The lifestyle is awesome because it is a very welcoming and open place for many different people. Here are some terms you might encounter and their usual definitions. Please remember that everyone has different experiences so some people might have slightly different interpretations of terms. You should use this glossary more as a general guideline to give you a better idea of what a term means. When in doubt, just ask the person instead of assuming that you are both using the same exact definition for the swinger lingo & slang. Better to be safe and don’t assume anything.
| 420 | Marijuana |
| AC/DC | Bisexual man or woman |
| Alpha | Dominant person; can be related to BDSM lifestyle or cuckold situations. |
| Back Door | Action involving the butt |
| Bareback | Sex without condoms |
| BBC | Big black cock |
| BBW | Big beautiful women, often very big. A few pounds overweight would be curvy not BBW. |
| BDSM | Bondage, Domination/Discipline, Sadism, Masochism. BDSM fetish tends to be less focused on sex & orgasms and focuses more on control & power. |
| Bi-curious
|
Any person that is open to experimenting with same-sex action. It can also describe people that are willing to participate with same-sex action but are not primarily attracted to same sex action. |
| Bottom | Man that is on the receiving end of man/man action. |
| Bukkake | Multiple men covering a woman’s face or body with all of their combined ejaculations. |
| Bull | The dominant male in a cuckold situation. The bull will have sex with the woman while the other man aka cuckold does not actively participate. |
| Can Entertain | Swinger that is willing to host others for sexy times at their home/hotel/boat/wherever. |
| Can Travel | Swinger that is willing to travel to meet other swingers for vanilla introductions and/or sexual encounters. |
| CD | Crossdresser, a man wearing lady’s clothing |
| Certs | Certifications from other swingers that vouch for you. Each swinger site has a slightly different cert process but basically, certs tell other people you are not a fake account and increase trustworthiness in your online swinger profile. Some swinger sites call them verifications. |
| Cheating | A person playing in the swinging lifestyle without permission from their significant other. Not common but they do exist in the lifestyle. Also applies to swingers who are not following the swinging rules they made with their significant other. |
| Clean | Refers to someone claiming they are disease-free and/or drug-free. |
| Closed Door Swinging | Swinging in separate rooms with the doors closed so you do not see your significant other. |
| Cock Blocking | Doing something that sabotages a man close to having sexual play. It can be someone accidentally ruining the sexy vibe or it can be a friend that intentionally does something to ruin the man’s chance of sexual fun. In a general sense, it refers to anyone doing something that sabotages another person’s sexual success. |
| Compersion | Positive and enjoyable feelings one experiences when their partner enjoys pleasure. The opposite of feeling jealousy. |
| Consent | A voluntary informed decision that is clearly communicated & can be revoked at anytime for any reason. When in doubt, ask & don’t assume. |
| Cougar | Older, attractive, sexually liberated woman who favors younger men. |
| CPL | Couple, can be married or dating. |
| Cuckold | Man who likes to relinquish power to a bull/alpha male who will have sex with the cuckold’s partner while the cuckold is ignored or embarrassed. Swinging is not the same as cuckolding. |
| Cut | Usually refers to circumcised men |
| Curvy | A few extra pounds but not very overweight. Being many pounds overweight would be BBW. |
| D&D or DDF | Drug & disease free. |
| Desire | Swinger friendly resort with two locations very close to Cancun, Mexico |
| Dogging | Originally a British concept of going to a public place like a highway rest stop to have sex with multiple strangers in your car. |
| Dom/Domme | Dom (dominant male) or Domme (dominant female). These are people in the BDSM lifestyle that prefer to have control & power over submissive people aka subs. |
| DP | Double penetration, can be two things in one hole or two things in different holes of a person. |
| Drama | Refers to any fighting, jealousy, insecurity, or any emotional hassle. Everyone has a certain level of drama because humans are emotional beings & that is ok. It becomes a problem when drama from one relationship isn’t managed and overflows into another relationship. |
| DV | Double vagina penetration, can be a sex toy & a man but usually it is two men using the same vagina at the same time. Usually it also requires one man to not wear a condom because two condoms rubbing against each other tends to break them. |
| Exclusive | When people form a closed group that only has sex with people within the closed group. A couple could be exclusive with only themselves, another couple, or multiple people. |
| Exhibitionist | Person that enjoys performing sexual acts that can be observed by other people. |
| Fluid Bonded | People in an ongoing relationship who have unprotected sex with a closed group as a means of increasing intimacy and signifying trust. Married couples are usually fluid bonded with each other. It is possible, though not typically as safe, to be fluid bonded with multiple people. |
| FMF/FFM | Threesome with female, male, and female. The ordering of the letters implies who will play with each other. FMF implies no bisexual female action, with the man in the middle. FFM implies bisexual lady action. |
| French | Refers to heavy kissing or oral sex. |
| Full Swap | Swingers that swap partners for penetrating sex. |
| FWB | Friends with benefits. Swingers that are looking to make social friends that also sexually interact. |
| Gang Bang | A woman having sex with many men who take turns with the woman. Group gangbangs often have about 3 to 6 men for each woman attending. |
| Generous | Usually used as code in online profiles or ads to imply money for sex. |
| Golden Shower | Urinating on someone who sexually enjoys it. More commonly found in a BDSM setting. |
| Greek | Butt action. Can refer to full sex or just finger play. Similar to saying back door action. |
| Group Room | Play room at swinger events where orgy action is often encouraged. Very common for multiple people to be engaged in a chain of sexual action. You should still ask for permission before engaging with someone in a group room |
| Hall Pass | Permission from a significant other to go out and play as a single person in the lifestyle |
| Hedo (Hedonism) | Short for Hedonism II which is a popular swinger friendly resort in Jamaica for singles & couples. |
| Host | The party organizer who manages the rsvp list, prepares the space and handles any problems that might happen during the swinging event. |
| Hot Wife | Married woman who enjoys having sex with other men. Hotwifing terminology can be used by people looking for a cuckold situation or a swinging situation. Often it implies just the wife will engage in sexual activity. |
| House Party | Swinger party at a private house. Can be a small or big, paid or free event. There are usually designated play areas and non-play areas for pressure free socializing. |
| Hung | Man with above average equipment dangling between his legs. Average equipment size is around five inches long. Everyone has a different opinion on what size (length and/or girth) qualifies as hung. |
| HWP | Height & weight proportionate. Anyone in good shape. |
| IRL | In Real Life |
| ISO | In Search Of |
| KIK | Mobile phone app that allows you to communicate for free with an anonymous screen name. You can share texts and pictures using the KIK app. You can also create a shared group communication using KIK. |
| Kink | Any sexual fetish. This includes anything like swinging, BDSM, cuckolding, role playing, and anything else. We all have different kink preferences & tolerances. |
| Lifestyle | A term that means different things to different people. In general it is more of an umbrella term for different sexual lifestyles. Swinging is a lifestyle and many swingers use the “lifestyle” term interchangeably but “lifestyle” can refer to a range of areas including nudism, BDSM, & fetish. |
| LS | Abbreviation for lifestyle because it is too many letters for some people to spell out. |
| LTR | Long Term Relationship |
| Marital Aids | Sex toys of any and all varieties |
| Meet & Greet | Swinger event that is more of a social affair. It is intended more to make a connection and that leads later to off premise play. |
| Ménage à trois | The fancy French way of saying a threesome where three people of any combination, temporarily join together to have a sexy playtime. |
| MFM | Threesome with male, female, female. Ordering of letters implies who will play with each other. MFM implies there will be no bisexual play with the lady in the middle of the action. MMF implies there will be bisexual man play. |
| MFMF | Foursome with two swinger couples aka wife swapping. |
| Milf | Mother I’d Love to F%*#, refers to women that are old enough to be a mother but hot looking enough that men are lusting over them. |
| MMF | Threesome with male, male, female. Ordering of letters implies the men will play with each other. MFM would imply no bisexual play. |
| Moresome | Usually refers to group play/orgy setting. |
| Munch | A social gathering term that is more commonly used by people in the fetish world. Similar to a meet & greet. It is usually held at a public place to make connections with other like minded people and curious newcomers. It is a no pressure opportunity for communication and physical activity is usually not allowed on site. |
| Mutual Masturbation | Sensually touching each other to orgasm without penetration. |
| Newbies | Any person relatively new and not very experienced to the lifestyle. Nothing wrong with being a newbie. |
| NMK | Not My Kink. We all have different kinks and not everyone likes the same sexy things or to the same level. |
| NSA | No Strings Attached. Implies casual sex without any expectation of communication or follow-up afterwards. |
| Off Premise | Swinger events that do not allow physical play at the event. They are social events to find people to bring elsewhere for physical play. |
| On Premise | Swinger events that allow physical play at the event. There are usually designated rooms for sexually interactions. |
| Open Door | Refers to same room swinging with an invitation for other people to join in. If you see a playroom door kept open with people inside, you can politely ask if they want company. |
| Open Minded | Some people use this phrase in their profile to mean they are welcoming of all people. Other people use this phrase as code that the man is secretly bisexual since bisexual man are often frowned upon in the lifestyle. |
| Open Relationship | A relationship that allows the people in the relationship to see and be with other people. This can include having sexual interactions or emotional attachments with other people |
| Orgy | Group sex play. Even during orgy play, you still should ask for permission from each person before you play with them. Just because someone is playing with other people does not give you permission to play with them without asking first. |
| Parallel Play | Two couples having sex in the same room & physically interacting with only their own partner. |
| Play | Any level of sexy fun, from kissing to full sex. |
| Polyamory | Multiple people in a dedicated relationship. Each person involved in the polyamory relationship is honest & upfront with their partners about being a relationship with more than one person. It can be a three person love triangle or more complex arrangement. These relationships can be open or closed to others, & can be straight, gay, or any combo. |
| Roman Play | Orgy, group sex play. Even during Roman play, you still should ask for permission from each person before you engage them. Just because someone is playing with other people does not automatically give you permission to play with them. |
| Rope Play | A bondage fetish that involves binding someone using rope. The rope and its knots can be formed into artistic displays. Rope play does not necessarily lead to actual sex. Some people prefer the act of binding or being bound more than actually having sex. |
| S&M | S is sadism aka pleasure from inflicting pain and M is masochism aka pleasure from receiving pain. People in S&M lifestyle often do not orgasm or have penetrative sex. They often find more pleasure from giving or receiving pain. |
| Safe Word | A pre-designated word or signal to communicate a person is no longer comfortable and wants to return to a safe place. Saying the safe word is equivalent to revoking consent and pushing an emergency stop button. Common in the BDSM community and will immediately stop all activity. |
| Same Rooms | Refers to swinging couples that swap partners for sexually play within the same room. Can be one bed or separate beds but everyone remains in the same room. |
| SBF | Single black female |
| SBiF | Single bisexual female, a rare unicorn variety |
| SBiM | Single bisexual male |
| SBM | Single black male |
| Separate Rooms | Refers to swinging couples that swap partners for sexually play in different rooms. The rooms can be in one building or separate locations. |
| Sex | A wide ranging term that usually means something different to each person. You can have fun debating with your friends if masturbation, oral play or sexual touching is or is not sex. As long as it is consensual, relax and enjoy. |
| Sex-Positive
|
General concept of viewing sex as a natural pleasure in life. It is a non-judgmental approach that is accepting of different approaches to enjoying consensual sex among adults. Sexual interactions are seen in a positive light and sexual repression is viewed negatively. |
| Shared Wife | Can imply a polyamory relationship with the women having romantic connections with multiple men or can imply a women that casually plays with other men. |
| Ski Slopes | Unless you are going to a ski resort, this is code for doing cocaine. Regular cocaine use leads to erectile problems so it is not common for swingers but if you meet enough people you might encounter it. |
| SM | Single man. If it’s S/M that’s referring to BDSM fetish. |
| Snow | Unless it is winter, this is code for cocaine. See Ski Slopes. |
| SO | Significant Other, your spouse or long term partner. |
| Spun | Having sex while on meth. |
| Squirting | Female ejaculation, which is surprisingly not rare in the swinging lifestyle. Leaves a big wet spot and you will probably want to lay down a towel before playing. Frequent squirters in the lifestyle usually buy a Liberator sex blanket that is waterproof. |
| Stag | Male half of an open relationship couple. Focused more on proudly sharing & not submissive like a cuckold. |
| STI or STD | Sexually Transmitted Infection or Sexually Transmitted Disease. They basically mean the same thing (medical health issue) but technically are different (infections develop into diseases). For example HPV is an infection (STI) that can cause cervical cancer which is a disease (STD). |
| STR, STR8, Straight | Heterosexual, a person that is not interested in experimenting with same sex play. |
| Sub | Submissive person in the BDSM lifestyle. A sub is happier when they are being controlled and directed by a dom or domme. |
| SW | Single woman aka a Unicorn. |
| Swap | Temporarily exchanging partners for sexual activities that range from foreplay to full sex. This can be in the same or separate rooms. |
| SWF | Single white female |
| Swinger | Anyone that identifies themselves as a swinger. You can decide your own play style and rules. We aren’t going to judge. Life is more fun when we are inclusive and welcoming of others. |
| SWM | Single white male |
| T-girl | Transexual lady. Someone born as a man but identifying and presenting as a woman. She might be in the process of permanently changing gender. |
| Ticket | The paid escort that someone hires so they can attend a swinger event that does not allow single men. It is not common and is frowned upon. |
| Top | Man that is giving the action in man/man play. |
| TS | Someone born as a man but dressing and/or acting like a woman. She might be in the process of permanently changing gender. |
| TV | Someone born as a man but dressing and acting like a woman. She might be in the process of permanently changing gender. |
| Unicorn | Single female in the swinging lifestyle because they are rare. |
| V Safe | Man who had a vasectomy. Some people who are very vocal about being V safe are using this as code for open to bareback sex. Many people are just referring to the extra precaution against pregnancy worries & not implying bareback sex. |
| Vanilla | Non-swinger world. The rest of the world that is normal, conventional, plain. |
| Vixen | Female half of an open relationship couple who is open to playing by herself or in front of her proud partner. |
| Water Sports (see Golden Showers) | Urinating on someone who sexually enjoys it. This typically does not include ladies that involuntary squirt when they orgasm. |
| YKINMK | Your Kink Is Not My Kink. A good reminder that we all have different kinks and sexual preferences. Life is nicer when we are respectful and non-judgmental towards people that might be different from ourselves. |
Phew! That sure is a long list. Relax, you don’t need to memorize this entire dictionary of swinging terms. You’ll eventually pick up most of these terms and won’t need to reference this list anymore. Happy Swinging!