Shared by MrSmithMrsSmith938
Sharing our thoughts, hopefully it is helpful to others
Some context: Wife and I have jumped into the lifestyle 6 months ago after visiting our first club. We only go to clubs and the occasional private parties organized by people we met at clubs. We don’t participate in any online dating.
Our style of swinging is just show up at clubs and have fun with who is there. We like the spontaneity in the club, we sometime play with complete stranger in the playroom, we like orgies, gangbang, couple swap, etc. We don’t go to club to build relationships, just to talk and have fun with like minded people. We clicked with some and they are lifestyle friends that we like to meet at the club.
We are late 30s/Early40s in decent shape. We take the time to look our best and we try to be kind and treat everyone with respect while bringing a lot of “party energy”.
Impact on our marriage
1. We are having a lot of adult fun as a couple
Going to clubs make great dates for us. We are busy professionals and having that kind of adult fun is very liberating. We are not parents for a few hours and we can be as sexual and open with anyone with meet. The conversations are very honest about sexuality with complete strangers.
It is a team sport as a couple. We both bring our unique attributes and it is fun to have fun together.
2. It made us more empathetic toward each other and others
We all have unconscious bias about people’s choices we don’t understand. Talking and even playing with people who are into other things have made us more open minded. For example, we used to look at BDSM as a strange practice but after trying a little and watching others, we have way more understanding as far what people like about it.
It made us more curious to try new things. I recently played with a trans-woman for example. My wife is very supportive of new explorations.
3. Realized being attractive is not just physical
6 months in, our view on being attractive has changed. We used to worry about fitting into an ideal body image. We realized that in order to be attractive it is a mixture of three things: A. Physical desirability (have a few features others will be aroused by – everyone like different things) B. Sexual fluency (can you give pleasure to your new partner?) C. Charisma (can you hold a conversation and make someone feel great?)
Everyone will score differently on the ABC scale but a serious lacking in one of them will make it harder for you. Ex: hot guy who can chat you up but can’t perform because of condoms, hot guy who could plow your wife three times in a gangbang but then you can’t have a conversation with or he comes of as creepy, good looking woman who has zero confidence, etc.
We have played with many partners younger and older, thinner and larger. The more fun we have is with people who have enough ABC.
We also now work on ABC, and while we are working on our bodies, we also do not stress on trying to look how we looked at 18.
4. It helped us build trust at another level
We started with a solid trust base but swinging pushed it to the next level. Now my wife lets me play at the club even when she is not present. She even finds me women to play with when she is tapped out and I have energy left. I am now super comfortable letting her play with whoever she wants.
This was an area where we evolved quickly. We started as “same room”, “any of us can veto a play partner” to “go have, fun enjoy your time, let me know when you need me with you”.
The biggest evolution for me was transitioning from “I am sharing MY wife with a guy and I have the duty to mate guard my wife” to “I am happy that my wife found someone she wants to play with and i am happy for her she is enjoying her time”
My wife is also happy I get to experience other women and get to experience things she doesn’t like to do at home (Ex: Some my play partners love swallowing cum, my wife hates it).
5. Our conflict resolution skills are much better
Swinging brought a lot of new emotions to deal with, especially for me as the husband. Despite being turned on, it was a challenge for me to see my wife enjoying herself with so many new partners. Each time I felt awkward, we paused, talked and figured things out. My wife had similar emotions to deal with and we worked through them. We established solid boundaries with the play partners, always checked-in with each other, always approached everything as a team. Now that we have the major issues figured out, we can focus on enjoying our time together while swinging.
These skills also helped in other part of our life.
6. It helped us rediscover intimacy in new ways
Before swinging, intimacy was about getting naked and having sex. Now that we do that with complete strangers, I found that cuddling, kissing, hugging with my wife is very intimate and sexy. We enjoy spending intimate time together that is not just sex.
Even the sex between us is more intense and intimate. We try new things like have an orgasm at the same time, locking eyes when we cum, etc.
7. We are both more relaxed
My wife is a stay at home mum (her choice) living in the suburb. It gets to you after a few years. You can feel trapped, overweight, stuck in children land. Motherhood can’t fulfill all your woman’s need and my wife love to slip into her sexiest outfit and play at the club. Feeling great, looking great, sex with hot guys is its own kind of therapy. I am really happy for her.
For me, having so much sex is very gratifying. I grew up in a strict religious environment and got married to my wife young. I never got to explore and I am happy to do it now before it is too late.
Having that kind of outlet for both of us brings a lot of relaxation.
8. We enjoy being part of the community
We didn’t plan to make friends but we ended up finding people we clicked with. They are not close friends, more like sexual acquaintance. They don’t threaten our relationship. But we enjoy seeing them at the club. We sometimes play together and they introduce us to other.
We have started also helping new couples getting comfortable in the lifestyle.
Conclusion: We now feel very comfortable in the lifestyle. It is our new normal. The initial worry of negative impact on our marriage is gone. We used to worry about STI for example but between using protection, HPV vaccine and regular screening we haven’t had any issues, despite having almost a 100 different partners in our first 6 months (my wife does gangbang)
We enjoy the fruits of being in the lifestyle. It has brought us a lot of positive for very little downside and we truly enjoy it. I don’t how long we will keep doing this but it has been a very fun ride so far!
Swing & Tell is a series of real life stories from real life people sharing their experiences with the swinging lifestyle. Please remember that everyone’s situation is unique so what someone experiences might not be what you will experience. Click here to share your story or read other swinger stories