Swinging is awesome fun and you can make many new connections but we all know that the most important relationship is the one with our own special someone. No matter what happens in the lifestyle, we go home with our special someone that we love and want to share a happy life forever and ever. To make sure we all have a happy forever & ever, let’s take a moment to empower you with good tools to strengthen and safeguard your relationship!
You may be tired of hearing people encouraging communication. Honestly, it really is a very important thing for your relationship as you enter the lifestyle. If you don’t have great communication skills, think twice and take a step back. Good communication is how you stay connected and avoid mistakes.
We aren’t saying you need to communicate everything or constantly check in with each other every 5 minutes. We all know those couples and it’s great if it makes them happy but most of us would consider that behavior to be oversharing. You don’t need to text your partner about what you are eating for lunch but you should make sure to communicate the more important things, like bumping into your ex-fiancé at lunch.
For everyone that has been in a relationship long enough, you will eventually realize some things can cause more trouble than they’re worth, and shouldn’t be brought up. Maybe your partner doesn’t want to hear about your ex-fiancé and they already communicated that preference to you. Be smart and talk with each other so you know what should or should not be shared.
If you ask a marriage counselor, they will tell you countless tales of how bad communication sabotages relationships and ultimately makes many divorce lawyers rich. Be smart and communicate with each other. Talk about how you both feel about your relationship, and where you want it to go. Share your honest feelings about the swinging lifestyle and ask your partner about their feelings. Communication is a magical potion for sexy relationships, so use it often.
All the communication in the world is not going to help if you aren’t honest when communicating with each other. If you don’t trust your partner enough to be 100% honest, then you should probably look for a new partner. Your partner loves you and wants to support you. They can’t support you if you don’t honestly share your feelings and concerns with them.
Have enough faith in your partner to share your innermost thoughts. Some of those thoughts may lead to short term disagreements, but in the long term it is much healthier to be honest. You will be more strongly connected knowing that you’re both being fully honest with each other.
Guys, if she asks you how she looks and you always respond with the same generic response (like “you look fine”), it won’t help reassure her. Being honest and letting her know she looks better in one outfit or another will help her trust and rely on you.
Ladies, if he asks about your comfort level, be honest. Don’t lie and let your emotional discomfort grow until there is a massive blow up.
You should both be smart and honestly share with each other.
Now that we are honestly communicating with each other, let’s talk about some of the more important aspects in the lifestyle … boundaries. The best part is that you make your own boundaries with your partner. You should decide together what is too special to be shared and will be reserved just for yourselves.
Some couples set physical boundaries. These boundaries can be soft swap versus full swap swinging, or no kissing allowed, or backdoor play only with your spouse. Talk with your partner about what physical boundaries you both need to feel secure and safe in your relationship.
You can also set emotional boundaries. These boundaries can include no private communications with other swingers, just doing group communications. Another example would be to only play once a month, so swinging doesn’t take over your relationship and vanilla friendships.
Supporting Each Other
You both want to demonstrate to each other that you are their biggest cheerleader. Passively listening to them is nice, but proactively taking steps to show they are your #1 priority in life is even better. Yes, you might be visiting a sexy lending library and playing with other people, but swingers are not your favorite book and never will be your favorite book. Make sure you use your actions each day, and at each swinger event, to demonstrate to your partner that they are your priority.
Talk with each other to identify your common preferences and work together to build a strong synergy towards those goals. Remember to be patient with your partner. If they need extra time, give them all the time they want.
Be loyal to each other. When you are chatting with others, always make sure to mention the many fantastic things about your partner.
Share your passion for each other. Don’t wait for swinger events to be passionate. You love your partner the most, so show them just how passionate they make you feel on a day-to-day basis.
Demonstrate how much you care for your partner. If you are at any party, make sure your partner is your first priority. Think about what they might enjoy. Is their favorite dance song playing? Then bring them to the dance floor. Is their drink almost gone? Then get them another drink. Doing nice things for each other is a great way to let your actions scream how much you care about your partner.
Avoid being judgmental or overly critical of your partner. Life isn’t easy and you are both trying your best to make each other happy. Focus on the positive. Being thankful for all the positive things your partner brings to your relationship is important.
Surviving Your Fight
We all want a life that’s free from drama, but very few of us get to have that life. For the vast majority of people in relationships, mistakes will be made and those mistakes can lead to misunderstandings or fights. Remember you both love each other very much, and you’re both very passionate about your relationship. You can get past it and use it as a learning experience to make your relationship even stronger.
The first step in getting through your fight is to calm down. Often, there is a trigger for the fight that pushes us well past our comfort zone. We want to avoid escalating the misunderstanding to a full blown fight. Focus first on calming down. Try taking deep breaths. If you need to leave the room for a few minutes, do so. Count to ten before you say anything.
After you calm down, you can work on communicating with each other. Talk through the series of events that lead to the misunderstanding. Why did you or your partner find yourself outside your comfort zone?
Once you understand what caused the situation, you can work together to make adjustments that will better protect your relationship and both of your feelings. Success in the lifestyle comes when you can enjoy your desires within your mutually agreed boundaries. You might need to make new rules, adjust old rules, or take a break from swinging.
If you have a bad fight and can’t handle it on your own, seek out a therapist to help. When looking for a therapist, seek out a sex-positive therapist. They can help you figure out if the lifestyle is a good match or if it is better staying in the vanilla world. Some traditional therapists can be too judgmental and not open to different options.