NYE 2023 in a Denver hotel room with two other hot couples for our first couples playtime, we’d so far only spent a single exploratory evening at The Scarlet Ranch. We’d diddled each other publicly and had many orgasms those weeks before as we drank in the hottest, sexiest environment we could have hoped for. It had been so welcoming, sexy, and safe that we were confident we’d be back for more. So how would we not find ourselves sharing a bed with the two most attractive couples we’d met that New Year’s night? Isn’t that how this works?! The two hours of bodies, blowjobs, dildos, and orgasms that finished with a naked session of Jalapeño dip, laughter, and toy comparisons exceeded our most ambitious dreams for the night. It was hands down our most memorable NYE ever and could not have been a more perfect introduction to the Lifestyle.
Without a doubt, we credit much of our success to having done our homework. But this was homework like we’d not done before. Of course, it included the usual podcasts (Wanderlust Swingers, OpenLove101, etc), websites (Swingershelp.com, Reddit), and cautiously testing the waters in SDC, FB, and Kasidie. All amazing, all critical to the process.
But the coup de gras was The Sexy Spreadsheet. How to explain The Spreadsheet? It’s only the hottest, most collaborative document we could have dreamed up! This became the most explicit and honest partnered project either of us had ever attempted, and it led to a lot of orgasms before we’d even met another swinging couple. This is a document of columns, multiple text colors, ratings, dreams, fears, questions, and answers, all done independently on a shared Google Doc. Sound boring and/or tedious? Oh, I assure you, it is not!!
I think the Sexy Spreadsheet is best “explained” with a sampling.
What would be a great evening?!
Dick: Some sexy time with another couple. Making some connections and feeling like we want to go back!
Jane: Finding a couple we both enjoy and feel attracted to and getting some play time with them! Having a great night regardless of whether we actually play with anyone else.
Dick: I’m with you. But “Great” to me would be something pretty dynamic and sexy. At least one of us touching stranger boobs!
Jane: I agree. I think “great” then would be finding a couple for a hot makeout, dry hump session and then all having sex next to each other! I also really love the idea of finding a single woman who is into playing with both of us. (I mean, who doesn’t?)
What would be bad?
Dick: Any level of feeling shitty. Getting pressured to go somewhere we don’t want to go. Upsetting each other. Ignoring each other. Going off without the other. Getting drunk and sloppy.
Jane: Agreed. I think we both need to be on our game and not over do the weed or alcohol. That’s the one place we can lose confidence in the other’s decision making.
Dick: Aggressive men. You getting abused in any fashion. Seeing something I can’t unsee (not sure what that would be.) Either of us losing respect or confidence in the other because of what we see/do. One or both of us crushing out.
Jane: Feeling insecure or left out. Playing things by ear and feeling pressured to say yes or going too far in a game time decision. I want to go with the flow but I also recognize I’m not the best with game time decisions. No regrets!
Jane: The kids seeing our location and figuring out what we’re up to! We’ve got to leave the phones in the hotel.
Dick: Fuck it, they’ll just realize they’ve got the coolest parents in town! No, you’re right, that would be bad…..
What’s off the table for now?
Dick: Blow job? Any penetration. Anyone cumming on you.
Jane: Blow job / Eating out. As we learn more about our comfort levels, I may get excited about someone else cumming on me but right now, agreed, that’s a hard stop. You however…..!
Dick: You know I’m going to be eating you out though right? 🙂
Jane: Yes please.
What’s potentially on the table with a mutual check-in?
Dick: Hand job / fingering. Blow job?
Jane: Hand job / fingering. Mouths on boobs. Making out/playing with multiple people? I think I like the idea of fucking you while we’re each making out with someone? Is that even possible? Body jenga!
Dick: An orgasm due to stranger fingering or hand job? Seems varsity level but who knows?! And when to go back to each other to finish the job? If someone else has done all the work is it fair for us to finish each other?
Jane: Oh dang. That’s a good point……I guess if we check-in and fingering/hand job is on the table then an orgasm is kind of also on the table? And does that mean we then are agreeable to giving others orgasms?
Dick: Goodness! If anything like this level of action happens, so will orgasms, especially for you girl!
Jane: I think I’m fine with it as that doesn’t end our night.
Dick: It’s certainly not going to end your night and I don’t think it will mine, but given how many Hard Ons as I’ve had with The Spreadsheet, it’s a possibility!
Jane: Agreed. But I don’t know that I’m ready for this piece yet – either one of us orgasming with someone else. I guess that’s part of the check in if we decide to move on to hand job / fingering. Yum!!
You get the idea!
And, of course, there is an entire spank bank of hotness, openness, and mutual exposure throughout this titillating, 12-page, sexy-assed document. Here are a few more column titles we enthusiastically addressed:
What’s scary? What’s not scary? Exciting for the future? Permanently off the table? What can we veto? What are your fantasies? And a whole page rating enthusiasm for any given act on a scale of 1-5.
The Sexy Spreadsheet is thorough, explicit, created with love and openness and was the single most important step in guiding us safely and together, into our first two amazing and successful experiences. It is something that I would encourage every couple to consider before crossing the threshold into sharing this most intimate and exciting of spaces. We put it all on the table, explored the excitement & fear, addressed those things together, then got down with some beautiful and hot fucking humans! And wonderfully, our experience so far has aligned with what we laid out in our Sexy Spreadsheet!
We greeted 2024 with a sunrise Waffle House omelet, exhausted parts, huge smiles on our faces and big, big love for each other. We can’t wait for the next chapters of this most thrilling of experiments. South Beach watch out!
Thank you all for leading the way and/or joining us on this adventure! And if you ask real nice, we’d love to share The Sexy Spreadsheet.
Sexy Spreadsheet Sample – PDF File
Sexy Spreadsheet Word Doc (right click to download word file)
Swing & Tell is a series of real-life stories from real-life people sharing their experiences with the swinging lifestyle. Please remember that everyone’s situation is unique, so what someone experiences might not be what you will experience. Click here to share your story or read other swinger stories