Thankfully most you of you have not had to deal with cheating. Regardless if you have been touched by infidelity or just want to safeguard your relationship, we are going to talk about why the swinging lifestyle is usually a bad idea for relationships touched by infidelity and better ways to address troubled relationships.
An important and highly valued cornerstone of swinging is trust. Being able to trust and be honest with each other is a big difference between swinging and cheating. Yes, swingers and cheaters both have sex with people other than their partners, but they are not the same thing.
Swingers are open and honest with their partners and have come to a mutually agreed-upon decision to enjoy a lending library of sexy people. There is no deception or deceit with swinging, just a mature conversation in which they agree how to explore more sexual experiences while still protecting their emotional fidelity and connection.
Cheaters are liars who do not have permission from their partners. These liars are breaking the trust and faith in their relationships. Without strong trust in your relationship, you are unlikely to have a good time in the lifestyle or improve your relationship. Swinging is usually not the best option to fix wounded relationships. It’s a way for healthy relationships to grow and evolve along with the people within the relationship.
If you insist on swinging with a very wounded relationship, you are likely going to have a bad time. Swingers don’t like drama and are pretty good on reading body language. You may not realize how much your problems and issues can be read in your posture and facial expressions.
Some people in cheating relationships think they are the exception to the rule and that swinging can save the relationship. Here are some excuses that cheaters use to justify their actions, and better ways to address it.
Liars
Cheaters are liars. Liars don’t stop lying just because they are having sex. In fact, swinging can just give them more opportunities to lie. They can lie about using condoms, playing outside agreed sexual boundaries, or secretly communicating with others. If a partner wasn’t trustworthy when they were outside the candy store, why would they become trustworthy inside the candy store? Be smart and honest. Do not expect that swinging will magically make them trustworthy. Swinging can give them more opportunities and temptations to be an even bigger liar. Trust issues can extend to financial matters, child-rearing, and day-to-day life. It is better to work with a trained professional to repair broken trust instead of entering the lifestyle.
Bad Sex
If a partner is not sexually satisfied, swinging is often not the answer. It is often wiser to first work together to improve intimacy at home. Bad sex is caused by both people in a relationship. One person is not doing the things that their partner desires. The other person is also guilty for not doing a good enough job communicating their desire and needs to help their partner connect with them. More open and frank conversations about your unique sexual desires can help a couple grow closer. It is possible you might not currently be sexually compatible.
You would be better off seeking out a sex therapist to help you learn to better communicate and connect. If you enter the lifestyle, you likely won‘t have much fun. Swingers are likely to avoid couples who are not communicating and playing well with each other. Consider a sex therapist or a sexual workshop to help you unleash the great intimacy potential of your own relationship. It is often smarter to learn to walk before we try to run.
Insecurity
Some people cheat because they are chasing insecurity issues. They worry they aren’t desirable enough or good enough, or don’t meet whatever made-up requirement they judge themselves against. Maybe they feel like they aren’t getting enough attention in the relationship and seek it from others. Cheating and seeking validation from other partners made them feel secure and confident for a short period of time, but they likely returned to feeling insecure. The lifestyle is not going to make them feel secure in the long-term, either. It will just present more opportunities for that insecurity to flourish and cause even bigger problems in a relationship. It is better to resolve that insecurity before adding the pressures of sex with other people. Protect your relationship and make it bulletproof before jumping into the lifestyle.
Immature
Some cheaters are just immature. They have never fully accepted the responsibilities of being an adult. They do not see how their actions impact other people. This is an unwelcome mindset in the lifestyle. Immature people quickly end up getting blacklisted and shunned by other swingers that don’t want to deal with drama.
Addiction
Cheating can also be a problem that directly or indirectly involves addiction. This isn’t limited to sex addiction; drug or alcohol addiction is just as likely to lead partners astray. People that have addiction problems have problems with proper decision making and impulse control. They act compulsively, which eventually lands them in bad situations. If your partner has an addiction problem you should get them help instead of complicating matters even more. Their health may be in jeopardy, and their health should take priority over anything else.
Breaking Up
As sad as it is to say, cheaters might not be happy in their relationship and want out. Not all cheaters are unhappy with their partners, but some cheaters are. Sometimes, people cheat because they don’t know how to end a long-term relationship. If you believe that you’re in this kind of situation, you should speak with a relationship counselor – or break up. Once your relationship gets to the point where one or both of you are considering ending it, you are well past the point where swinging can help you. Introducing your unhappy partner to new sex partners will only alienate you, as happily connected swingers will pick up on the troubles and blacklist you. If you’re getting into swinging as a desperate attempt to save a relationship, you may not be in the right mindset to enjoy the lifestyle and find it only makes you feel worse.
Boredom
Boredom can happen naturally in any relationship. Swinging can be a great distraction. But eventually your shiny new toy, AKA your swinging life, will start to lose some of its luster and your partner will go right back to cheating. It’s possible that they are drawn to cheating because it’s illicit and dangerous, so they’ll always return to it to get their kicks. The lifestyle is a wonderful way to add spice to your life, but it is usually not a good idea for it to become the biggest part of your life. If you can’t have fun in the bedroom without other people involved, you’re not getting the most out of the lifestyle. You should talk together to figure out how to stay connected and interested in the same things.
If your relationship has been touched by cheating, you should look at better options to resolve the situation. Entering the swinging lifestyle is usually a very bad idea. You might want to consult a professional relationship counselor to help you figure out how best to handle your personal situation.