Swinging is fun but sometimes we need to focus on less sexy things that are also important, like reconnecting after sexy play. It is smart to apply some aloe to your relationship after being exposed to some non-monogamy sun. There are many different thoughts that can be going through both of your minds and you want to ensure those thoughts are focused in a positive direction. This is why it is smart for swingers to reconnect & remind each other of your special bond & support for each other.
Whether your 1st or 100th swinger soirée …
No matter your experience level, it never hurts to take a moment and reconnect with each other. Don’t assume both of you are ok. It is safer to come together and allow both of you to share your thoughts. Your relationship thrives best on a strong diet of open communication, reflection, and self-awareness. Not all partners come out of a swinger party or play session feeling the same way even veteran swingers. Sometimes you enjoy it and feel empowered especially for ladies. Other times you might feel something just isn’t right. And other times just realize a flat-out mistake has been made. No matter the results, it is important a swinging couple takes the time to recoup and debrief, practicing some swinger aftercare.
Aftercare – A Dessert Best Served Immediately
If you are familiar with the BDSM world, you may have heard the term “aftercare”. Aftercare is often needed for both partners to reconnect after a scene or sexual experience. This is when you address each other’s physical, emotional, and psychological needs after your sex play. Swingers can also benefit from this concept of reconnecting and helping address each other’s needs so you are ready to better move forward together. Debriefing with your significant other allows you to discuss what worked and what did not. This allows you both to have an even better experience next time.
What is Aftercare?
Prior to a swinging session, it is important to discuss what swinging aftercare is desired with your partner. This way reconnecting can feel more natural after the playtime ends. Sometimes asking “what do you need?” in the moment can be a bit daunting for some people, especially after an experience that often makes hormones and emotions run high.
Physically, couples may choose to do something sensual or intimately close. This doesn’t need to be sex, it can be any physical action to re-establish closeness. It could be kissing, cuddling, sleeping together, massages, or whatever might works for both of you.
Emotional aftercare can look different depending on each individual’s need. If your partner feels more valued when a sentimental gift is given, consider giving them their favorite dessert or wine after your swinging fun. Some people respond better to quality time and may appreciate going out to dinner, ordering in, or watching a movie together more than a sentimental gift. Words of affirmation can also assuage each other and strengthen your connection. Taking a moment to say “I love you” or “I appreciate you” or “You rocked this today.” is both positive reinforcement and validation. You can also show your appreciation for each other through simple acts like doing a chore that will make your partner happy can speak volumes. You both wan to feel valued and connected.
Psychological and emotional aftercare go somewhat hand in hand. Our mindset before, during, and after the experience can affect our perceptions of the experience. Being reflective and mindful about the experience while it’s raw and present in the memory can improve communication both in the bedroom and overall, in the relationship. Do not worry if you need an hour or two to mentally process the event. Sometimes such an experience, especially those with a history of unfortunate experiences, may require extra processing time before sharing with their partner.
Be a Compassionate Partner
First remember that you have two ears and one mouth, so make sure to actively listen to your partner more than talking. If your partner shares information about something that makes you uncomfortable, use your words. Try your best to keep an open mind especially if you are handling a bumpy situation. You want to work support each other and work together. If you are unhappy, explain how it may makes you feel instead of shutting down. You may even want to take a break to calm down before deciding on changes for future swinging experiences.
Insecure feelings can cause many unpleasant issues in your swinging experience, but they are very real and very normal. What is important in the aftermath of swinging is to discuss in a civilized, understanding manner. If you find yourself feeling insecure, share that insight with your partner so you can work together in a healthy manner. The thrill in sexual adventures is more fun when you are both open-minded and willing to listen. Remember, this takes teamwork!
It’s the Little Things
Sometimes the most important part of aftercare are the little details. For example if you hosted the swinger party in your house, you & your partner would likely appreciate changing your bed sheets before climbing in to sleep. This will help to give a fresh and clean feeling to the night and the next morning.
When you wake up the next day make sure you are both in agreement on how to handle following-up with your swinger friends. Let your partner know if you are texting someone from the swinger event. Being open & honest with each other is a great way to protect your relationship.
If you both enjoyed yourselves, think about planning for the next swinger event, but be careful your enthusiasm is under control especially if you are newer to swinging. Swinging can be great but your partner might not be as enthusiastic as you. Try to find a middle ground between the two of you.
If one of you did not enjoy swinging, the happy one that wants to go swinging again should defer to the comfort of the uncomfortable one. Support each other and do not pester the reluctant partner. Being patient and loving is generally a much wiser approach for you and your partner.
Hey, Thanks for Comin’ 😉
When you have handled your own aftercare, consider following up with your party host or the other swingers you met. Thank them for their time and anything they brought to the party. There are times, of course, where another couple or person may request no contact outside the party or after the experience. This is a perfectly common boundary for them to establish. Sometimes what happens at the party, stays at the party.
One is the Loneliest Number
What if you were a single swinger and went to a swingers’ event? Try to communicate with either the swinging couples you’ve met or a safe and trustworthy friend so you do not have to keep everything in your own head. You can also journal your experience to help you reflect and take care of yourself. Some singles can feel isolated after engaging with a swinging couple. Even if this is not your first swinger rodeo and you feel great, any form of aftercare is valid. Have a bubble bath when you get home. Make yourself an ice cream sundae. Go out to the club and dance. Cuddle with your pet. Hit up a friend with benefits. Just because you are single doesn’t mean you don’t have needs that can benefit from some loving aftercare, so make sure to love yourself.
Reflect, Communicate, Care, Repeat
Use as many of these strategies as you can in your sexual endeavors. There is no single right way to approach swinging aftercare. Customize how you “do after-care” to what works best for you and your partner. The important pieces are to help each other feel safe and appreciated!
