The thrill of the threesome is an enticing fantasy for quite a few people both in the lifestyle and in the vanilla world. While not quite as common as two-person random hookups on campus, the threesome has become less taboo in today’s society. If you are in an ethical non-monogamous relationship like swinging, you might have already had sex with other people than your significant other. Having a threesome gives you the chance to take it to the next level by not only having sex with your girlfriend/boyfriend or other partner but both at the same time! There is no wonder why this is a common fantasy, even in monogamous couples. However, you first have to figure out if you are ready for a threesome by answering a couple of questions.
What Do You Think About Threesomes?
As the study on Three’s a Crowd or Bonus?: College Students’ Threesome Experiences reported: ”Having a ‘threesome’ […] is a sexual fantasy for some, a reality for others, and debauchery for still others.” This is a fantasy for most people, according to What Exactly Is an Unusual Sexual Fantasy?. 57% of people dream of having sex with two men, and 85% dream of having sex with two women. And many of them have actually made it come true! Most reasons to have a threesome are out of curiosity, to please your partner, to explore your sexuality, or to spice up your sex life. So is this a fantasy for you? Is it on your bucket list? Or is it something you are only doing to please your partner or because pornography told you that it was exciting? The first step is figuring out if you are really into it for the right reasons.
What Do Your Friends Think About It?
The study on Three’s a Crowd or Bonus? talked about how having friends who speak about their experience with threesomes will have an impact on whether a couple will want a threesome or not. If you are part of a swinging community, there are probably many people you can talk to to figure if this kind of experiment is right for you. Some of your friends can talk about their feelings of jealousy or compersion when they see their partner with someone else. Others will discuss how they felt like a third wheel or got a lot of attention from both lovers. This will help you determine whether you can face this too. And maybe, one of your friends will also be a good partner to have a threesome with!
Will the Third Partner Be a Man or a Woman?
This time, you are not the only one who will be looking for another partner for yourself. Both you and your significant other have to agree on who you will be having sex with. And the most important question is whether the third person should be a man or a woman. A Study on What Exactly is an Unusual Sexual Fantasy? showed that 40% of women would like to have sex with two other women while only 16% of men would like to have sex with two other men. Moreover, bisexuality in women is often more accepted in swinging communities than bisexuality in men. This is why many people choose a woman as a third partner, even though choosing a man is also possible.
Who Will Your Other Partner Be?
While you might like a specific type of woman, your significant other might like another one. This is why it might be hard to find someone that you both like. As the study on Three’s a Crowd or Bonus? reported, it is more often the man than the woman who suggested a threesome. In this case, you might let the partner who is a little less into it choose who the other person will be. In this case, one will be satisfied by the threesome itself, and the other will be satisfied by who that other person is. In 97% of the cases, couples invite someone they know, like a close friend or acquaintance.
Can You Find a Unicorn?
A unicorn is a single female willing to join a swinging couple. And the reason why they are called this way is that everyone is looking for it, but they are pretty hard to find. However, this single female might actually be part of your friend group. The third member of a threesome is most often an acquaintance of both partners, and close friends are pretty popular, too. Only 3.4% of people actually had a threesome with a stranger. If you are very lucky, the unicorn might even be the one who approaches you. That’s because 41% of the time, it is the third party who suggested a threesome.
Is Your Partner Really Into It?
The study on Unusual Sexual Fantasy reported that 42% of men would be interested in swinging with a couple they know, but only 18% of women are interested in the same thing. Moreover, the study on Three’s a Crowd or Bonus? reported some sexist issues. While men who take part in threesomes are seen positively, women might be shamed for the same kind of behavior, which is called a double standard. Moreover, she has more risk of being stigmatized if she does not correspond to traditional beauty standards. Communicate with her throughout this journey to make sure she always loves it as much as you do. And the same can be said about men who might worry about having their first threesome, too!
Am I Emotionally Ready for This?
The study on Three’s a Crowd or Bonus? reported that having a threesome might involve feelings of jealousy, anxiety, embarrassment, fear, and frustration. But this can also lead you to feel more love towards your partner and experience joy after doing it for the first time. In this case, you might want to do it one step at a time without assuming that you will go all the way. See how you react when your partner kisses someone else to figure out if you are willing to let them make out more sensually or start having sexual contact, for example. Developing a feeling of compersion can also be very helpful. It is the opposite of jealousy, which means that you feel happy whenever someone makes your partner happy. And that includes being pleased as much as they are pleased by someone else.
What Will the Rules Be?
According to Three’s a Crowd or Bonus?, 81.5% of people did not discuss any rules or boundaries before having a threesome. And that can actually be a big mistake. For example, your partner might feel jealous if you spend more time or do different sexual acts with the third partner. The third partner might think it is essential to use a different condom every time a man penetrates a different person. Some people might feel that drinking alcohol or taking drugs might affect someone’s behavior or ability to consent. Make sure you talk about this before getting into the most exciting part.
Did You Like the Experience?
Even though having a threesome is not uncommon, this experience happened only once the 83% of those who had a threesome according to Three’s a Crowd or Bonus? 48% of people who had a threesome said it had no impact on their relationship, while 17% said it had a positive effect, and 20% were negatively affected. 7% of people who had a threesome even broke up because of it! Even though you lived this fantasy, that doesn’t always mean that it is worth giving it another try. Make sure you talk about it with both of your partners to solve any negative issues that might have taken place.
There are a lot of questions to ask before having a threesome. But thinking about this is the best way to make sure all of you will have an amazing experience and maybe even do it again afterward! The more people are involved, the more it might get complicated. But this is also twice as fun, which is why it is worth giving it a try if you are really into it!