Life isn’t perfect and there is plenty of potential for bad experiences in the swinging lifestyle. Hopefully you never have a bad experience or if you do that it is a very minor issue. If you are reading this article, you probably have already had a negative experience. We are very sorry if that is the case. Instead of focusing on the negative, let’s talk about some ways you can move forward in a positive way that is right for your personal situation.
We aren’t sure what happened to you but you should be sure that you fully understand the details and different perspectives involved. Ask plenty of questions to make sure there is no misunderstanding, accidental omission, or miscommunication. If it is hard to talk about it, try limiting the conversations to 15 or 30 minutes so it is more manageable and the conversation doesn’t spiral out of control. If you can’t calmly discuss it, try texting or emailing each other. Just remember to wait till you are calm before responding. Remember we are trying to resolve the drama and handle this situation in a productive manner.
Prevention & Protection
Once you have all the details and understand what happened, think about the specific things that contributed to the situation. It was unlikely caused by a single action. There was probably a lead up of many contributing factors that created the opportunity and allowed the bad scenario to happen. There were probably some other people and contributing factors that could have prevented it if things were maybe handled differently. You should think about all of these different pieces and figure out what rules can be adjusted to protect yourself and your relationship. This isn’t fun, so let’s make sure we do what we can to avoid repeating this bad experience. You want to protect yourself, your special someone, and your relationship. Don’t be afraid to do what is best for your personal situation. You will probably want to make several changes to your rules & communication to better protect yourself. Remember swinging is a bonus to our sexy lives. So don’t hesitate to put limits on that bonus to keep the good going and prevent the bad from returning.
There are some issues that might be too difficult for the two of you to resolve on your own. If you need help, consider reaching out to trained professionals. Sex and relationships are not easy to handle especially if you are surprised by an experience that damages trust in your partner. When trying to find the right professional for you, ask them about their training in human sexuality and what degrees they hold. Ask them how they define the term sex positive and their views of non-monogamy. Some people in this world including professionals are very religious and/or not open minded.
To move forward the person that caused this bad experience should take responsibility for their actions. Often the bad experiences aren’t caused 100% by a single person. Each person should take responsibility for their own shortcomings. If someone can’t admit and accept responsibility there is little hope they won’t cause a repeat of this problem. If a swinger friend made the mistake, you should consider giving them a chance to rectify the situation. If they don’t rectify the situation, then you should consider removing that person from your future swinging plans to protect you from repeating mistakes.
To help push the reset button consider treating yourself to some special TLC treatment. Maybe even some retail therapy. You can go out and get yourself a sexy new outfit to give you more confidence and help you feel more comfortable to move forward. You can also go out to a special restaurant before your head over to your next lifestyle event so you are arriving with a good mood. Feeling optimistic and happy can help you not focus on the previous bad experience and start creating fresh good experiences. If you are dealing with a serious issue, consider taking an indefinite break from the lifestyle. You can go on a mini vacation to enable you to focus on yourself and your relationship. You are the best advocate for yourself so make sure you treat yourself the best way you can.
Understand Recovery Isn’t Linear
Recovering from bad or traumatic issues is not easy or simple. It rarely follows a simple straight line. You are more likely going to have some good days & some bad days on your road back to a happy status quo. There might be some potential triggers that can set back your healing process. If you feel frustrated during this rebuilding & recovery phase try to focus your energy into a more productive avenue. Work together to build safeguards to protect yourself and spend time together strengthening your relationship so it can better handle any bumps you might encounter on your journey through the swinging lifestyle.