Anywhere between 50 and 70% of all our communication is non-verbal. Body language is so important to us that even when texting, we cannot help using emoji’s and gifs. It provides that extra piece of information that delivers or emphasizes the meaning of what has been said.
We think of body language as more sincere and revealing than verbal means of communication, which is why we often trust it more than words.
In dating, foreplay and sex, body language is helpful not only to provide that extra piece of information but also to compensate for the absence of words. To an attentive and observant eye, body language can signal different actions and help coordinate next moves.
Body Language in Swinging
Picking up on body language cues in swinging allows you to better understand your new swinging friends. Just like any other language, it gives you a set of tools to communicate with. Body language expands the data available to help you understand other people’s behavior.
In swinging, body language can be especially useful for recognizing the signs of mutual attraction, comfort, and pleasure. It is also very useful for spotting potential shyness, dishonesty, or insecurity.
The question is, how much can we trust body language?
Remember that body language is like every other language. We know that every spoken and written word has multiple meanings. For example “seal” could refer to a cute animal or a covering to keep something secure. Most of the time people understand each other without having to check the meaning of each word that is used. Still, there are some situations in which we may refer to the same word, but mean different things.
The same happens with body language. Some body signals are unambiguous and need no specific interpretation. Others require more attention, and we need to observe them more carefully to be able to decipher what they mean.
Common Body Signals and What They Mean
We want to help you direct your attention to certain aspects of body language that can really say a lot.
There are some body signals that people can use intentionally and some that go under the radar of their consciousness. This means that some are used to convey a certain message on purpose, and some are just accidentally revealing.
Always pay attention to the context in which a signal appears, its frequency and duration and who it is directed to.
- Eye Contact
Locking eyes for more than a quick glance (two or three seconds) is usually a sign of interest and attraction. Long and steady eye contact usually comes with another non-verbal signal to convey attraction. For example, a person may smile at you gently or lean towards you. Adoring eye contact, with almost no blinking, can be interpreted as non-verbal version of “I want you”. It is usually an expression of passion and desire.
Difficulties in maintaining eye contact can reveal shyness, intimidation, or insecurity. In some occasions, a person may look away on purpose and not look back to signal they are uncomfortable with the sexual tension the other person is trying to create. It may also signal the lack of attraction.
Keeping the eye contact can express interest and attention. Maintaining a friendly gaze, as the other person is talking to you, or someone in your company, is a welcoming signal. It communicates your willingness to patiently give time and space to the person that is engaging you or others. Maintaining eye contact, even when the other person is looking away, can be an expression of confidence.
Darting glances aim to check another person’s interest. It’s a less risky way of ensuring someone is into you. A person may toss a bait to see if the other person will respond.
Because of the physiological reaction that goes under the radar of our consciousness, pupils dilate when we feel excited, scared, or aroused. This is especially easy to notice when a person’s eyes are light-colored.
- Body Posture and Physical Proximity
The amount of space a person takes in a room usually communicates their intention to dominate it. Standing tall, with shoulders back and head up, is usually an expression of confidence. Those people are likely to be perceived as taller or more muscular than they actually are.
On the other side, shrinking the body to take up less space usually indicates shyness, discomfort or lack of confidence. These people are likely to wait for someone else to approach them. Unlike the first group, they are not looking to be noticed. A person who looks to sit in the corner, on the periphery of the spotlight is usually afraid to be in it. They are more likely to feel comfortable in a more personal, one-on-one setting.
Leaning towards a person is usually an expression of interest. A person is trying to be physically closer to you. This is an invite for a continuation of interaction. On the other side, crossing arms can often be an expression of defensiveness or reservation. Putting an object between yourself and another person (such as a pillow, or a purse) can be a sign of reservation as well. It is a barrier to complete openness that may leave a person feeling vulnerable. Rocking movements are usually showing nervous swinger feelings.
It is important to notice attempts a person makes to come closer to you. The more they want to be physically closer to you, the bigger the chances they are interested in you. The physical proximity of different body parts communicates different levels of attraction.
- Hands and Touch
Along with eyes, hands take the top of the list of revealing body signs.
A warm and firm handshake, with a steady eye contact, can signal confidence and openness. Clammy or sweaty hands usually show nervousness or excitement. If a handshake is too firm or strong, a person may be trying to hard to come across as confident, or is trying to show dominance. Double clasp handhold, usually used by men, where you put your other hand over the handshake, aims to signal warmth and comfort another person can find in you. It is a version of a handshake that can say: “You are safe with me” or, “I will take a good care of you”.
Openly showing hands, having them relax on knees as a person talks to someone, usually shows that they are comfortable with how the situation is developing. Sometimes, a person may want to find more support in anchoring their hands in interlocking fingers of both hands, which helps reduce the tension, nervousness or tame the excitement. Hiding hands is usually interpreted as the sign of dishonesty. Some people find it more natural to keep one hand in their pocket during a conversation, to emphasize that the conversation carries no significant importance to them.
Nail biting or picking is usually a sign of low self-esteem or anxiety. This habit reduces the tension created by anxiety or too much excitement. It provides comfort and gives a person something to temporarily focus on. Playing with something in their hands – a cigarette, a glass, or a cellphone, may be a sign of nervousness. However, it can also be something that helps a person focus, if they otherwise have attention challenges.
Touch serves to build attraction. We consider different zones of our bodies to be more or less intimate and what a person touches communicates different levels of desire and comfort. For example, a person may gently touch your arm as they talk to you, which can be a sign of closeness and friendliness. Touching hands is, on the other side, considered to be far more intimate. A touch of a hand communicates the stronger desire for intimacy. A touch, or a grip around the waist or playing with other person’s hair is usually very sexual. How a touch is interpreted also depends on the context and the other body signals.
- Lips and Hair
Playing, twirling or flicking hair can show sexual interest. However, it can also be a sign of nervousness and excitement. It’s important to pay attention to what other body signals go with it. For example, if a person is playing with hair while they are firmly looking at you, it is more likely that they are attracted to you.
Biting lips is usually associated to dirty thoughts and is usually consciously used (mostly by women) to show interest. However, biting or soothing lips can also be a sign of nervousness and the behavior, just as nail biting, provides comfort.
- Cheeks and Smiles
We associate blushing with embarrassment. However, it can also be a sign of tension and nervousness, as the blood runs to the cheeks. When a person is touching their own cheeks, it is usually out of the need to comfort themselves (usually because they feel tense).
A smile is always the most enigmatic part. When a smile is authentic, it usually involves eyes. Notice how your smile is different if you have been laughing a second ago, and if you’ve just put up a fake one. To really understand how a person uses their smile, it is important to observe their interaction with others. Notice how frequently they smile at others, and when they do, notice how often they show teeth. Notice how wide their smile is and what other body signals go with the smile.
Remember that it is not a single body sign that is revealing, it is the combination of them.
The meaning of a word is best understood in the context of a sentence. As you are trying to interpret body signs, it is important you also look for the consistency and the alignment between the body signals.
Remember that it not only about what you see, but also about what you are missing. The absence of a certain body signal can be as indicative of a person intention as the presence of it, just as the silence can communicate more than words.
At the same time, observe your own body signals. You may want to talk with people around you about how your body language looks like when you are excited, sad, nervous, aroused. Their input can help you learn about the behaviors you need to pay more attention to as you communicate with others.
Just as any other language, this one keeps evolving. The more you practice using it, the more fluent you will be.