Opening up your relationship to swinging can expose you to some relationship landmines if you aren’t careful. To better protect you & your most important relationship, let’s cover some common mistakes. You do want to be the best swinging partner you can be, right? You love your better half, and you want them to have the best time of their life. To help you get started on the right foot, be careful to avoid these mistakes. It will make everyone think you are lifestyle veterans regardless of how fresh you might be in the lifestyle.
Not checking first with your partner
When you attend lifestyle events, you will likely stay together almost the entire time. There will be brief periods of separation when one of you might go to the restroom or grab some drinks, but usually couples stick together and socialize with others as one unit. Being “one unit” is an important concept. You need to remember that you probably shouldn’t act without first checking in with your partner. You are probably already good at reading your partner’s body language, and with more time in the lifestyle you will likely get so good it will feel like you have a telepathic connection.
Still, you shouldn’t make assumptions, especially if you are new to the lifestyle. It is very common for couples to excuse themselves to privately check in with each other. You don’t want to accidentally start a conversation with people that your partner may not like. Worse, you don’t want to say yes to an invitation for sexy play with someone your partner has no interest in. There’s no such thing as checking in too much. Checking in is a safe way to make sure you are both ok. It’s also a good way to remember that you’re sharing this exciting (albeit temporary experience) together because you love each other.
Ignoring one partner
Ok, let’s imagine your partner gave the green light, and you start talking with another couple together. Wow, this is exciting! Enjoy the sexual tension of flirting between couples as you discover if there is a four-way connection. Remember, it is a FOUR-way connection. Before you start flirting, make sure to establish a level of respect for the other spouse. Guys, make sure to be friendly and respectful with the husband before drooling over his wife’s sexy body. Ladies, be cool and make a friend with the other wife before you start clawing her husband’s chest. All four people in a couple swap need to give the green light, so be smart and connect with the other spouse before jumping into the super sexy flirting.
Trusting and sharing pictures too easily
You are a good-looking couple, and even if you were ugly there would still be a bunch of lonely losers trying to get sexy pictures from you. Think with the brain above your shoulders and not the one below your waist. Real swingers understand discretion and will not be too pushy for pictures or private info.
It is usually best to follow the “need to know” principle. If someone online does not absolutely need to know something, don’t share it. You can just sleep on it and share something tomorrow, but you can’t put the genie back in the bottle if you give out sexy pictures or private information too soon. Many swingers tend to prefer minimal online sharing so they can maximize real-life sharing. There usually is some level of sharing pre-meeting to make sure there is a likely four-way connection but when someone wants all your private info and pictures without first meeting in person, you should be on guard.
Assuming swingers will chase after you
We know you are a good-looking couple, but so are most swingers. You shouldn’t expect the entire swinging community to come chasing after you. When you first post an online swinger profile, or attend a club for the first time, there can be a rush of interest from regulars who like shiny new toys, but that rush doesn’t always last. If you want to make sexy connections in the lifestyle, you should be proactive.
Make sure you have a good profile with plenty of information. Then, proactively reach out to other people. There are too many shy wallflowers in the lifestyle, and unfortunately being a shy swinging wallflower will reduce the chances of you having sexy play time. If you want to make new sex-positive friends and have a chance at engaging in some hot play time, then you should take the first step and engage other swingers. Say hello. Introduce yourself. Compliment them. You will have much more fun practicing those three simple steps than waiting for people to come to you.
Taking One for the Team
No matter what your partner feels, you probably should never take one for team. If you don’t feel comfortable or don’t want to do something, don’t do it. If the situation is reversed, don’t let your partner take one for the team. It’s not worth it. When someone takes one for the team, they can end up having a terrible experience that leads to fighting, drama and resentment towards the lifestyle or each other.
It’s much smarter to stay within your shared boundaries, where you are both comfortable and happy. The risk is usually too high and the reward is usually too low when someone takes one for the team. Be smart and don’t do it. Don’t worry, there are plenty more opportunities for sexy fun in the future. There is no reason for either of you to suffer so the other can have fun.
Pushing past your comfort zone
Ladies and gentlemen, you need to be honest with yourself and your partner about your comfort zone. Keeping yourselves and your relationship safe is a team effort. No one should be pushed out of their comfort zone. There is plenty of time to take it slowly and let the comfort zone naturally grow over time.
There is no reason to push someone out of the comfort zone or to let them overreach. Going too far or too fast is a recipe for trouble. It doesn’t matter how much time, money or effort you might have invested. Remember how much you love each other and want to protect each other. It is worth it in the long term to go slow and let that comfort zone expand organically, in a safe and trustworthy atmosphere.
You and your partner are a team. You don’t want anything to cause a crack in your amazing team dynamic. Keeping a secret from your partner is a quick way to do just that. Yes, you might be having sex with other people, but you are still emotionally loyal and trustworthy to your own partner. Secrets sow doubt in that loyalty and trust. This is why swingers love communication. Each time you communicate, you grow that bond and better connect with your amazing partner. Make sure you focus your efforts in strengthening your opening relationship and avoid secrets that can cause a rift between you.
Blindly Following Advice
Use your brain and do not blindly follow advice. Yes, even our advice. Each relationship varies. What works for someone might not work for you. It might even work for your partner but not for you, because we are all different. Keep an open mind and take the time to reflect on any information or advice someone gives you within the lifestyle. Following your own path and reflecting on advice so you can apply it in a way that works best for your own personal situation is a smarter idea.
The swinging world is a big place with many different people. If you travel around you will find that it can change significantly from region to region. The American swingers’ community is a bit different from the European scene. Even within the USA, you will likely find different ways to engage the swinging lifestyle depending if you are visiting the West Coast, Midwest or East Coast.
Be smart, don’t hesitate to ask for advice, and then apply the advice in a way that makes sense for your personal situation.