‘They say you never forget your first time’- It is such a cliché but still so true. Unfortunately for many, their first swinging experience is anything but moonlight and roses- it can be more like being a deer caught in a fast approaching car’s headlights.
Feelings of anxiety, fear and stress can well up inside. These negative feelings can totally overshadow your much anticipated first time. But take heart- you are not alone and there is hope.
Swinging or engaging in any non-monogamous activity can be a very foreign idea to your mental framework and it can take some time to accept and become accustomed to it. More often than not, new swingers are eager but don’t have an idea what is actually in store for them. Questions, anxiety and fears start to emerge in their minds.
There are many different fears that can cause a glitch or two in the beginning of your new alternative lifestyle, but thankfully there are also many ways to counteract them.
Most performance anxieties and swinging challenges are psychological. Men and women are both susceptible to it and it is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed by. Performing in front of people other than your partner- and even more so when you don’t know them- can make you think you are inadequate body wise as well as introduce many other distracting thoughts. This anxiety can manifest in real physical issues like erection troubles or vaginal dryness.
Another anxiety provoking concern is the swinging setting itself. Questions like the type of clothes to wear. What clothing would be appropriate to create the right impression- not too prudish yet not too provocative. Where do we go? Will we fit in? And the list can be endless.
Some also feel challenged by rivalry-related or jealousy concerns. Will my partner be more attracted to someone at the party other than to me? Will I be left sitting alone while my partner has fun with someone else? Will I be able to cope with the jealousy? There are many more anxiety-provoking thoughts and fears that are very common and natural to encounter. You are not alone if you are facing them and here is how we calm those nerves.
Swinger communities are very friendly and accepting places, so relax and discover these tips and methods to help calm the nerves and better enjoy your experience.
Overcoming Challenging Fears
To prepare yourself, you can do research to reduce the chances of being unpleasantly surprised. There are plenty of swinger podcasts and even books you can read. In the privacy and comfort of your own home, you can prepare at your own pace. This will help you feel less intimidated when attending your initial swinging meet and greets.
A second way to help yourself is to discuss in detail your initial rules and boundaries with your partner. An example can be to choose to only watch during your first visit or to only play together. You have full control over what will and will not happen during your experience. You can take very small steps to explore the lifestyle while remaining within your comfort zone.
A third tip is to join your local swinger site and build some connections. Looking at prospective swingers’ profiles can help you feel more comfortable. Building up a connection before attending real life events will make other swingers feel like online friends you are excited to meet in person rather than mere strangers.
Fearing for your comfort in a crowd can also be a worry. Couples can overcome this by creating a form of secret communication signals. Signals and words only you two know and understand can be used.
Another common concern is over safety from STDs. To minimize this anxiety, you can insist on everyone using condoms (which is extremely common in the lifestyle) and some parties require the results of recent tests for admission. A different safety concern regards being touched by someone without them asking. This is rare as consent is super important and highly enforced in the lifestyle. Getting consent to touch is an extremely important requirement for playing with others. Without your full consent, no one is allowed to touch you in any way. The swinger community is very serious about the safety of their members and strong followers of “No Means No”.
Many in the swinger community are worried about their privacy. Rest assured, privacy and discretion is of paramount importance within the community. Here are tips for protecting swinger privacy and you can expect that the swingers you meet greatly value privacy and discretion. What happens in a swinger party, stays at the swinger party.
Taking Care of Each Other
Remember you are an amazing team and take care of each other. Use that solid communication between the two of you to be your own best allies. You are strong partners and have each other’s backs. You don’t need to rush into anything immediately- take it slow until both of you are good and ready. The lifestyle will be ready when you are.
Swinging can be stressful with many anxieties to overcome but together you can do it. This is an open community filled with so many other great couples excited to share in your adventures!