Hey single ladies, want to have your sexy fun but are afraid of being solo in the swinging lifestyle? We understand and are here to help you stay safe. Honestly, the swinging community is a great bunch of people that tend to go out of their way taking care of each other – including single ladies aka unicorns. But nothing is perfect in life and that includes the swinging lifestyle. There is always the chance (thankfully a relatively small chance) of coming across people with bad intentions in the swinging lifestyle. So we are here to explain some things that you should look out for and how to better protect yourself.
Be Your Best Advocate!
Don’t be afraid to ask any question that will help you feel more comfortable and better protect yourself. Single ladies are in high demand in the swinging lifestyle so you can make any rule or set any personal swinging boundary that works for you without worrying about a shortage of dates. Worry less about upsetting others and focus more on keeping yourself safe.
Google Yourself First
Before you start sharing information and pictures with swingers, check out what information can be found about you online. Some people can be a bit nosy and will try to Google you to learn more about what you like & don’t like. If it’s a creepy person, you don’t want them to be able to track back to any sensitive information. This is why you want to be careful about what is available online about you and avoid using pictures or information that can backtrack to your private vanilla information. Don’t use anything from Facebook or Instagram for swinging as it can track back to a ton of your personal information.
Value Your Privacy
When sharing information with other people, use a need-to-know mindset. If they don’t need to know, then don’t share it. You definitely don’t have to share specific information about your job or home (assuming you aren’t bringing swingers back to your place). You don’t even have to give your real full name, especially if it’s the first time you are meeting someone. When in doubt, wait to share information. You can always share more later but you can’t regain your privacy once it’s been exposed. Swingers value their own privacy and understand this mentality. Swingers tend to be very respectful when it comes to protecting privacy.
Screen Online Swinging Connections
There are too many horny troublemakers so make sure to properly screen everyone you meet online. Use dedicated paid swinger sites – they are are very cheap for single ladies to join and that paywall keeps out most troublemakers. Once on the swinger site, only engage with profiles that have been certified/verified as being real. Then make sure you get face pictures before agreeing to meet in real life. Time to start using some probing questions like…
- Why are they swinging? Healthy reasons like mutual fun or scary drama reasons like trying to fix a broken relationship?
- Are they straight, bi experienced, bi-curious or only bi-comfortable? Make sure it matches with your desired play.
- What is their actual experience? Have they done threesomes? Together or separately? What about bi-action?
- What is their preferred threesome situation? Good to hear things like equal participation, respect, consent, safety, etc.
- When were they tested for STIs? Be informed so you can determine if its within your own risk tolerance.
Don’t be embarrassed or too shy to ask these questions. You want to protect yourself. If you have any questions, go ahead and ask. Remember you want to be your own best advocate – you are worth it! Click here for even more screening tips.
Voice Verify Before Meeting
For extra insurance, take the time to voice verify with the other couple before meeting them to make sure they are a real couple and you will have good chemistry together. You can use KIK to do a live video chat to make sure it’s not a guy pretending to be a couple or a couple using old photos that don’t look like their real current selves. You could also sign up for Google Voice to make calls without exposing your real vanilla phone number.
Recruit a Guardian Angel
Pick a trusted friend who you can share the details of any meetup with and have them act like a guardian angel virtually watching your back while you are on the date. It is highly unlikely your guardian angel will ever need to do anything but knowing someone is watching your back can make you feel so much more comfortable. You don’t even have to reveal you are unicorn in the swinging lifestyle. You can simply tell them you are going on a blind date, then share the face picture you were sent & the meeting details. Regularly check in with your guardian angel as the date progresses. If the couple offers you a ride in their car, text the license plate to your friend. Set up your mobile phone to share your location (plenty of different apps will do this) so your friend knows where you are during the date. You can also say you need to use the bathroom for an opportunity to secretly text your friend. When you are safely back home, send a nice thank you text letting your friend know its all been safely finished.
Team Up With Other Unicorns
You are not the only single woman interested in enjoying her sexuality in non-traditional ways. There are actually many unicorns out there. To find another swinging unicorn, use the paid swinger sites or meet them at your local swinger club. The other unicorns can share helpful tips and recommend the couples and single swinging men that gave them the best experiences and also warn you away from drama plagued couples. If you want to attend a swinger club but are feeling nervous going alone, you can invite another unicorn to join you. Ladies in the lifestyle tend to be very friendly & helpful to other ladies, so don’t hesitate to reach out to them.
Meet In Public Places
Because there are some online troublemakers and swinging couples that use old photos (much more common), make sure to pick a public place with other people around for your first meeting. It can be your local swinger club or a nearby hotel bar. A coffee shop works, too. This gives you the chance to make sure the people match the face pictures they sent you. In case you skip the voice verify step, this protects you from a single guy lying about being a couple. If it’s a couple who used really old photos and aren’t appealing to you, you can also safely bail out.
Chat In-Person Before Playing
Even if they look sexy when you first meet them, don’t immediately go off to have sex. Spend a bit of time chatting with both of them to make sure their relationship dynamic is strong & healthy. You don’t want to be around an insecure couple when the clothes come off. Drama is not fun so pay attention to their body language and make sure the couple is comfortable with each other. Look out for any signs of jealousy, especially if they don’t have much experience with a unicorn.
Go Easy With Alcohol
There is a good chance the swinger couple will offer to pay for everything including your drinks because swingers tend to be very friendly and generous. (Also, they are trying to make the best possible impression to improve their chances of getting in your pants.) You should take it easy on the alcohol especially if its the first time you are meeting a couple. You want a clear head to pick up on any bad vibes. To be super safe, make sure to get your own drinks straight from the server. It’s unlikely that anyone is going to try to slip you something in the drink, but why risk it? Make sure at least every other drink is non-alcoholic so even if you are feeling nervous and drinking too quickly you won’t accidentally get drunk. And you’ll stay hydrated.
Seriously, Be Your Best Advocate!
If at anytime you don’t have a good vibe, bail out. There is no reason to ever stay in a potentially bad situation. You have the power to say NO at any time for any reason. Stand up for yourself and never hesitate to listen to your inner voice. Do not worry about being rude because as one of our friend’s says, “It’s better to be wrong and safe than right and in danger.”
Be Vigilant With Condoms
Never assume anything when it comes to safe sex. Make sure they have condoms. Make sure they are using the condoms on every penis and sex toy that enters your body. Make sure they change the condom every time they change partners. Look and touch regularly during sex to make sure the condom is still where it’s supposed to be and doing what it’s supposed to be doing. Afterwards, make sure to look to make sure it comes out intact. Never assume anything. It doesn’t matter if they claim their last STI test was clear or if they claim to have had a vasectomy. People say and do stupid things, especially horny people in the middle of passion. Don’t take any chances. Keep yourself protected.
Don’t Have Them Take You Home
You probably don’t want them to know your home address so don’t have them take you home unless home is the local police station. Safety is a huge reason not to share your address, especially if you live alone, but basic privacy is also a consideration. You don’t want people showing up out of nowhere because they were “just in the neighborhood”! The vast majority of swingers are awesome people but you will probably feel much more comfortable knowing your home address is unknown to them.
Phew! That was a lot of safety tips. We aren’t trying to scare any single woman interested in exploring her sexuality in the swinging lifestyle. These tips are here to help you better protect yourself and feel more comfortable. Thankfully, the majority of swingers are great people who will go above & beyond trying to take care of you. Be smart and go enjoy yourself!