To help people new to swinging (& even veterans) stay on a sexy and fulfilling path, we have put together a list of rules to help guide your swinging journey. One quick note before we dive into the rules: relax a little. We’re not talking about the Ten Commandments or federal law here. We put this list together to help you navigate your individual lifestyle journey, not to direct you on a particular path.
Think of them more as the start of talking points for you and your partner to figure out what works best for the two of you. You might find that some of them are less important than others. You might decide to add a few more. Do what works best for your situation. You do you. Together.
Prioritize Your Relationship
Swinging should only be a bonus to an already great relationship. Make sure you give your lifelong commitment the VIP treatment. Put it above all others. If things aren’t okay, step back and work together to be back in your happy place. The swinging lifestyle will still be there whenever you are both ready to enjoy it again. You only want to move as fast as the slowest person. Show how much you love each other by waiting for them to be ready & comfortable. Vanilla life can create enough distractions and stress to complicate our relationships without adding swinging to the mix. Other swingers will thank you for not bringing any drama to the party.
Manage Your Risks
Swinging is all about managing risk. Sex is never 100% safe, but there are many things you can do to make it safer. Besides the health risks, there are also potential risks to your privacy & employment so keep those nudes and personal details safe. Even if your job is secure, you might be exposing yourself and your kids to bullying or harassment. Do not assume that anyone cares about your health or wellbeing as much as you do. Trust should be earned. Once it is, trust but verify. Become educated about the different risks and take action to protect yourself. If you can’t talk to your regular connections about your sexual activity (like your primary doctor), seek out others who are qualified. You can search Google or Youtube for tutorials on being discreet about your online activity (for example, “how to erase my google search history” or “automatically close my incognito browser window”).
Understand All Good Things End
Enjoy each swinger moment for what it is, and recognize that it is temporary. Swingers are not looking for a new spouse to spend eternity together. At some point, the four-way connection will probably stop working for someone in the group. Maybe someone becomes too busy or wants to experience more variety. The “why” doesn’t matter. The more important thing is to remember this is the natural progression of any swinger connection. Live in the moment, cherish the memories of old friends, and look forward to the experiences you will have with new ones.
Make Friends Out Of Swingers, Not Swingers Out Of Friends
It is much easier and safer to make friends out of swingers who understand the non-monogamous landscape. Your vanilla friends might be attractive, but they may not be open to non-monogamy or emotionally ready to deal with its unique challenges. Even if they are, you can’t be sure they are interested in you as more than friends or if they will be able to keep your swinging choice private from others. There are too many variables. We can never predict how our vanilla friends will respond to our swinging lifestyle, so it is best not to put them in a difficult position. Avoid potential awkwardness and ensure your privacy by being cautious about exposing your swinging to people in your vanilla world.
Handle Your Emotions
As much as swinging is about casual sex without emotional attachments, we are all still human. And humans are emotional creatures. Make sure to be mature enough to manage all of the different emotions that can pop up. It is ok to temporarily step back to reflect on and defuse jealousy and other uncomfortable feelings. None of us are perfect, but we can identify our triggers and resolve the drama before it erupts.
Don’t Yuck Someone Else’s Yum
We are all freaky in our own different & unique ways. Always be respectful towards other people, even if their turn-ons are turn-offs for you. We can still co-exist in a friendly & respectful manner despite all of us (yes, that includes you) being flawed creatures. Who knows, you might even like their freaky preferences if you try it once or twice. Keeping an open mind allows all of us the freedom to discover what we truly desire & not what society pressures us into desiring. Real-life rarely follows straight black & white lines, so leave behind that rigid mindset and be flexible towards whatever possibility might happen.
Communicate with your life partner & with your swing partners. Then do it even more. Non-monogamy is uncharted & confusing territory for most, so let’s make it easier. None of your partners are mind readers, so help them out. Share how you are feeling so people can help when you are feeling nervous or insecure. Talk about what you desire and what you dislike, then ask the others how they feel. The more we communicate and inform each other, the better we can all work together to stay in a happy place.
Live Your Best Life
We will all die someday, so make the most of your time while you are lucky enough to have it. None of us are becoming younger, so enjoy your body. If you want to be silly, be silly. If you want to experiment, go experiment. Being different & trying new things can be scary, but you will never know just how amazing your life can be if you don’t step out of your comfort zone on occasion. Give yourself permission to have fun & enjoy life however you like it. You can be the person you always wanted to be.
Collaborate More, Compete Less
The swinging community is best when we work together. Swingers are here to partner up with you for good times. Don’t treat them like disposable sex toys. Be kind. If there is a misunderstanding, assume they meant well and work together to move forward. Take turns spoiling each other with pleasure. The vanilla world can be a lonely & uncaring place. We all have the power to create a community filled with compassion & passion.