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You are here: Home / Lifestyle Tips / Oral Sex Etiquette for Swingers

Oral Sex Etiquette for Swingers

We all enjoy some oral sex, but if you want to have repeat sessions of this fun treat, it would be good to follow some basic etiquette rules.  You & your regular partner probably have a good understanding and don’t need to think about these issues.  But when you start swinging with new people, there won’t be that understanding.  To keep everyone happy & protect your reputation as a good swinging partner, we will spell out many aspects to handle for hot, happy & consensual oral sex.

Communicate With Your Partner

It doesn’t matter if you are soft swap, full swap, or whatever.  Make sure to ask your swinging partner what is allowed and preferred.  Don’t assume anything.  Some people prefer to be on top, and others prefer the bottom or laying on their side when giving oral attention.  Some people like a very soft approach & others enjoy being more vigorous.  ASK!  Don’t assume anything.  Roughly yanking someone’s hair who wanted a gentle encounter is a great way to ruin the fun.

Gently Ease In

Hopefully, you already asked and know what they like & where you can finish.  Still, it would help if you always started slow & ease into it.  It is easier to turn up the volume and go harder than it is to dial back.  If you go too hard, too soon, you can risk making it not feel good and having the entire playdate stop.  Not everyone’s definition of hard, rough, fast, or deep is the same.  Ease into it and use their feedback to adjust accordingly.  When in doubt, ask.  Don’t roughly pull hair or ears.  Even if they ask for it, gradually ease into it.

Landscaping

Everyone has different preferences when it comes to grooming and the swinging lifestyle.  Start with the basics – be freshly showered.  Then focus on your hair down there.  You don’t need to go bald, but at least tidy things up.  Coughing up hairballs is what cats do, not swingers.

Diet Changes Flavor

Yes, your diet can impact your flow’s flavor, so take some wise precautions.  Increase your fruit intake 2-3 days before a date for a sweeter taste (pineapple really works wonders).  Skip asparagus the day of fun to avoid junkyard smells.  Try to decrease coffee, cigarettes, and red meat, which can cause slightly bitter flavors.

Dessert Buffet

If you bring in some sweet stuff like chocolate sauce, whip cream, sucking candies, or whatever to make the oral session into a sweet dessert, be careful to keep everything on the outside.  Sugar and other stuff can screw up the internal balance and boost the chance of an infection.  Play it safe and keep it on the outside.

Scrub Up

This one should go without saying, but we’ve heard too many horror stories to leave out.  If you are going to have fun with a lady, wash your hands before the fun.  Oral attention often involves some fingers, and dirty fingers can lead to UTIs.  Never play with the brown side before playing with the pink side.  That greatly increases the chance of a UTI.  If you give a lady a UTI, she is not going to be happy with you.  Be savvy & use good hygiene. If you are going to have fun with a guy and eat something spicy – make sure you wash up.  A little spice residue can burn extra hot on the sensitive skin down below.

Squirting Surprise

If you have a history of squirting, Ladies, make sure to share this information and grab a towel.  Avoiding surprises and being prepared for possible wet spots is just polite.

Sexy Eyes

Many people enjoy making occasional sexy eye contact during oral fun.  Keeping an eye on the situation helps both of you communicate and give feedback.  Make sure to use all of your senses for better interaction.

Ask For Help

Don’t be afraid to ask for a roadmap to deliver them to nirvana. We are all different and like different things.  Pay attention to their body’s reaction for clues, and when in doubt, ask if they like it this way or offer them an alternative method.  Communication is always key.

Safer Sex

Many swingers don’t use condoms during oral fun because the STI risk tends to be lower via oral transmission.  Lower risk does not mean risk-free.  To better protect yourself, you can use non-lubricated flavored condoms for oral fun.  The non-lubricated aspect is important because lubed condoms don’t taste good, and the mouth doesn’t usually need any extra lubrication.  If you are looking to give a lady some oral attention, you can use a dental dam or slice a flavored condom down the side to open it up into a sheet.  Also, pack your breath mints & gum, but don’t brush your teeth immediately before oral fun.  Vigorously brushing your teeth can temporarily inflame your gums, making it easier for bad stuff to enter your system – so stick with breath mints.

Don’t Complain

If something isn’t going right, stand up for yourself and change it in a positive manner.  Help your partner pleasure you by giving specific directions in a super sexy voice. If they can’t follow instructions to your satisfaction, suggest an alternative activity to get away from what isn’t working.  Instead of complaining about bad oral skills, say you would prefer to switch to something else.  If you don’t enjoy the person, say you are craving being with your own partner.  This keeps the potential of hurt feelings and drama to a minimum while still protecting you & your preferences.

Missed Explosions

Sometimes, oral fun doesn’t lead to an explosive finish.  It does not mean either of you are lacking.  Everyone is different, and every situation is different.  Some people want to save the explosive finish for other types of fun.  Some ED pills make men harder but also make it harder to orgasm.  Some people have a hard time reaching their explosion through oral alone.  Relax.  Think of it as drinking cocktails at a bar.  You can have fun drinking without getting blackout drunk, right?  The same is true about oral.  People can truly enjoy the oral attention without an explosive finish.

Advance Notice

If you are approaching orgasm, make sure to give your partner a warning.  Guys – it is even better if you ask again where they want you to finish to avoid firing off on or in the wrong body part. Do not assume coming in her mouth is ok.

Fairness, not Equality

Sex tends to be more fun when we don’t focus on the scorecards.  Don’t worry about the number of completions or how they happen.  Focus more on did everyone had a fun time.  You don’t need to have the same & equal score. You do need to have a fair & happy situation.

Try your best to treat your swinging partners the way you want to be treated.  When you are actually in the moment, go with the flow and don’t overthink it.  Life rarely goes according to plan, so don’t be surprised if there is a hiccup during play.  Be friendly and polite if something happens, and remember that being polite does not mean being passive.  Usually, the mistakes are barely noticed, and everything is OK to continue.  If something isn’t alright, don’t be afraid to stop and check in with everyone.  Showing compassion & caring about others is a very sexy thing 🙂

Last Updated: January 30, 2024
Written By:Dr. Georgia
Tagged With: Etiquette

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Welcome to Swingers Help! We’re Dr. Georgia & Will Fuchs, a married couple who have been enjoying our swinging time through the consensual non-monogamy community. Our experience hasn’t been perfect or drama-free but we don’t regret at all making the decision to start swinging. To share our swinging enjoyment, we authored the top ranked Swingers’ Little Helper book and provide free videos, articles, games, & relationship exercises on this site.  Join us as we share our insights on the swinging lifestyle.

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