Opening up your relationship for some non-monogamous swinging fun can definitely be … well, just fun. After you have your fun, you will want to reconnect with your own partner. As swingers know, it is nice to share with others but at the end of the night we all want to go home with the sexiest person – our own partners.
We all have feelings and it is wise to pay attention to those feelings. This is why reconnecting on a mental & physical level with your own partner after swapping is very important to many swingers. It is very natural to seek reassurance that you are both happy & your relationship is still strong.
How to Reconnect?
There is no single right or wrong way to reconnect after swinging. You want to do what is best for you & your relationship. For most of us, we will want to reconnect on a mental & physical level. Of course, everyone is different. So be smart and modify these tips to make them work best for you and your special loved one.
Debriefing with each other can be a good way to defuse situations before they might grow into big explosions. It can be very helpful reliving the entire encounter from the start. If it was a great encounter, then its nice to relive that happy memory. If it wasn’t a great encounter, you can go step by step to figure out how to avoid repeating the unfortunate parts in the future.
Going through it step by step also ensures you are both informed about all the important details. When you are having fun in a group setting, it is unrealistic to be aware of what everyone is doing at every moment. Comparing your experiences afterwards with each other ensures you both are informed and there are no secrets. Secrets are fun in Hollywood movies but when it comes to protecting your relationship, open communication is much more helpful.
The car ride home can be a great debriefing opportunity. Since you will both be facing forward in the car, it can reduce the stress of sharing certain details that you might not be 100% comfortable admitting face to face. It is better to have this mental re-connection sooner rather than later while the details are fresh in your mind. If it’s very late, you can wait till the next morning to talk. If something happened that has made you upset, you might want to wait till you can both calmly discuss it. You don’t want to make a bad situation worse by either of you lashing out from an overly emotional or drunk frame of mind.
You might want to keep in mind these helpful tips when you are mentally reconnecting after swinging…
- Being right is less important than being in love – Life is rarely perfect and that includes swinging. If something didn’t go perfectly smoothly, please remember to focus more on understanding and compassion towards your loving partner more than pointing fingers & assigning blame.
- Be curious and ask – Making assumptions is rarely the best option. The more you communicate with each other, the more insurance you can build in protecting your relationship.
- Smile more, worry less – Opening up your relationship to swinging is no small thing. People tend to not respond well to unnecessary pressure. Remind yourself and your partner of all the good things in your life. You are in a relationship because you love each other. Don’t lose track of that critical point and remember swinging is only a temporary bonus to your amazing relationship. When you share such an incredible & loving relationship, nothing else really matters.
Some swingers may think of it as “reclaiming” each other and others may prefer the term “reconnecting”. As long as you and your partner both respect each other it doesn’t really matter which term you use. We are basically talking about the same exact thing. Wanting to re-establish your special physical intimacy & enjoy feeling that familiar touch between the both of you. When we were all kids, we had our favorite stuffed animal. If you ever shared your special teddy bear with someone else, you also probably gave that teddy bear a big hug when it was returned to you. It is very understandable to want to physically reassure yourself & your partner that you are both still there & together.
Many swingers find it better to physically reconnect sooner than later. Not to mention you get to relive those super hot sexy memories of your swinging encounter. Those memories can supercharge your intimacy with a bit of new energy resulting in extra hot sex between you and your partner for several days after your swinging encounter.
To make your physical re-connection special you can try a few different methods.
- Kissing for 10 Minutes – Kissing reduces anxiety and boosts intimacy. Placing a minimum time on this fun activity ensures your excitement won’t rush you past this very loving activity.
- Keeping Your Eyes Open – Whether you are kissing or doing something more frisky, looking into each other’s eyes can help you better bond and remind you both how much you love each other’s amazing body.
- Cuddling for 10 Minutes – You don’t even need to have sex to physically reconnect. Simply sharing the touch of your bodies against each other is reassuring and relaxing.
- Try Something New – When you open up your relationship to swinging, you will probably come across a swinger partner that does something differently. Learn from those new experiences and bring the best ideas back home.
To better separate the swinging lifestyle from your own special relationship, you can develop private routines that are reserved for just you. Some swinger couples have developed a bit of a ritual in visiting their favorite takeout place on the car ride home from the their local swinger club where they order their favorite items while debriefing over the sex craziness of their latest swinging encounter. Other couples have a special breakfast routine for the next day or they take a bubble bath together as they stretch out their sore muscles from that sexy workout. Do whatever works for you & your special partner and keep it reserved for only you two.
Remember you are in this together! You should spend as much time & effort reconnecting after swinging as either of you need. It doesn’t really matter if one of you feels comfortable if the other person feels uncomfortable. When in doubt, double your effort. We know it is so horrible having to cuddle, kiss and enjoy the most special someone – our own partner. Talk with your partner and make sure they are okay; don’t assume that they feel secure & happy.
Don’t make any assumptions. Just like we just discussed about not wanting to assume your partner is okay, you also don’t want to jump to any other conclusions either. For example, if your partner does something extra special like surprise you with flowers or your favorite treat, don’t assume they have broken rule or done something wrong. Swinging can truly be an amazing experience. Some blissful partners will want to take extra special care of their amazing partners who enabled such a memorable moment. If you are worried or confused, make sure to communicate that to your partner. Those special little surprises are usually just a very happy swinger being extra grateful towards their amazing partner.
Reconnecting With Swinging Partners
While we are talking about reconnecting with our own special partner, we might as well talk about reconnecting with your fun swinger partners. Remember swinging is about casual sex with friendly people. This is not polyamory, so there is no need to send flowers or chocolates to them (you can send the chocolates to us for all this helpful advice). Simply sending a complimentary text or email the next day would be appreciated by many swingers. If you had a good time, say so and ask if they are interested in meeting up again. Don’t be upset if they decline your offer. Respect their privacy and don’t probe. Maybe they are busy or maybe they didn’t enjoy it as much as you did. Maybe they have rules against repeating. It doesn’t matter. Be polite & respect their swinger privacy. Don’t stalk them. If you see them again, wave hello & smile because that is what friends do when they see other friends.