Shared by abzngunz
When we are around 2nd grade or so we learn about the life cycle and learn about the metamorphosis of butterflies and such. I’m starting to wonder about the life cycle of swingers in the lifestyle and what becomes of them as I am at (more like past – ) the end of mine.
Someone told me in a post that I was too judgmental and that people are at different stages in their lifestyle journey. She had a good point. People are at different stages. But that got me wondering what are the actual stages? For my wife and I the stages went something like this –
1st stage – unfathomable and didn’t really realize normal people did this. I thought it was all deviants, sex offenders, rock stars, porn stars and SoCal jet setters that did this sort of thing. My wife thought it was actually illegal and that people would go to jail for it.
2nd stage – was kind of curiosity and titillation that came from my wife and I watching amateur swinger porn together (had to rent the VHS tapes from the adult bookstore to give you a time reference LOL) There were a few questions posed to the other as – “how would you like that??” We talked about what seemed hot and sexy but still saw it as something that only a certain species of people would do or even could do.
The 2nd stage lasted a few years.
3rd Stage – “The Talk.” This was the moment the discussion went from abstract and conceptual to whether it was something we could do in real life. That was when it wasn’t a rhetorical question when we were drunk and horny while watching porn as we were getting it on. It was a discussion of what our thoughts and ideas about swinging were when we were fully dressed, not horny and stone-cold sober.
3rd stage lasted a few weeks with multiple discussions on to even get started if we even decided to try.
Stage 3.5 was posting a profile on AFF (also giving away the time) and starting to chat online with other people.
This portion actually lasted about a year.
4th Stage – The first meeting and nakey time. This was meeting our first couple and having our first experience. This was about a year after the first “Talk”. We met a couple and had a same room/same partner experience where they got down on one side of the hotel kind bed and we got down on the other side. There was no touching or interacting between the two couples but it was still exhilarating and life changing for us. We both had evil grins on our faces for days and we couldn’t keep our hands off each other because we felt so decadent.
5th Stage – Soft swapping. This started a few months after our first experience. We started interacting with other couples physically and truly had some fantastic sex, but did not have actual intercourse with them.
It was at this stage that we began to see that swinging was real and that we could actually do this and that it would be OK and we wouldn’t be ax murdered and we wouldn’t go to jail and that it was quite awesome for us. We began to really dream of what the lifestyle could mean for us.
This stage was about 6 months.
6th Stage – Full swap. This was it. This was the moment. This was when we made it into the Big League and we were actually real swingers. We had been swapping so much we realized it was just one more act and a logical conclusion. It was awesome and it worked amazingly well for us. Sure we had some dead ends and some rejections and near misses. But we were doing it and it was working for us.
7th Stage – Lifestyle Immersion. Somewhere in the first year or two of full swapping, we became immersed in the lifestyle and were not only swingers but became “lifestylers.” It became part of our existence and being. It became part of who we were and we became part of our area’s lifestyle community. All our friends were in the lifestyle. Our kids played with and had sleep overs with our lifestyle friend’s kids. We had family barbecues with our life style friends and their families. We went on weekend getaways and vacations with LS friends. We hosted parties and helped friends host their parties. We organized hotel parties. We traveled to conventions. We counseled and mentored new couples to the LS. We had 3somes, 4somes and orgies. We hosted up to 10 couple orgies in one hotel room and would play in the orgy room of on-premise clubs. It was our life and our lifestyle for many years.
8th Stage – Cracks in the foundation. About 5 or so years into the lifestyle immersion phase, cracks started to develop. It wasn’t as fun anymore for either of us. Especially my wife. Two things were taking it’s toll. Age and all the guys that couldn’t get it up and wouldn’t or couldn’t use other methods and techniques to please her. Menopause was also starting to rear it’s ugly head. She was losing her libido and her interest. But since I was still wanting to live in this fantasy world, cracks also started to appear in our relationship. She wasn’t wanting to hit the clubs and parties like we used to. I was feeling held back and resentful. She was feeling like I only wanted to party and play with other chicks and since she was losing her libido, the other guys and other chicks weren’t doing it for her anymore.
This stage probably went on a number of months and ended when we started having “The Talks” again; only this time the talks were whether we wanted to remain in the LS at all or even still be together as a couple. We decided on staying together as a couple but the swinging and partying were probably going to fall by the wayside.
9th Stage – Closing Acts. We both acknowledged our swinging days were winding down. I was at 50 or a little older and she was almost 50. We were dropping out of the party scene but we actually played a handful of times with some old vanilla friends of ours that wanted to try swapping. We never did tell them we were practically professional swingers just a couple years prior. And one day out of the blue one of our favorite play couples called us and wanted us to come to their first small house party. I was hesitant and pretty ambivalent about but it was actually my wife that was excited about it and was urging us to try to get back in the saddle and see how it goes.
I ended up rocking it with the hostess and the other two wives at the party and for a moment felt like I was back in the game again. However my wife had a MFM with the host and one of the other guys but she said it hurt more than it was pleasurable and I could tell she just didn’t really care anymore. I knew then our days as swingers and lifestylers were pretty much over.
10th stage – Final Curtain. A few months after the last party, I acknowledged our swinging days were done and I asked her if there was any last thing she would like to do before we put the condoms and play bag away for good. I was expecting her to say a gang bang or a one-on-one with one of her favorite dudes or something. But what she wanted was something that she mentioned many times over the years but never panned out before – she wanted to sit in a dark corner and watch me with another chick. Not a FMF, we’d had plenty of those. She wanted to strictly be a voyeur and only watch. This was actually perplexing. Every fem we’d ever been with wanted to rub up against her (she is a beautiful MILF) but finding someone to just have sex with me but be ok with her just sitting in the corner was head scratcher. I finally called up an old FWB from 30some years ago in my youth and ran it by her. she had never married and was very much a free spirit and surprisingly he agreed. We met for dinner. got a very nice hotel room with an upper deck. My wife got out her vibrator and watched my old friend and I from the shadows. It was actually a pretty awesome encounter but I knew without her saying it that it was my wife’s final curtain and our days of swinging were over. That was our last experience a couple years ago.
Final Stage – Retirement. I am now an old, has been, retired swinger. I consider myself an armchair swinger and Monday morning quarterback now. I still wish I was in the game. I do miss it. There are still some things on my bucket list but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do them or not. I am now like the sports commentators that used to play the game but are relegated to the announcer’s booth and no longer take to the field.
I used to be on the outside looking in and dreaming of being in the lifestyle as a wannabe. Then I was in it. And now I am on the outside looking in again but I have a different perspective as “Been There/Done That”. Some times I may come off as jaded or bitter. I’m really not those things, I love the lifestyle and I love swingers and swinging. I wish I was still on the playing field suiting up and playing the game.
But I can see the LS for all it’s warts and sores and scars and blemishes now. I may come off as harsh at times but it’s because I want people to know what they are really getting into and what some of the risks and ramifications can be.
So that is me and the stages and phases my wife and I went through in our life cycle as swingers. PLEASE SHARE YOURS and share what phases and stages you went through and where you are now and how you got there. You can also share where you would like to go.
Swing & Tell is a series of real life stories from real life people sharing their experiences with the swinging lifestyle. Please remember that everyone’s situation is unique so what someone experiences might not be what you will experience. Click here to share your story or read other swinger stories