Curious about the swinging world as a single man? You can have a great time but and this is a big one – the supply & demand numbers are stacked against. There is a high supply of single men interested in swinging and there low demand for them. If you are a single guy and can’t already find success at the vanilla single clubs, bars & online tools like Tinder than you probably shouldn’t try the lifestyle.
Many swinger couples (and single swinging ladies) that are opening to having a single guy often have a high requirement list. They want an attractive, confident, respectful guy that can flirt well, perform exceptionally and is flexible to their preferred play style. Remember the supply/demand ratio is not in the single man’s favor so the single man needs to work harder to stand out from the very crowded field of other single men. Swinging is not the solution for single horny guys seeking easy sex. If you can’t convince one single woman to have sex with you at a vanilla singles event, then you shouldn’t expect to have a better chance when you need to convince two people to let you join in their sexy swinging fun.
So you think you are the rare exception? You feel you are in the top 5% of perfect guys? Because that is roughly the odds we are talking about. Check out most swinging websites and you will see there are many single guy profiles for every couple profile. Few couples profiles are willing to play with a single guy. Of course the exact ratio will vary for each area but you have a very long shot of being successful as a single guy in the lifestyle. To connect with swinging couples & unicorns (single women) try the swinging website popular for your area or the classic Adult Friend Finder service.
If you are single guy (or a couple wondering how to best screen single guys) here are some helpful tips.
Do your research and stay in your lane. Many swingers are not interested in single guys. Don’t waste your time or make enemies by spamming uninterested swingers. Focus only on couples that have explicitly stated they are open to single guys. Find out which swinger clubs allow single guys and what rules they have. Very likely the swinger club will only welcome single guys on certain nights and may limit your access to certain areas of the club. It is your responsibility to know the rules or risk being permanently banned.
Get ready to pay up. Singles guys are often charged much higher fees that can even be double the regular rate. Single ladies often get in for free. You might think it is unfair but it is done for a good reason – to separate the serious swingers from misinformed curiosity seekers. Higher fees also help the serious single guy by improving the ratio of women to men. This means more sexy ladies will be inside the party so be prepared to pay up.
After you pay this higher rate, you need to keep your expectations low. The odds are still against you. Live events open to single men tend to have somewhere between 3 to 10 single guys for every sexy lady at the party and not every sexy lady is interested in a single guy. On the bright side you can enjoy a fun & sexy party vibe but that is about all you should expect. Having realistic expectations will help you stay in a happy mood which is important. No couple is interested in a moody single guy that feels he is entitled to sex just because he paid a high admission fee.
To help your odds, let’s cover some common sense that unfortunately is not always common. Make sure you present yourself in the best light. This means being freshly showered (showering 12 hours ago doesn’t count) and well groomed. Have on nice clothes that highlight your best features. Choose subtle colognes or better yet go unscented. A cologne scent is more likely to be a deal breaker than a deal maker. Going with an unscented freshly showered body gives you a better chance with more ladies. You want to make the best first impression to help your odds.
When other swingers approach you at the party, remember to always show complete respect for the guy. If you want a shot to have fun with his significant other you need to demonstrate you respect the guy. It is a rookie mistake for a single guy to forget that swinging couples are a team. The single guy needs to connect with both people in that team. This isn’t like a singles bar where you compete with the other guy to see which one will win the lady. This is an audition with both the lady & her guy to see if you would make a good teammate. This means being positive and engaging with both the lady & her guy. You need both of them to approve for there to be any sexy fun in your future.
Most of the time, your audition will end up with rejection. It is nothing personal. The odds are just stacked against you. The swinging couple can choose to play with you or any of the other many other single guys or decide they prefer to play with a couple that night.
You want to graciously accept this reality. If swingers see you can’t handle rejection with grace, they will avoid you because no one likes drama. When you handle rejection like a gentleman, you are seen as trustworthy and that will boost your standings in the eyes of other swinger couples. Who knows, the original swinger couple might change their mind later in the night so always be gracious and respectful.
Bring your best flirting & conversation game. Swinging parties are all about networking and making connections. These connections might turn into sexy fun that night or might lead to an invite for sexy fun in a few weeks. Be ready to dazzle your new couple friends with your amazing flirting & conversation skills. If you can’t win at the social game, then you are about as useful as a vibrator to the swinger couple and the vibrator will likely win over you since it won’t go soft.
Don’t assume anything. You need to make sure you are actively invited before you make the first move. Many swinging ladies will playfully touch guys during conversation without wanting to play. If it isn’t crystal clear, act like a big boy and use your words before touching. Swinging couples want to see that you will respect and play within their boundaries. If you don’t know their boundaries you should ask. Talk before touching! Otherwise you risk ending it before it even gets to the fun part.
If you are lucky and get the green light for some heavy play action, be prepared. Remember to bring condoms for swinging. Safe sex is important to swingers and you don’t want to get stopped at the last second because there aren’t condoms. Bring enough condoms for you and her husband to have several rounds of sexy fun. While you are packing condoms, grab some non-latex condoms just in case the lady might be allergic. It is wiser to be overprepared than not prepared enough.
If you haven’t found a connection that night, don’t turn into a desperate lurker. This means don’t go around opening closed doors or curtains. Don’t start touching people without asking. Don’t stare down other couples. This will kill any chance you might have had for future visits and can also result in you getting permanently blacklisted. Play it cool and enjoy the fun party vibe. You probably aren’t going to have sex each time you go to a swinger event. Your long term odds will improve if you play it cool even when sexy fun doesn’t happen. Couples remember gentlemen that show they can party within boundaries and they especially will remember drama causing jerks that are just completely unsexy.
To make things easier we have created a mini guide for single men in the swinging lifestyle. It might sound tough but it really isn’t for smart and respectful single men to have a good time in the swinging lifestyle. Worst case you get to enjoy a sexy party, best case you get to make new friend!