A common complaint in the swinging lifestyle involves cliques of swinger friends. You may show up to an event and find the swingers clumping together in tight groups with seemingly little interaction between the separate groups. Don’t view cliques as being intentionally exclusive. Swingers can sometimes get too caught up in chatting with old swinger friends. Like any other group of people, talking to people you already know is easy. Swingers like to know how their friends have been doing. Be confident, not intimidated, because most groups will welcome you into the conversation if you politely make the first move. Here are some helpful tips to overcome cliques.
Do Prep Work
If you know you are attending a swinger club or a party, try to reach out to people before the event. Most swinger sites have a calendar of upcoming events where you can see the RSVP list. Look it over and drop a nice personalized message to anyone that seems interesting. This way, you aren’t strangers walking into the unknown but rather new friends with people waiting inside to hug you hello. This can really help shy swingers who might feel more comfortable making the first contact online instead of approaching a stranger in real life. Swingers really tend to be a friendly bunch if you make some effort to reach out.
Break From the Herd
If you forgot to do some prep work, you could still break into cliques at swinger events. One way to make the first move with a group of people is to wait for someone to leave the group to get a drink. While they are getting a drink, you can ask them one-on-one if their fun-looking group is a private party or if you can join the chat. This usually results in the person introducing you to the group. On occasion, that fun-looking group will be a private celebration with plans to play within the group. Even then, it’s a win-win situation. You will either make new friends or learn they are not available to play, which will save you time to meet other people. The only way you can lose is by being a wallflower, too scared to chat with others. Starting a conversation with one couple can be much less intimidating than engaging a large group.
Be Confident
Remember that everyone going to a swinger party is looking to make a connection. If they wanted to be alone, they would have stayed home or gone straight to a hotel room. Everyone at a swinger party is looking to meet other swingers. Once you realize this, you will feel more comfortable and confident making the first move and starting a conversation.
Be Strategic
If you don’t want to engage with others, you can definitely be shy and hide away. Since you are reading this article, that probably isn’t your goal. Let’s be strategic and choose not to be shy. Avoid the quiet corners and intentionally place yourself at a strategic bottleneck where people will need to pass & you can compliment them to start a conversation. Don’t dance by yourself. Rather engage others on the dance floor. Don’t sit by yourself at the end of the bar. Look for a large group of empty seats and sit in the middle. Many swingers tired from dancing will look for a seat, and magically you will find yourself in the middle of the action. BYOB party? Bring a special drink to share with others. Basically, do the exact opposite of what a shy wallflower would want to do.
Be Friendly
You can chat with anyone, even if you’re not interested in them sexually. Chatting does not mean you want to play with someone. It just means you want to chat. You should feel comfortable talking with anyone in a group. Of course, everyone’s ultimate goal is to have some sexy fun, so be careful with your time management. The more you talk with someone you don’t want to play with, the less time you have to build a sexy connection with a potential play partner. If you are running short on time, you can exchange contact information and talk later about possibly meeting for a swinger date. Prioritize your conversations, and enjoy your sexy new friends!
Be Active
Wayne Gretzky was right when he said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Being afraid of cliques isn’t going to help you. Open up your mouth and say hi or compliment someone. Sure, some of the people you approach might not want to talk with you. Maybe they are nervous swinger newbies, tired, or having a quiet disagreement with their spouse. That is their problem to worry about and not yours. Turn this into a game, and take turns reaching out to new people. How can you make this important first move? People love being complimented. So ask them where they got their awesome outfit, how they stay in such great shape, or how they learned to move so sexy on the dance floor. You have nothing to lose by being nice to others and making the first move.
Often “cliques” at swinger events aren’t intentional at all, and they aren’t trying to be unfriendly. It is just that some swingers are so busy having fun that they clump together to hear the next hot story or funny joke without intending to shut out anyone. If you make a bit of an effort, you can join in on this fun time 🙂