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You are here: Home / Swinging Basics / Top Screening Questions for Swinging Couples

Top Screening Questions for Swinging Couples

Wondering how to connect with the right swingers for your sexy time? You have enough headaches dealing with your work, family, & friends. We want to make your swinging time a fun and enjoyable experience without any drama or trouble.

How do you spot and identify trouble in the swinging lifestyle? Relax. We are here to give you an easy rundown
on how you can develop the right way to evaluate each swinger couple’s vibe. We are going to ignore their hot and attractive looks. Look past their sexy offers and chat with them to figure out if they are worth of your sexy swinger time. Here are the questions you can use to screen your potential swinger dates.

Initial Screening Questions

  • How long have you been together?
    This helps you figure out if they are in a secure and drama free relationship. Life is too short to waste time dealing with their headaches.
  • How long have you been swinging?
    Are they experienced and ready for action, or will you possibly be facing rookie swinging mistakes and distractions?  It is helpful to know what type of situation you are facing.
  • What do you like best about swinging?
    A chance to uncover if they are trying to save a flawed relationship or if they are doing this for reasons that align with your personal preferences.
  • What are your rules or boundaries?
    Figure out if your rules & boundaries are compatible with their rules & boundaries.
  • When was your last STI check-up?
    Find out if they take safe sex seriously and how they feel about condom use. Don’t assume anything.
  • How do you have fun outside of the bedroom?
    Helps to make a more personal connection and open up conversation/flirting topics later.
  • Can we set up a group chat or have solo chats?
    Using a secure chat app, skype, group email, or whatever helps to ensure everyone is informed and avoid nasty surprises. Sometimes you might want to reach out for a solo chat. You should ask if that is allowed in a group chat first to avoid accidentally offending anyone.
  • What are you hoping will happen?
    Helpful to know what they are thinking so everyone has similar expectations. You don’t need to overplan but it can be helpful to have a general sense of what they want. It’s not fun having a disconnect where one party thinks it is an introductory coffee chat, and the other party thinks it is immediate sex.
  • Do you have any questions?
    This gives the other swinging couple a chance to ask you their questions which can be helpful if they are shy swingers.  The better you understand their priorities, the easier it can be to figure out if they might be a good match for what you are seeking.

Bonus Single Swinger Questions

  • Have you had a threesome before?
    Many swingers are experienced with foursomes but have never had a threesome and might not know how to balance a three-legged chair to ensure everyone is happy and engaged.
  • Why are you looking for a single and not a couple?
    You want to probe if there is any potential jealousy or imbalance in their relationship. Some couples new to opening up their relationship might have jealousy issues preventing them to feel comfortable with a certain gender joining them.
  • Can you play with both of them?
    Some couples like to use a single as a sex toy and not as a teammate. It is smart to fully understand the situation before any clothes fall off.  Be on the lookout for one-sided rules. Ask about kissing and if there are different limits for each person. Is this only bi-action, or everything but bi, or is everyone involved?  Best to ask & not assume.
  • Group play or solo play?
    Some couples are open to separate room play, and others aren’t.  What happens if one falls asleep, arrives late, or leaves early? Can you play with just one of them if the other is or is not in the same room?  If it is solo play, will the other person stay & watch or direct the action?

Planning the Actual Date!

  • Where are you going to meet?
    Most swingers live in different towns, and sometimes these towns can be over an hour’s drive away. Are you going to meet in the middle? Are you going to meet in their town? Does the meeting area have bars, restaurants, and available hotel rooms?
  • Which place are you going to meet up?
    Are you starting in a hotel room, their house, or at a public place? A hotel room implies a fast track to sex. Their house can mean anything. A public place like a bar or restaurant implies building a personal connection before any sexy time. Many people like to meet in public first. If they misrepresented themselves, it can be easier for you to politely end the date and walk away if you are at a public venue.
  • What are you going to do?
    Obviously, you all want to have sex, but what are you going to do before that? Going to a movie theater isn’t great because you don’t have any chance to talk or flirt during the movie. Going to a family-friendly space isn’t great because screaming little children aren’t sexy. Think about something that will give you a chance to chat if you want to build a personal connection before sexy time.  You could go to a pool hall, do a wine tasting, sing karaoke, spend the day at the beach or whatever you like.  Here are some fun & sexy swinger date ideas.
  • What about the next day?
    This is more of a question to ask yourself. Think about the day after. Are you going to sleep over at their house or spend the night in a shared hotel bed, or head home to your own place?  Once it is all over, here are some tips on following-up after swinger dates.

Phew!  That’s a long list of screening questions.  Remember, everyone is different, so feel free to customize this list to reflect what is most important to you.  Stay safe and enjoy swinging 🙂

Last Updated: April 20, 2023
Written By:Dr. Georgia
Tagged With: Safety

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Welcome to Swingers Help! We’re Dr. Georgia & Will Fuchs, a married couple who have been enjoying our swinging time through the consensual non-monogamy community. Our experience hasn’t been perfect or drama-free but we don’t regret at all making the decision to start swinging. To share our swinging enjoyment, we authored the top ranked Swingers’ Little Helper book and provide free videos, articles, games, & relationship exercises on this site.  Join us as we share our insights on the swinging lifestyle.

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