Swinging can help couples evolve and empower their relationship. Sharing your partner with other people, watching them engage in the sexual interaction, and letting other people please you while your partner’s watching can improve your sex life, boost your confidence, and deepen your feelings for each other.
Sadly though, swinging could be quite the opposite in some circumstances. But when is swinging a bad idea? If you find yourself in any of these situations, perhaps you should think twice before getting into this lifestyle.
- When you want to fix your relationship
Threesomes, foursomes, and swinging are sometimes recommended by therapists and sex counselors to couples who have a sex life that might have lost some of its shine. Due to this, many couples believe that swinging can fix their relationship no matter what the problem or underlying issue.
If you believe it too, we’re sorry to spoil it, but you couldn’t be more wrong. Swinging has the power to accentuate the status of your relationship – good or bad. It will not fix the relationship problem unless you are suffering from boring sex. Swinging won’t fix cheating, communication issues or lack of trust. On the contrary. It will make things worse.
If your partner believes you’re cheating, how do you think they’ll feel while you’re sexting with your swinging partners? Chances are they’ll not appreciate it very much.
In the case of poor communication, swinging is unlikely to work. This lifestyle involves a lot of communication between partners. You have to completely trust each other and understand what your better half if thinking through a simple look.
Simply put, if you’re having any relationship issues, fix them first and give swinging a try only when your relationship is already fulfilling on its own.
- If you can’t play by the rules
Swinging is all about rules. Lifestyle rules you set with your partner and with other swingers. If you have a strong personality and the custom to insist until things go the way you want them to go, just avoid this lifestyle.
Before getting into swinging, you should understand that you will likely not have a positive experience if your partner is not completely happy. For instance, if you set a rule to meet a couple only once and then move on to finding new partners, but you break the rules and insist on meeting the same couple twice, you might upset your partner.
This lack of collaborative teamwork could lead to frustration and sometimes fights, which will ultimately have a negative impact not only on your swinging lifestyle but on your relationship.
The same goes with other swingers. For instance, they may only be interested in soft swaps, whereas you might want a full swap. Insisting will upset everyone.
So, if you don’t like to play by the rules and have the habit of acting immature when things don’t go as you want, it would be best to steer clear from swinging.
- When you’re not completely sure about it
Although many people don’t recognize it, fantasizing about group sex is common for both men and women. But there is a long way from imagination to swinging. Maybe the idea excites you, but you’re not yet sure you want to do it for real. Or perhaps your partner wants to do it, and you agree just to make them “happy.”
Sometimes, you might tackle the idea of swinging as far as meeting with another couple, just to realize you’re not completely sure that you want to go all the way to the end.
All these situations could put you under pressure, and you could accept just for the sake of it. However, agreeing to swing just because “you have to” or because the others are expecting you to do it will likely not have a happy ending.
If you’re concerned that you’ll offend anyone, just remember that all swingers know how hard it is to get started and everyone can wait until you’re ready. Take your time, think about it for as long as necessary, and only agree with this lifestyle when you’re perfectly sure this is what you want.
- If your partner doesn’t want it
Another important thing to know is that swinging can be a nice addition to your life, not a necessity or priority. Your priority must be your partner, that is if you don’t want to break up.
If you like the idea of swinging, but your partner didn’t give you at least a yellow light about it, respect your partner’s decision and move on with your life. Also know that even if your partner may agree to a foursome just to make you happy, they will most likely never forgive you for making them do something they didn’t want to do in the first place.
- If you really fear social judgment
While most swingers are very discreet, there is always a remote chance that someone will find out about your lifestyle. This shouldn’t be more than embarrassment for many people. However, if you’re part of a very conservative community and really fear social judgment, perhaps swinging might not be the best idea; at least not in your area.
Is Swinging A Bad Idea?
Swinging can be either a blessing or a real disgrace. The secret to happy swinging is getting into it when you’re both ready and have a solid relationship. If things between you two don’t go quite as they should or if either of you has doubts, maybe it’s a good idea to just leave it be for now. There is no reason to rush into swinging. Take your time to learn more and make the right decision for your and your special relationship.