Life isn’t perfect, and the swinging lifestyle has plenty of potential for bad experiences. Hopefully, you never have a terrible experience. If you are reading this article, you probably have already had a negative experience. We are very sorry if that is the case. Instead of focusing on the negative, let’s talk about some ways you can move forward positively that is right for your situation.
Ask Questions
We aren’t sure what happened to you, but you should be sure that you fully understand the details and different perspectives involved. There are many pitfalls of swinging, and you want to know what went wrong to address it best. Ask plenty of questions to ensure no misunderstanding, accidental omission, or miscommunication. If it is hard to talk about it, try limiting the conversations to 15 or 30 minutes, so it is more manageable and the conversation doesn’t spiral out of control. If you can’t calmly discuss it, try texting or emailing each other. Just remember to wait till you are calm before responding. Remember, we are trying to resolve the drama and productively handle this situation.
Prevention & Protection
Once you have all the details and understand what happened, think about the specific things that contributed to the situation. It was unlikely caused by a single action. There was probably a lead-up of many contributing factors that created the opportunity and allowed the lousy scenario to happen. Perhaps other people and contributing factors could have prevented it if things had been handled differently. You should consider these different pieces and determine what rules can be adjusted to protect yourself and your relationship. This isn’t fun, so let’s do what we can to avoid repeating this bad experience. You want to protect yourself, your special someone, and your relationship. Don’t be afraid to do what is best for your situation. You will probably want to make several changes to your rules & communication to protect yourself better. Remember swinging is a bonus to our sex lives. So don’t hesitate to limit that bonus to keep the good going and prevent the bad from returning.
Professional Help
Some issues might be too complex for the two of you to resolve on your own. If you need help, consider reaching out to trained professionals. Sex and relationships are not easy to handle, especially if you are surprised by an experience that damages trust in your partner. Powerful feelings like jealousy in swinging can be challenging to handle without some outside help. When trying to find the right professional for you, ask them about their training in human sexuality and what degrees they hold. Ask them how they define “sex-positive” and their views of non-monogamy. Some people, including professionals, are not open-minded.
Accepting Responsibility
To move forward, the person that caused this lousy experience should take responsibility for their actions. Often the bad experiences aren’t caused 100% by a single person. Each person should take responsibility for their shortcomings. If someone can’t admit and accept responsibility, there is little hope they won’t cause a repeat of this problem. If a swinger friend made a mistake, you should consider allowing them to rectify the situation. If they don’t fix the case, you should consider removing that person from your future swinging plans to protect you from repeating mistakes.
Treat Yourself
To help push the reset button, consider treating yourself to some special TLC treatment—maybe even some retail therapy. You can go out and get yourself a sexy new outfit to give you more confidence and help you feel more comfortable to move forward. You can also go out to a special restaurant before heading to your next lifestyle event so you are arriving in a good mood. Feeling optimistic and happy can help you not focus on the previous bad experience and start creating fresh good experiences. If you are dealing with a severe issue, consider taking an indefinite break from the lifestyle. You can go on a mini-vacation to enable you to focus on yourself and your relationship. You are the best advocate for yourself, so treat yourself the best way possible.
Understand Recovery Isn’t Linear
Recovering from bad or traumatic issues is not easy. It rarely follows a simple straight line. You will more likely have some good days & some bad days on your road back to a happy status quo. Don’t be surprised if you need to take a break before you can confidently restart swinging together. There might be some potential triggers that can set back your healing process. If you feel frustrated during this rebuilding & recovery phase, try to focus your energy on a more productive avenue. Work together to build safeguards to protect yourself and spend time together strengthening your relationship so it can better handle any bumps you might encounter on your journey through the swinging lifestyle.