Do you eat the same dinner every night? No, right? There’s a reason variety is called the spice of life. Non-monogamous relationships and swinging exist to add some spice to our sex lives.
Most couples who are a part of the swinging lifestyle are emotionally happy together and their emotional needs are being met by their own partners. They indulge in non-monogamous sex to enhance their sex life and to enjoy varied experiences. Logically that can make sense but emotionally accepting this can be a bigger challenge for some people. Here are 9 ways to help you emotionally detach yourself for a more enjoyable swinging experience.
- Seek Play Partners Wanting Same Things: Being clear about your expectations is important from the very beginning. You should use dedicated swinger sites, apps or clubs. The vanilla dating options are filled with people looking for a romantic emotional connection. You want to stick with fellow swingers who share the same casual expectations as you. Even better when your swinger friends share the same personal boundaries and play preferences.
- Avoid Romantic Dates: If you want to enjoy some casual swinger sex, you don’t need to spend a lot of time on traditional dating activities that tend to facilitate more emotional connections. A few friendly drinks at the bar is absolutely fine but skip the candlelight dinners or horse drawn carriage rides. Make sure it’s just a sexy, fun night out. Going on romantic dates may confuse you and your swinging connections.
- Set Clear Boundaries And Rules: Swinging is a casual relationship, but the other swingers should still be treated with respect and consideration. You should plan together and clearly communicate your preferences. Some of you might want to skip the kissing as that can feel too intimate; others might enjoy a lazy post-sex cuddle knowing no strings are attached. Make sure to have a conversation about what you all want from the swinging encounter. Be prepared for that conversation by setting your own boundaries before you go on your swinger date and stick with them even when the passion might be rising. Good personal boundaries will help protect you and your emotions from straying into risky territory.
- Expect Them To Behave Differently Than Your Partner: You don’t need to be the best of friends or behave like couples. You can’t expect them to treat you as their partner because you are not. If you expect much more than being treated with respect and sharing pleasure in bed, then maybe casual sex is not really what you’re looking for. Don’t make it awkward for everyone by being gushy, loving, or super cuddly during a play date. You can share jokes, have a sense of humor and keep things light. This will allow you to get everything out in the open.
- Pleasure Is The Priority: When swinging it is totally acceptable & common to have your fun and then head home. There is no need for effort spent building a deep emotional connection. Swinging is simply a physical relationship with casual friends so make sure you keep the focus on the physical fun. Once the sexy fun is over, don’t be afraid to make a polite exit. It is not rude to keep things only on a sexy level. Relationships with some couples might evolve into more meaningful friendships but those tend to build over time.
- Be Honest And Straight Forward: Always be straightforward, polite and honest. No one enjoys trying to decipher mixed signals and misunderstandings lead to drama. Make it clear that the relationship is purely sexual. This makes things easier since you all know and agree on the reason you’re there. You might feel a bit hesitant and awkward if you are a rookie swinger. Experienced swingers understand and welcome polite & honest communication. If someone does not respect you for being honest with them, then you probably shouldn’t be having sexy fun with them.
- Leave If You’re Uncomfortable: If you aren’t enjoying the swinger date or the sexual activity is not what you want, you can politely leave at any time. This is simply casual sex between consenting adults. It works best when people are politely honest with their fellow swingers. This is not a loving romance so there is no need to worry about how the other person may feel when you decide to end the sexy fun. If you were playing catch with someone at your local park, you wouldn’t feel bad about politely stopping and going home when you are no longer interested in playing catch. Swinging has that same level of freedom. You can leave at any time but do try to be polite and respectful when you depart.
- Stay Connected With Your Partner: It is essential to have open communication with your own romantic partner before, during, and after swinger dates. Yes, you have had a conversation about choosing this lifestyle, but it is essential that you regroup often to have important discussions about maybe developing feelings for someone, or if you are enjoying this lifestyle, or if you want something else from the relationship. We all are continually evolving and the same is the case with our sexual preferences.
- Avoid Swinging With Vanilla Friends: A swinging relationship with your vanilla friend or someone you know outside the lifestyle may impact your existing relationship with them. They might not be as mature as you to handle it. They might have lingering romantic feelings that they haven’t voiced. They might expect sex to take your relationship in a direction you have no interest in going. If anything goes wrong, you will likely encounter them in public areas and there is a chance of awkwardness becoming too evident to hide. Give preference to people you do not meet in your day to day life to make it easier to stay detached and protect your privacy.
- Bonus Tip – Think Less, Do More: Sex should make you feel happier. If your swinging relationship adds guilt or stress to your life, you need to make some changes. If you are feeling too much anxiety and overthinking it, then maybe changing your swinging partners, cutting down on the frequency of swinger dates or you putting in place a full pause to swapping could help you.
Honestly, even if you follow all of these tips you might still find yourself confused with your emotions because emotions can be very tricky. Our brain can dupe us and get the best of us with all of the hormones released from sex. The key to remember is that those confusing feelings aren’t love. To help clear you mind, make sure to reconnect with your own romantic partner after each swinging outing.