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You are here: Home / Swinging Basics / Repairing Relationship Feelings After Swinger Mistakes

Repairing Relationship Feelings After Swinger Mistakes

Swinging can introduce problems into a relationship, especially when you are not ready to enter the lifestyle and not committed to putting in the work necessary to make it work.

It’s a different type of lifestyle and can take some adapting. You may think that you and your significant other are perfect & all prepared for this kind of relationship and rush into it.  Then you go out on a few playdates and make a few mistakes. You start to realize that swinging may not be as easy as it looks from the outside.

Let’s roll up our sleeves and talk about how we can repair hurt relationships after hitting some bumps in the swinging lifestyle.

Tip 1-  Be A Team 

A common mistake that couples make when swinging is that they forget they are a team. One or both get caught up in the excitement and accidentally neglect their teammate.  This misstep can cause issues in the relationship.

When you or your partner make a mistake, regroup and remember you are a team.  Remember, it is not you versus your partner but both of you versus the issue.  Together as a team, you are much better.  Remind your partner how much you love & cherish them. Don’t allow minor mistakes to become major problems.

Being a team means only going as fast as the slowest person.  You don’t want to create an opening for a rift.  If you aren’t sure how your partner feels, talk to them.  Make sure you are both clear on what you both want. A swinging lifestyle can only work if both people work together.

Tip 2 – Talk with your partner

Maybe your partner wants to take a break, but you don’t want to leave the swinging lifestyle yet. This disagreement often causes problems in relationships. What can you do then? There is no right or wrong way to heal a broken relationship, but there is something that you can do: Communicate.

Always be honest with your partner during the swinging part of your relationship. Talk to them about your experience and what you felt before and after the sexual experience.

Make sure you tell them that what’s happening is just physical. Sometimes a partner needs reassurance in the relationship, and if you give that to them, they probably will be a lot more relaxed.

Tip 3 – Deal with problems right away

If you or your partner does something that makes either of you unhappy, deal with the problem right away! It is much easier to fix a small problem before it grows into a big crisis. Whether you’re having problems in your sex life, in your personal life, different feelings, it doesn’t matter. Deal with it immediately.

How to deal with it? You know your partner the best and how to calm them down and reassure them. If you aren’t sure, then start with communicating.

Tip 4 –  Take Responsibility 

If you made a mistake like breaking the ground rules while swinging, take responsibility for your actions.  Let your partner know you made an error.  Protect the honesty & trust you have together.  Don’t risk it by keeping secrets.

It’s better to take responsibility for your mistake, apologize and work together on how best to move forward to make your relationship better.  Maybe you will need to agree on modified ground rules to avoid breaking them again, or perhaps there are specific triggers that you will need to avoid.  Being honest & talking it over will give you & your relationship the best outcome possible.

Tip 5 – Focus on Forgiving

It is better to forgive than to hold onto your pain.  That will simply grow into anger & resentment.  Forgiveness is as much a gift to yourself as it is to your partner.  It’s not easy to do, but forgiving is a potent tool that can help you.

Let’s be clear we are not talking about “forgiving & forgetting” but rather “forgiving & adjusting.”  We don’t want mistakes to be repeated and cause pain in the future. This is why it is essential to make any necessary adjustments.

Tip 6 – Take a break

At the end of the day, nothing is more important than your fantastic relationship. Swinging is simply a bonus to it. When swinging causes drama that impacts your relationship, it is time to take a break from the lifestyle.  It might be a one-month break or an indefinite break.  Take as long as you need to ensure your relationship is protected.

You can rejoin the swinging lifestyle after you have secured your relationship. There is a chance that the headaches from swinging aren’t worth the fun times.  Do what is best for your relationship, even if that means saying goodbye to the swinging lifestyle.  Your own relationship should always be the highest priority.

Tip 7 – Have some ‘our’ time, away from everybody

Finding time for just the two of you to reconnect is smart. If you’ve been putting off that second honeymoon, maybe now is the time to make reservations. Getting away from everyday stressors and interruptions presents a beautiful opportunity to reconnect and talk through your differences.

Don’t worry if treating your significant other to a fabulous weekend getaway isn’t in the budget. A vacation is not the only option. A romantic dinner by candlelight could be all you need to rekindle the fire. The important thing is that the two of you focus only on each other.

Conclusion

Our best advice is to be active in your relationship too. Not just in the swinging lifestyle. Be present and available for your partner, mentally,  emotionally and physically.

Swinging is not all sex, fun, and games. It actually takes a good bit of work. You can face serious consequences if you are not observant enough. Mistakes happen. They don’t always spell disaster, and they don’t have to be the end of your swinging. After making mistakes, it is essential to rectify them and learn from them.

What matters the most is that you prioritize your relationship above all. If you work together as a team, you will both be able to enjoy the many adventurous possibilities presented in the lifestyle.

 

Last Updated: October 21, 2022
Written By:Emma Townson
Tagged With: Aftercare, Relationship Help

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Welcome to Swingers Help! We’re Dr. Georgia & Will Fuchs, a married couple who have been enjoying our swinging time through the consensual non-monogamy community. Our experience hasn’t been perfect or drama-free but we don’t regret at all making the decision to start swinging. To share our swinging enjoyment, we authored the top ranked Swingers’ Little Helper book and provide free videos, articles, games, & relationship exercises on this site.  Join us as we share our insights on the swinging lifestyle.
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