Shared by Kiley ‘Sexyswingerchic’
Swinging has always represented a different path of sexual exploration for me. As someone who has spent 3 years in swinger spaces, and not just your average ‘swing on the weekends’ swinger, I’ve been someone completely divulged within these spaces for years now. I’ve learned a lot along my journey. The biggest thing I’ve learned is truly how important creating inclusive spaces is as a community. I remember the first time I ever stepped foot into a swingers club with my partner.
It was a cold January day in 2021. COVID was at its peak, but my husband and I had spent almost a year discussing swinging together, and if truth be told, we had a bit of cabin fever. I remember seeing all different types of people, people from different cultures, different sizes, different colors and ages. I never felt not included that first time, if anything I felt really included. I felt a newfound acceptance and confidence. I had this overall feeling of acceptance and love. I wanted everyone to feel those same feelings I had felt my first time.
It wasn’t until I found myself in online communities that I realized not every experience is the same as mine, a white, young, privileged female in a progressive city, in a female-owned and operated club. After realizing so many people weren’t experiencing the lifestyle in the same way as me, it became almost a mission for me to find ways to explore how we could, as a community, help everyone have the same or even better experience as me.
I think creating more inclusive atmospheres within the swinger lifestyle, whether you’re in Cleveland, Ohio, or anywhere else in the world, involves a delicate approach that’s really focused on respecting individual choices, prioritizing consent, and focusing deeply on creating diverse spaces. Even though the swinger lifestyle is known for its openness to sexual exploration, many people within the lifestyle in marginalized groups or stigmatized groups struggle to find inclusive atmospheres. Here are some things I’ve learned along the way.
I think the first step is creating awareness within the community. Once we learn where the issues and holes are (no pun intended) and where and why people are feeling unsafe, we can start working on educating the community. This helps us create a pace for change. Educating the community about different sexual orientations, gender identities, and preferences will promote an environment where all feel welcome. Providing consent resources, as well as creating online spaces where people feel safe to talk about how they feel, can help us create more harmonious and involved communities.
I also don’t want to discredit the importance of allowing space for open and honest communication. Whether that be among couples, friends, or within communities. Providing space for active dialogue so people can feel heard and valued is important. Some of the pillars of our community involve open, honest, and respectful communication. Creating space for this will help serve as the foundation for trust and consent. It’s so important to create spaces and communities where individuals feel safe to express their needs, boundaries, and preferences without judgment.
I think this is where event coordinators, club owners, and ambassadors within the community come in. I believe event organizers play a significant role in creating inclusive spaces by implementing clear policies that address discrimination, harassment, and consent. It’s essential to have a zero-tolerance policy towards discrimination based on race, sexual orientation, gender identity, body type, or ability.
As a community we have to start showing the community diversity. This is diversity in representation, whether it be in promotional materials, guest lists, or among organizers, those acts send a welcoming signal to underrepresented groups. It’s about ensuring those of various backgrounds feel seen and heard and that can significantly enhance the overall atmosphere of inclusivity.
This means we ensure accessibility for people with disabilities, create gender-neutral restrooms, and design spaces that accommodate varied social interactions, from more public areas to more private spaces where individuals can express themselves openly and safely.
Creating inclusive spaces also means celebrating diversity within the swinger lifestyle. We need to see events that celebrate various cultures, pride events, and discussions on diversity.
Now, doesn’t this all sound so beautiful and wonderful? We could all just sing Kum By Ya by the fireplace and hold hands in harmony. Of course, it sounds great, but how do we actually start implementing all of this?
From my experience as an ambassador of the community we have to start at the very least having these conversations. This will require a commitment to education, communication, and policy implementation that respects and celebrates diversity. Whether it be cultural diversity, body diversity, relationship diversity etc.
Swinging is about freedom, swinging is about self expression and self exploration. Swinging is about being open-minded and embracing our differences within the community. The reality is that the swinging lifestyle is as diverse as those who partake in it. I think it’s truly important to start offering a spectrum of experiences that cater to various interests and identities. In truth there i is no typical swinger. There are humans of different ages, body types, genders, sexualities, backgrounds, and cultures that enjoy this lifestyle. We must continue to foster those kinds of environments and continue to grow as a community so we can create space for everybody to truly feel welcome.
Swing & Tell is a series of real-life stories from real-life people sharing their experiences with the swinging lifestyle. Please remember that everyone’s situation is unique, so what someone experiences might not be what you will experience. Click here to share your story or read other swinger stories