Curious about the swinging world as a single man? You can have a great time but and this is a big one – the supply & demand numbers are stacked against you. There is a high supply of single men interested in swinging and a low demand for them. If you are a single guy and can’t already find success at the vanilla single clubs, bars & online tools like Tinder than you aren’t going to find an easier time in the swinging lifestyle. Don’t worry, we have written this guide to help you enter the swinging lifestyle!
Many swinger couples (and single swinging ladies) that are open to having a single guy often have a high requirement list. They want an attractive, confident, respectful guy that can flirt well, perform exceptionally and is flexible to their preferred play style. Remember the supply/demand ratio is not in the single man’s favor so the swinging couples can be very picky as they peruse the crowded field of prospective single men. Swinging is not the solution for single horny guys seeking easy sex. If you can’t convince a single woman to have sex with you at a vanilla singles event, then don’t expect to have a better chance when you need to convince two people to let you join in their sexy swinging fun.
So you think you are the rare exception? We like your attitude! It’s that type of positive and confident approach that will help you succeed. Feel free to jump ahead to any section.
The swinging lifestyle is awesome but most single men greatly misunderstand it. Who can blame them since Hollywood does a horrible job accurately portraying it? Let’s explain the swinging lifestyle. It is a consensual form of ethical non-monogamy. That means no lies or dishonesty (or at least there isn’t supposed to be but life is rarely perfect. The community is mostly filled with couples because sexy singles tend to just hook up with other sexy singles. These swinging couples tend to want to have a fun sexy time together. Swinging is much more a team sport done together and not a free for all scrum where everyone splits up and takes care of only themselves. On occasion some of these swinger couples are willing to bring in an extra guy for a threesome.
Before you jump to a silly ass-umption, remember that swingers are not nymphomaniacs who will say yes to anyone. OK, we have more than our share of sex but it’s only when there is a good connection with the people we want. Swingers are already having great sex at home and aren’t going to settle for a bad situation. Swinging is just a bonus to their already great sex life.
You want to approach the swinging lifestyle knowing that you are a free agent who needs to match up and join a team because swinging really is a team sport. Start thinking about how you can get your free agent ass signed up to play along with a sexy team. Have the mindset of collaboration and friendly teamwork to improve your odds of success in the swinging lifestyle.
Cuckolding is very different from swinging. Cuckolding is more about a couple seeking out a “bull” aka a dominant single man to take control of the situation and pleasure the woman. Her male partner often enjoys being embarrassed in a cuckolding situation. The cuckolding fetish tends to focus more on control, power and role playing. Swinging is about mature adults approaching each other in a friendly manner on equal footing and working together for sexy fun times. Yes, some swingers also enjoy cuckolding but remember they are different things and should be approached differently. If you want the best chance to connect with swingers as a single man, take a friendly & collaborative approach. You aren’t stealing his wife rather you are becoming a teammate to create a very sexy & consenting fun time.
In case you haven’t noticed there is an abundance of horny single men in this world. If you doubt us, just check out Tinder. Whoa, it’s a freaking firehouse of horny men. That overflowing firehouse is the same situation in the swinging world. There is just a big oversupply of single men willing be to the extra guy in a devil’s threesome for a swinging couple.
What about the demand? Don’t swingers love to have as much sex as possible? Most swinging couples want to play only with another swinging couple. This helps ensure everyone has someone to enjoy. When you have a threesome, it is easy for one person to feel left out and missing their fair share of attention. Think about it, odd numbers are just harder to divide and manage. A mismanaged threesome can lead to jealousy & drama which no couple wants. So to avoid that potential drama many swinging couples only play with other couples. That means the demand for single men from swinging couples is low.
Don’t worry. Sure the odds aren’t in your favor but just like a sharp Vegas sports handicapper you too can make smart choices and succeed.
Dude, unclench your tight ass. Relax. It is totally fine to be straight or bisexual as a single guy in the lifestyle. No one is going to do anything without your consent. If you are serious about the swinging lifestyle, you should be very comfortable with naked men. If you are having a devil’s threesome there is going to be another naked man in the bed. There might even be some innocent & accidental contact if the three of you try some crazy human pretzel sex position. Even if you don’t try a crazy position, you can accidentally hit a hairy leg as you grab for a better hold in the middle of some sexy thrusting. It happens. Get over it.
There is a bit of a double standard in the swinging lifestyle. You need to understand that life is not perfect and our poor grammar skills definitely prove it. So while the world loves sexy bisexual women, there isn’t the same appreciation for bisexual men. Sadly, there can even be a bit of hate aimed at bisexual men in the swinging world. This double standard sucks but it can happen so you should be prepared for it. As my granny always told me “hope for the best but be ready for the worst” – not sure if she had bisexual swinging men in mind but it applies. If you are bisexual, don’t be surprised if some “straight” men suddenly become interested in bisexual play once you are behind closed doors. Because of the double standard there are a good bit of closeted bi guys in the lifestyle.
A good amount of the bisexual guys in the lifestyle like to be bottoms. We can’t blame them. As a guy it’s nice to have someone else do the thrusting for a change. If you are a bisexual top and willing to share that information on your online swinger profile it can attract some couples to you.
If you are a straight dude, there is nothing to worry about. You can make plenty of sexy connections in the swinging world. Ladies can usually outlast most guys when it comes to sexy time. After a guy climaxes, there is a refractory time period before he is ready for another sexy round. That means there is a definite demand for single guys to tag team and satisfy a lady. Just be yourself and do what feels good.
Hey stud, we’re sure you have personally never had any performance issue because you are a manly man. This is actually a common occurrence with all men new to the swinging lifestyle. It is not about being strong or a manly man. It is about being in a very unusual situation that creates big mental hurdles. Most men are not used to being naked in a group especially in a sexual context. Even if you are comfortable with being naked right next to another guy as you have go through crazy human pretzel sex positions there is also the issue of insecurity when guys comparing themselves to the other guy. Are you as big as the other guy, will you last as long, will you feel as good? If you don’t outperform the other guy will you not be invited back? There is a higher level of pressure among new swinging men. All of this pressure commonly results in anxiety that can deflate any new guy to the swinging lifestyle. You aren’t the first and you won’t be the last.
You might be tempted to calm yourself down and fight the anxiety with alcohol. That’s not a good idea. Research shows that a single glass of red wine can help some guys perform better but other than that alcohol usually just ends up sabotaging our sexy fun time. If you want to go professional as a sex athlete in the swinger Olympics lay off the booze. You want to perform at your best. Alcohol can lead us to say or behave in ways we might regret later. Swinging ladies are rarely forgiving when they give a single guy a chance and he doesn’t have enough discipline to stay sober enough for sexy time.
So how the heck are you supposed to be superman? Start by relaxing and reminding yourself of all your positive aspects. Keeping yourself calm and relaxed is very helpful in defusing anxiety minefields. Another option is to see a doctor and get a prescription for some ED pills. This is common among even young single swingers who don’t regularly need ED help during vanilla sex play. A small dose of Viagra, Cialis or whatever ED pill can help guarantee there is no failure to launch which is why so many swingers quietly rely on this crutch. Please remember we aren’t your doctor and you should definitely talk with your doctor before taking any medicine.
Another way to help performance issues is to use a penis (cock) ring. These rings foster more a one way flow of the blood. This means more blood will pump into your equipment and less will flow out helping you to stay hard and last longer. There are many different types and sizes of penis rings. It is really important you pick the right one. If you pick one that is too small, it can go on when you are flaccid but become excruciatingly painful when you are erect – YIKES. Make sure you do your research and pick one that is best for your body.
One of the more common swinging opportunities for single men are gang bangs. That’s not really a wise insight its just simple math. When a women wants 3, 5 or more men, there is plenty of recruiting opportunities for men. So how does this craziness work? Usually her partner will reach out and do some basic screening. They are looking to see if you are real, will show up, perform your part and able to handle being in a room with many naked & erect men. It is common for the single men to be asked to chip in and contribute to the party. The contribution requests are usually a bottle of alcohol to be shared and/or some money to help cover the cost of the hotel room.
To find gangbangs, go to the swinger dating website that is popular for your local area and check out the hot date/meetup calendar. Then drop a note to the couple organizing the party. Go through the screening process, answering their questions and submitting whichever clothed or unclothed pictures they request. Then show up at the right time with the right donation for the party and plenty of condoms. At the start there is usually a little socializing and stating of personal rules & boundaries. Then it’s down to business and that means it is time to pull down your clothes along with every other man. You are going to be in a room with many other naked men who are all touching themselves to get ready for their turn. After you have your turn, move towards the back to make room for the other guys who haven’t had a turn. Some guys will want to recharge and go in for a second or third round. It is all up to you & the lady.
Gang bangs aren’t for everyone and each one is slightly different. Make sure you follow the rules and stay within their personal boundaries or you’ll get kicked out. If at any time you are unsure about something, ask before doing it. If you perform well at one party don’t be surprised if you start to build a reputation and have other couples contact you.
Ready to connect with local swingers? There are several online options and they are all going to cost money. Are there free websites? Yes but you get what you pay for. Free websites are filled with fakes and flooded with desperate men. If you want to have a real chance to connect with real swingers it will cost real money. The best options are Adult Friend Finder (AFF) and the swinger dating site popular in your local area.
Adult Friend Finder is one of the top options across the USA & Canada for single men. It will connect you with swingers and with single women. After Craigslist closed down its personal connection section, many people looking for sexy fun returned to AFF.
As for dedicated swinger sites, there are over 30 paid swinger sites across the USA & Canada. Don’t worry, you just need to join the one or two sites are popular within your local area. Swingers Help created an easy chart to look up which swinging site is popular for you. When you join these sites, don’t waste your time with free membership. Free members can’t send or reply to messages so it is worthless. The best bargain is to sign up for the lifetime memberships. Yes, it costs the most but it is usually saves money in less than a year when you compare it to the monthly recurring charges. These sites are trying to sucker you into paying a small amount every month, it’s a bad deal go with lifetime which probably costs you less than just one night of drink.
When creating an online profile, keeping it classy tends to deliver the best results. Don’t immediately flash your junk. Act like you have had sex before & aren’t desperate. Give them a taste of your fun & engaging personality. Writing a super short description and only showing a picture of your junk is the same as what you would find for a dildo ad. Act like you are better than a basic dildo ad. Have a friend take some good pictures wearing tailored clothes that highlight your best features in front of a clean & pleasing background. Ladies don’t really dream of smelly, unwashed illiterate men who are knee deep in dirty clothes. If you want a good chance to stand out from the other single men, put some effort into your profile. Remember the supply & demand ratio is not in your favor so you want to work harder if you want this to really happen.
When browsing online swinger profiles, do your research and stay in your lane. Many swingers are not interested in single guys. Don’t waste your time or make enemies by spamming uninterested swingers. Focus only on couples that have explicitly stated they are open to single guys.
Do not blindly pick online profiles based on their pictures. Of course physical attraction is important but if you want to have a real chance at connecting with them, actually read their entire profile. It often includes a good review of what they like & don’t like and are seeking. Now you can write a relevant and engaging introductory message that is tailored to them. Swingers are flooded with messages from single men, if you put their favorite items in the subject line you’ll have a much better chance of actually being read.
Most of these online swinger accounts are managed by the male half of the couple. Remember this is a collaborative team effort & not a competition. You want to demonstrate friendly respect for both the man and woman. Compliment them both and show you can be trusted to work with them.
Another way to connect with a swinger couple is to go where they hang out – swinger clubs! These are places where swingers go to socially connect with other people in the lifestyle. These sexy places are just like vanilla nightclubs and filled with people who are looking to make a sexy connection. Just like vanilla nightclubs they are all a little bit different and unique. Some of them are on-premise (means sex is allowed in the club) and others are off-premise (no sex allowed on-site, socialize on-site then take it to a hotel room).
Get ready to pay up. Singles guys are often charged much higher fees that can even be double the regular rate. Single ladies often get in for free. You might think it is unfair but it is done for a good reason – to separate the serious swingers from misinformed curiosity seekers. Higher fees also help the serious single guy by improving the ratio of women to men. This means more sexy ladies and less single men will be inside the party which is what you want so be prepared to pay up.
When researching your local swinger clubs pay attention to which ones allow single guys and what rules they have. Very likely the swinger club will only welcome single guys on certain nights and may limit your access to certain areas of the club. It is your responsibility to know the rules or risk being permanently banned.
To help your odds, let’s cover some common sense that unfortunately is not always common. Make sure you present yourself in the best light. This means being freshly showered (showering 12 hours ago doesn’t count) and well groomed. Have on nice clothes that highlight your best features. Choose subtle colognes or better yet go unscented. A cologne scent is more likely to be a deal breaker than a deal maker. Going with an unscented freshly showered body gives you a better chance with more ladies.
When other swingers approach you at the party, remember to always show complete respect for the guy. If you want a shot to have fun with his significant other you need to demonstrate you respect the guy. It is a rookie mistake for a single guy to forget that swinging couples are a team. The single guy needs to connect with both people in that team. This isn’t like a singles bar where you compete with the other guy to see who will win the lady. This is an audition with both the lady & her guy to see if you would make a good teammate. This means being positive and engaging with both the lady & her guy. You need both of them to approve for there to be any sexy fun in your future.
Most of the time, your audition will end up with rejection. It is nothing personal. The odds are simply stacked against you. The swinging couple can choose to play with you or any of the other other single guys or decide they prefer to play with a couple that night or just play by themselves. Graciously accept this reality because no one likes drama. When you handle rejection like a gentleman, you are seen as trustworthy and that will boost your standings in the eyes of other swinger couples. Who knows, the original swinger couple might change their mind later in the night so always be gracious and respectful.
Bring your best flirting & conversation game. Swinging parties are all about networking and making connections. These connections might turn into sexy fun that night or might lead to an invite for sexy fun in a few weeks. Be ready to dazzle your new couple friends with your amazing flirting & conversation skills. If you can’t win at the social game, then you are about as useful as a vibrator to the swinger couple and the vibrator will likely win over you since it won’t go soft.
Don’t assume anything. You need to make sure you are actively invited before you make the first move. Many swinging ladies will playfully touch guys during conversation without wanting to play. If it isn’t crystal clear, act like a big boy and use your words before touching. Swinging couples want to see that you will respect and play within their boundaries. If you don’t know their boundaries you should ask. Talk before touching! Otherwise you risk ending it before it even gets to the fun part.
If you haven’t found a connection that night, don’t turn into a desperate lurker. This means don’t go around opening closed doors or curtains. Don’t start touching people without asking. Don’t stare down other couples. This will kill any chance you might have had for future fun and get you permanently blacklisted. Play it cool and enjoy the party vibe. You probably aren’t going to have sex each time you go to a swinger event. Your long term odds will improve if you play it cool even when sexy fun doesn’t happen. Couples remember gentlemen that show they can party within boundaries and they especially will remember drama causing jerks that are just completely unsexy.
You want to live a non-monogamous life but just can’t find a single lady to date & marry who shares the same desire? No worries, we have the solution for you. Check out OK Cupid and Plenty of Fish. They now have a setting for people open to non-monogamy. You can find the single ladies that share the same desires & interest as you. There are also questions in their online screens that talk about open relationships, jealousy and other sexy issues. We know its not the most common relationship type but thankfully more and more vanilla dating sites are adding these settings to help people find others with the same wants & needs.
Another good option to find a single lady for dating is to check out swinger websites for the unicorns aka single ladies. It is not easy being a single lady or man in the lifestyle. You don’t have anyone watching your back or sharing the workload of the online messages. The online messages for a unicorn is more like an out of control fire hose. So you might find it easier to reach out to the unicorns at local swinger parties or wait for them to search your swinger profile. Many unicorns find it easier to simply ignore the overflowing incoming messages and reach out to people that interest them. This is another reason why you should take the time to craft a quality swinger profile with an engaging description and classy pictures.
If you are lucky and get the green light for some sexy play action, be prepared. Remember to bring condoms. Safe sex is important to swingers and you don’t want to get stopped at the last second because there aren’t condoms. Bring enough condoms for you and her husband to have several rounds of sexy fun. While you are packing condoms, grab some non-latex condoms just in case the lady might be allergic. It is wiser to be over prepared than not prepared enough.
Before you get too excited, make sure you always ask about their personal rules & boundaries. Remember you want to be a good teammate and that means playing by their rules. If you have any rules or boundaries yourself, this is the time to share them. The more communication the better you can deliver a hot & sexy experience with them.
Life is more fun when we all work together. We hope this answered your questions and invite you to check out the many other swinging articles on our website.