Congratulations on being interested in trying out the swinging lifestyle! For many couples it provides a great way to have fun, make new friends, and even grow stronger in your own relationship. That does not mean this swinging option is for all couples. For a more detailed introduction and explanation of how to best navigate the swinging lifestyle you should read our 310 page book Swinger’s Little Helper. You can order it on Amazon or download a free ebook version on our site. Since many sexy people don’t have the patience to read the book here is a condensed welcome kit.
- You have discussed this & both voluntarily agree to try swinging.
- You know swinging is generally a team event, done together as a couple with couples.
- Swinging doesn’t save troubled relationships, it’s just a bonus to solid relationships.
- You both enjoy sex and know this won’t fix imbalances in relationship libido.
- Single ladies are called unicorns for a reason. Threesomes aren’t the easiest option.
- You know we’re all human & make mistakes. Be patient & understanding with each other.
- Sex is never 100% safe so use protection and educate yourself.
This is high stakes. None of us want to screw up our great relationships so it is a smart idea to become more informed. Unfortunately it is not easy to find swinging information in the vanilla (aka non-swinging) world. You can check out books like Ethical Slut or Swingers’ Little Helper. Another great lifestyle resource are swinger audio podcasts like We Gotta Thing, Curious Couple and many more swinger podcasts . You can download these audio files and listen to them in your car, at home while cooking dinner together, or on a plane ride with an audio splitter.
Your Swinging Situation
Next you want to figure out your swinging situation. You should both talk about your rules & boundaries. Do you want to be a soft swap couple (oral & touching, but no penetration) or a full swap couple (full sex)? Do you both need to in the same room to play with others or are you you open to separate room play? Are you open to playing with local people are are you only going to play with people in a far away location? What about communicating? Is one of you going to handle it or must all communication (text/emails/calls) be done by the group?
- Only go as fast as the slowest person.
- Check in & communicate often.
- Remember your top priority is your own relationship.
- Rushing tends to produce regrets.
- Go easy on the alcohol and make smarter choices.
- The sexiest person is your own partner, remind them often 🙂
How to find swingers?
Once you know your situation, you can start looking to connect with other swingers. Swingers are everywhere even in rural, conservative, religious areas … though they might not that obvious to spot. To find swingers you can check out the popular swinging community website for your region. Most allow you to join for free so you can figure out which is the most popular for your region. Then you should sign up for a paid account. Yes, it is worth it. Meeting swingers at real life events can be more stressful but in real life people tend to be much more friendly. Here are local swinger clubs If you don’t have a local swinger club, no worries there are still swinger house & hotel parties. To find them go to your swinging site and look at the calendar of nearby events. You can also try out a swinger travel spot for your next vacation.
What to expect?
- Swinging isn’t easy because we aren’t nymphomaniacs. You need to connect with another connection and both couples need to be approve. 4-way connections are harder than you think.
- Swingers are flaky. People get nervous, last minute family things pop-up and many other reasons. Don’t be surprised if your swinging plans with a new couple are cancelled at the last minute.
- Most new men have trouble performing when they start because its very stressful. Most men get a ED prescription from their doctor or use a discreet online service like To save money many swingers use an online service like Hims where generic ED pills cost about $3 to overcome that mental hurdle.
- Fakers & pic collectors are out there. Keep your guard up till you meet in real life.
- Swingers look like the people in a supermarket. Some are better looking than you & some are not in shape.
- No means No! Consent & asking is very important in the lifestyle.
- Here are real life swinger stories from new swingers like you.
Seriously, there is a ton of information that you should check out before swinging to give you the best odds for a happy first time. You want to be smart so you can both enjoy a long & happy time swinging together.