We all want a fairytale ending to our own personal love story. You might be surprised how many people in the swinging lifestyle have already found their fairytale ending with their lifelong partner. And the single people in the lifestyle are likely hoping to find their own fairytale partner worthy of a Disney film.
But even if there’s a lot of romance between individual swinger couples, the lifestyle is not about romance. Love is actually a four-letter word to many people in the community. We generally don’t want to love our swinging partners – we want to lust for them, and have them lust for us. Remember the difference between swinging and polyamory: swinging is a temporary sexy play time for you and your lifelong partner. You arrive with your partner and you leave with your partner.
Many people new to the lifestyle are worried about protecting the romance they share with their partner. Newbies fear that someone in the swinger community will wind up stealing their spouse. The thing is we all love our partners. We want to stay with them and don’t want anyone else to “steal” them. When swingers engage in play with other swingers, they’re focused on the lustful, sexy feelings – not romantic feelings. Even if you find another couple you really like and want to play with often, remember that these are play dates and not romantic dates. Understanding this makes it much easier to handle your swinger feelings.
The swinging community hates drama. Veteran swingers often can sniff out newbies who lack the solid foundation their relationship needs to thrive in the lifestyle. When swingers notice a couple fighting often, or on the verge of a break-up, that couple is often politely ostracized while they privately deal with their drama. Relationship drama is a headache that doesn’t belong with the sexy, fun vibe of the lifestyle. Successfully nurturing our own relationships is hard enough without inviting in extra drama; so there is no need to worry about people in the swinging community trying to steal your partner.
What about single swingers? Sure, there’s a healthy number of singles in the lifestyle, but they’re still a minority. And single people in the lifestyle are likely to be some of the best people you’ll meet. People who are rude, disrespectful, or trying to stir up trouble will quickly be alienated from the community. Singles in the lifestyle are looking for a good time, just like everyone else; they’re looking for someone sexy to play with, not their soulmate. Drama gets in the way of sexy time, and that doesn’t benefit anyone!
Of course, we’re not saying that the lifestyle is perfect. There have been break-ups and divorces. But there are break-ups and divorces in the vanilla world, too. Most countries have a divorce rate over 50% – swinging couples aren’t exempt from those kinds of statistics. Divorce actually tends to be less common among swingers depending on which research you read. This is probably because swingers have above-average communication skills. Swingers know that communicating is the best way to prevent drama and keep everyone happy, smiling, and sexually satisfied.
Speaking of being sexually satisfied, it’s hard to find time to cheat on your partner when you’re attending these awesome, sexy swinging parties. Still, you don’t want to take any chances with your relationship, and you probably want to know how to protect your romance from potential damage. Here are some steps that have worked for many in the lifestyle:
Step 1: Make sure to honestly communicate with each other.
Don’t hold back your real feelings and opinions. No one should be “taking one for the team”; you should both go at the speed of the slowest person. One of you might want more, but remember that any sexy fun is better than no sexy fun. There’s no need to rush it!
Step 2: Keep external communications on a group level.
When emailing, texting, messaging, or communicating in any way with someone outside your relationship, make it a shared experience. Avoid secrets or surprises. By sharing your lusty communiqués with each other, you can make sure everyone is comfortable and playing within the rules. It is very easy nowadays to arrange group texts, group emails or group calls, so there’s no excuse for skipping this step if it might help your relationship.
Step 3: Playing together can make it easier to stay together.
Choosing same room play over separate room helps keep you both connected. Separate room play can be really fun, but it does increase the risk of something not going well. Many swinging people prefer to keep it simple with same room play. If you’re engaging in same room play, don’t go giving each other hall passes. It sounds exciting, but letting your partner go away on their own is definitely raising the chances of rocking your relationship rowboat a bit too much.
Of course these are just suggestions based on what many other people in the lifestyle find to be helpful. You should talk with your own special someone to figure out what makes sense for you.