You’d think that by now condoms would be such a simple concept we wouldn’t even need to chat about it, but there’s actually a whole lot to cover! We love condoms because they are a great way to fight STIs and help keep us healthy for more swinging fun. But condoms aren’t perfect.
The sad truth is that some STIs, like herpes or HPV, are passed from skin to skin contact, so you can get them just from hugging or kissing. The other sad truth is that condoms are only helpful when they are used correctly, every single time.
Some swingers play bareback (full penetrative sex without condoms). Sex feels better without condoms; that’s a no-brainer. But condoms keep us safer. Even if some STIs can be spread whether you use a condom or not, plenty of other STIs can’t breach the barrier of a condom. Some protection against STIs is better than none at all! Imagine a cop not wearing a bulletproof vest because it doesn’t keep their legs safe; that’s silly, right? So why would you not use a condom that could protect you from HIV, just because it won’t protect you from 100% of all STIs? Using condoms is smart, safe, and highly recommended.
What about those bareback swingers? Are they reckless and dangerous? Not necessarily; some swingers only play bareback with a certain group of trusted partners and fluid bonded friends. Those people are responsibly making an informed consensual decision.
Of course, there are people who don’t use condoms outside of a closed, fluid-bonded situation. You might want to avoid playing with them to lower your risks. Safer sex starts with avoiding people who put themselves and you at risk. We suggest you play with people who value safer decisions.
Most swinger couples are awesome and play wisely. However, if you’re in the lifestyle long enough, you might encounter an unsafe couple. They may try to push you into playing bareback. They may act offended if you ask them to wear a condom, because they feel it implies they are dirty. They may even try to slip in without a condom during heated foreplay. None of this is cool, and you should immediately walk away from these people. If you and your partner made a rule to always use condoms, that rule should hold true even during the most heated, passionate moments.
Most swingers are great people and will respect your rules but mistakes do happen. Another swinger might have had too much to drink. If you suspect a potential play partner has had too much to drink, you should avoid them until they are ready to think more clearly. If you feel pressure from another swinger to do something that doesn’t feel safe, STOP! If you are swinging as a couple, let your loved one know immediately and get out of that situation. Don’t worry about hurting their feelings. Your first obligation is to protect you and your partner from bad apples.
OK, now that we’ve talked about why you should use condoms, let’s talk about how to use condoms. Guys, we know that condoms don’t feel the best and can make it more likely to have erection problems when swinging. Not all condoms are created equal. There are many different styles and brands of condoms. You just need to find the best match for you to maximize your enjoyment and sensations.
The three biggest differences in condoms are how long, how wide, and how thick. You’ll probably want to avoid extra-thick condoms unless you’re aiming to delay your orgasm – in the case of men who finish too quickly, or if you’re gearing up for a super-heated, multi-hour session, thickness might be a huge benefit. But most of the time, you want to go thinner, so you can experience more sensation. There are many new super-thin condoms that didn’t even exist five years ago. Trojan Supra condoms are so thin they are almost half the thickness of a regular Trojan condom.
Let’s also talk about the length and width of condoms. Check your ego at the door. Condom companies know that many guys decide on which condoms to buy using only their ego. That’s why you see terms like “Magnum” and “XXL” decorating condom packaging. We’re going to let you in on a little secret: these condoms can cost almost double the price and are sometimes the same length and width (if not smaller) than standard size. Crazy, right? Condom manufacturers know male egos will pay big money before reading the fine print. Be smart and check out a condom chart. It will help you find a condom that is a good match for your size.
A little PSA for guys: your size is a good size. Women like variety, and for most women it’s much more important for guys to know how to use their equipment than the actual size of it. To give your play partner the most pleasure, you should make sure to use the right size condom. Condoms that are too big can slide off during sex. No one wants to go to the ER to get a lost condom fished out – yes that happens, but thankfully not very often. Condoms that are too small are more likely to break, which kills the fun as you worry about STIs and pregnancy – and fishing out all the pieces, getting a new one on, and hoping you still have an erection to keep going. Wearing the right size condom will help feel better for you and for your play partner.
Test out different condoms with your partner until you find the right one that fits and still feels good. Get in some condom practice with your partner at home. This will help you better perform in the lifestyle, where you might feel a bit of pressure playing with a brand-new person. Besides, any excuse to have more sexy time with your special someone is always a good thing!
A note about swinger etiquette and decorum: just because you are wearing a condom does not mean you should orgasm anywhere you want. Be a gentleman and ask the lady where she’d like you to finish, or where you definitely shouldn’t finish, before you play. Some people feel comfortable with climaxing inside the body if the guy is wearing a condom. Other swingers will be extremely offended and angry if you climax inside, even if the guy is wearing a condom.
The best way to avoid this potential drama is to communicate. The lady might say you can climax anywhere but it would drive her extra wild if you climax on a certain body part. Don’t you want to have extra-hot sex that climaxes in a way that turns your sex partner’s heat level to ultra-hot? It’s simple: skip the drama and ask about her preference.
Whenever going anywhere in the lifestyle, bring condoms. Bring more condoms than you will ever need. You can plan a simple coffee chat with a new couple and have zero plans to play. Every so often the chemistry is so great you may end up wanting to play with the couple immediately. You always want to be prepared with condoms. If the other guy forgot his condoms, or you need to cover up some sex toys, or you end up swapping partners a few times, you want enough condoms to keep the party rolling. You should also change condoms if you switch from back door action to regular sex, or risk causing a painful UTI for the lady. It is not unusual to go through more than six condoms in a single playdate, so make sure to pack more than enough condoms.
Another tool for safer sex is the dental dam. A dental dam is a flat, square piece of latex that’s used to provide a protective barrier for oral sex. It does not replace the need for condoms during penetration. It just adds a layer of safety by avoiding direct mouth-to-skin contact during oral play.
Many of you might be thinking that dental dams are just for going down on a lady, but they can also be used for oral action on the backdoor (this goes for men and women alike). Dental dams are less common compared to condoms, but some couples in the lifestyle do use them.
No, you can’t substitute plastic wrap for a dental dam. That cling-wrap in your kitchen is actually porous, and some nasty microscopic bugs can get through it. If you can’t find dental dams at your pharmacy, you can use a non-lubricated latex condom by carefully slicing it down one side to create a flat sheet. It won’t feel the same as a wet tongue but it can absolutely still feel great when using it during oral. Most people love some oral attention down below and any tool to help keep us safer and healthy is a helpful tool.
We understand condoms aren’t the sexiest thing but staying healthy for hot sexy fun is what we all want. Safer sex practices like wearing condoms can greatly help you & your partner enjoy a long & sexy lifestyle. Even though condoms may not provide 100% protection from herpes while swinging and other STIs, it is wiser to have some protection than no protection. Would a police officer refuse a bulletproof vest just because it didn’t also cover their legs? Of course not! Using condoms keeps you safer and healthier for more years of sexy fun.
To better protect yourself you should be having regular STD testing. Most STDs are treatable if not easily cured if they are are diagnosed early. If you have anything you want to know sooner than later so you can have it addressed. If you are worried about the stigma, there are confidential online STD testing services.