We are always surprised when people tell us their lifestyle horror stories and end with something like, “I’m sure you guys never do dumb stuff like that.” Sure, we have tons of lifestyle experience and spend a lot of time researching and giving out swinging advice. But, of course, we still screw up. Royally sometimes. So, to keep things real, we decided to share some of our less triumphant moments. We hope these cautionary tales of our failures & stumbles on our personal lifestyle journey save others some future missteps.
This is the time Will ran away from using his words.
What Went Wrong This Time?
We were at a swinger party. It was fun & the crowd was great. We were chatting with a bunch of different people & making so many new friends. To be clear, we are talking about simple friendship, not naughty fun. Our introverted selves were really overachieving here. It was an ideal no-pressure situation.
So Dr. G headed off to make a costume adjustment. It was an epic sparkly number that I had used some engineering magic on for an extra wow factor. But that’s not where I screwed up this time. So I was by myself on the couch, and a lovely couple sat down next to me. They seemed a bit nervous, so I went out of my way to make small talk & was generous with my compliments. Maybe too generous?
I was just trying to be friendly & helpful. Looking back now, they most likely took this as me being sexually interested. They were a lovely couple, but not our type. I wasn’t feeling a sexy connection to the woman, and I knew for sure that the guy was way too intense for Georgia’s liking. But I still wanted to be friendly, so I continued to talk with them.
The woman appreciated my compliments and leaned in closer on the couch, occasionally peppering our conversation with a light touch. Now is probably a good time to mention that I’d had a few glasses of whiskey well before this couple showed up. I wasn’t drunk, but I wasn’t ready to defuse a ticking bomb. I didn’t even realize the woman’s hand had moved from a playful touch on my arm to rest on my thigh till she gave me a good squeeze.
That grabbed my attention. I suddenly realized I was in a very different kind of conversation than intended. I panicked. Instead of using my words & clearly communicating like Dr. G taught me, I said I was going to get a new drink. I then went looking for my better half. Being the supportive partner she always is, Georgia laughed at me for getting so flustered over a little flirting. We headed to a back room to talk. Georgia led; I followed like a shy puppy on her high heels.
“Just say you aren’t interested,” she offered.
“She is really nice, and I don’t want to hurt her by rejecting her,” I replied.
As Dr. G continued to try to coach me into behaving like an adult, we spotted the other woman scanning the dance floor. “She is probably looking for you,” she teased, “No, she isn’t,” I said with more hope than conviction.
Right before she entered the backroom, I dragged Georgia out the back door to the smoking patio and then walked around the building to re-enter through the front door. This hike gave Dr. G plenty of time to laugh over the irony of me disregarding so much of his own swinger advice because I didn’t want to be an adult and use my words.
I spent the rest of the night looking over my shoulder and avoiding that perfectly nice but not-a-match-for-us couple. Not a proud moment & that couple deserves an apology for my immature ghosting.
How To Be Better?
There are so many little things that contributed to this mess. The good news is that even an old dog (or Will) can learn new tricks. The biggest one is to understand & remember that rejecting a swinger isn’t a bad thing. You are helping them by not wasting their time or misleading them.
Also, recognize when your emotions are veering us off course. Feeling nervous or worried can stop us from doing the right thing in the moment. If you ever start to feel overwhelmed (like having to bail out a backdoor to avoid someone), find somewhere quiet to recollect yourself.
Another thing to remember is to minimize the alcohol. Yes, meeting new people can be nerve-wracking. Alcohol can be a social lubricant, but it can also dull your wits. Having sharp wits will help you deal with small things before they grow into a sticky situation, like someone being too handsy without asking for consent. Moderating your alcohol also keeps perspective so you don’t turn a slightly awkward moment into a crisis situation.
PS – When attending a party or picking a swinger club, try to avoid pebble landscaping and gravel parking lots (though it seems like all clubs are surrounded by gravel) because it can totally wreck your heels as you run around the building with your immature husband.