Swingers are normal, everyday people like you. They live in your town. You walk past them every day. The only thing that makes a swinger a swinger is a desire to have consensual, sexy fun with other sexy people!
Swingers are part of the “lifestyle”. The lifestyle is a generic term that includes many groups of different sexy flavors, including swingers, voyeurs, and fetish fans. Even monogamous people who enjoy spending time in a sexy, open-minded setting can be part of the lifestyle. It’s safe to assume that all swingers are part of the lifestyle, but not all people in the lifestyle may want a non-monogamous relationship.
A study in 2014 found about 5% of adults in relationships were in a consensual, non-monogamous relationship. The 1970s Kinsey research found about 4% of adults admitted to swinging. Of course, any scientific data about swingers or sex should be taken with a grain of salt or a whole bag of salt. Research about sex and swinging can have accuracy issues due to social stigma & fear. That being said, it’s nice to know that about 5% of couples were brave enough to admit to being part of the swinging lifestyle!
You might want to know how to “spot a swinger”. What does a swinger look like? Imagine your local supermarket on an average day. That is what you will find in the lifestyle. Some people will be young, from the 20’s to their 30’s but not a large percentage. Younger people tend to still be single and are busy dating other single people so there aren’t as many young swingers. More commonly, you will find couples in their late 30’s or older. These people are usually done raising their children, or have teenagers that don’t need a babysitter while mom & dad go out and have sexy fun.
Looking beyond age groups, you’ll find skinny swingers and overweight swingers and plenty of swingers in between. You’ll find swingers of all races and ethnicities, coming from all over the world. Swingers are nurses, cops, lawyers, plumbers, teachers, office workers, and everything else. Many have college degrees and earn a comfortable enough income that they have some extra money to enjoy a sexy time.
The thing most people in the lifestyle have in common is their relationship status. Only a small portion of swingers are single. The majority are couples. Those couples might have been dating for a few months or married for years, but most swingers are in committed relationships.
This doesn’t mean that there aren’t single people in the lifestyle. There are a good amount of single people but they are just outnumbered by the couples in the lifestyle.
Single women in the lifestyle are known as “unicorns”, because they can be hard to find like the mythical equine and tend to be in high demand from many couples. Single men in the lifestyle are known as … actually they don’t have a special nickname because they are a bit underappreciated. The single men in the lifestyle tend to be very respectful and fun guys. In our Swingles article we cover more tips for singles and couples interested in swinging with them. For now let’s get back to who swings.
Yes, there are already swingers in your town.
You probably never realized it but there are swingers in your town. There’s no special tattoo or secret pin that distinguishes a swinger from vanilla people so it is easy to live a discreet life and still enjoy a sexy swinging life. All you need to join the lifestyle is a sex-positive attitude, respect for others, and the desire to have a good time!
Remember, that being a swinger is about having a fun. Weird as it sounds, there is no expectation of sex in the swinging lifestyle. We aren’t nymphomaniacs. Swingers have sex only when they want to have sex and only with people they want to have sex with. Yes, there is a lot of sex going on, but only when everyone involved has agreed to it wholeheartedly. If a swinger doesn’t feel like having sex, they don’t. It is just that simple. You can attend a party and have fun without getting physical at all. It is very common to attend a swinger event and keep your sexy clothes on the entire time you are having a fun time.
Swingers do need to respect other swingers and honor their personal boundaries. If you don’t like how someone looks or acts, you can always politely decline to play and swingers will respect that. Swingers will keep their hands to themselves. They ask before doing anything and everyone knows that NO means NO. It is a no-pressure event amongst respectful people.
It’s important that you don’t enter the lifestyle thinking that it’s going to be a sexy free-for-all. If you think it was hard to hook-up with someone when you were single, you’ll probably find that it’s harder when you’re swinging as a couple. Instead of making a connection with a single person, you are now building a four-way connection between you, your partner and the other couple.
Of course, there are the occasional bad apples. Nothing in life is perfect, including the lifestyle. Overall, respect and honoring personal boundaries is very important to the swinging community and swingers will stand up for each other. Swingers want to maintain a sexy, fun, non-threatening atmosphere, and will try to make sure everyone is comfortable – newbies included!
By now, you might be wondering if you could fit in at a swinger event. As long as you’re not rude or disrespectful, the answer is probably yes! The lifestyle accepts adults of all shapes, ages, and experience levels. Just have an open mind, find consent and communication sexy, and you can fit right in with the lifestyle.
If you’re worried about not fitting in due to your weight, know that many people entering the lifestyle find themselves motivated to improve their appearance. The promise of sexy times and encouraging compliments from new friends is super inspiration to get into the best shape of your life! You’ll find that even more than looking good, getting in shape will help you feel good, and give you the stamina and strength to enjoy long, intense play sessions. As unbelievable as it sounds, play sessions can last for hours and be action-packed, if the chemistry is right.
This is not an exaggeration; many couples find that they must fit their sexy time into a few minutes when they’re at home, but the lifestyle lets them set aside extended periods of time to focus on enjoying sex! With no distractions and no time constraints, couples can let go of their stresses and forget about going to the post office before it closes or getting to the grocery store in time to make dinner. There’s no pressure to climax quickly so you can get on with your day. Swinging events allow you to relax and enjoy your body and your partner’s body, with some new bodies thrown in for fun.
Rest assured that you can be a welcome addition to a swinger event if you’re respectful of those around you. You are more than good looking enough. End of story. Seriously. The lifestyle is a very inclusive community for all kinds of people, all of whom have their own special look.
We all have personal preferences when it comes to what we find attractive. Think of your body as a gem: some people prefer rubies or sapphires or diamonds or opals. But you know what? All of those stones are freaking gorgeous!