Navigating Your Swinger Party Guest List

When you know what type of sex party you want, you will need to think about who you will invite! It can be a massive challenge figuring out the right guest mix and avoiding drama. Don’t worry. We are here to walk you through choosing the right guests & what to share with them.

Choosing Your Guest List

Let’s figure out how large a group you may want. Ask yourself, what is your comfort level, especially regarding sexual health? If you are worried about germs or STIs, it would be safer to keep the numbers down and limit the party to the people you can trust & personally know.

STI Considerations – STIs aren’t sexy to talk about, but they are a concern when planning a sex party. You can require a recent STI test, but that isn’t foolproof. Some infections don’t immediately trigger a positive test result & not all test panels check for all STIs. Thankfully, STI risk is a relatively small number.

If you are worried about germs, stick with a free party among only your close friends. This way, if anyone isn’t feeling well or is worried they might have been exposed to harmful germs, they can easily cancel and avoid the risk of spreading those germs to anyone else.

Maximum Party Size – The next step is to figure out how many people can comfortably fit in your house. Think of the socializing areas (e.g., living room, kitchen, dining room, outdoor patio) separately from your sex play areas (e.g., bedrooms, basement, living room). You want people to socialize without feeling the need to play, so you should have designated social areas where playing is off-limits. Plus, no one likes to visit a buffet line within splatter distance of bodily fluids, so keep the play & social areas apart.

As for the play areas, you want plenty of space. You can never have enough beds. Air mattresses are OK, but a hidden Murphy bed is even better and keeps your area versatile when you aren’t hosting swinger parties. You don’t need a separate mattress for every couple you invite. It is common for a bed to be used by many different people throughout the party.

Also, think about logistics.

How many parking spaces are available without making enemies with neighbors. Do you have a spare room that can handle all of the coats (especially if people are wearing bulky winter coats) or their bag of sex supplies & toys?

OK, back to our socializing areas.

Party Flow Limits – People aren’t going to run off to the play areas immediately, so you likely will need a socializing space that is big enough to accommodate all the invitees. You don’t necessarily need enough seating for everyone in the socializing areas, as house parties tend to be more of a mingling stand-up cocktail party.

Another consideration is how many couples vs. singles will attend. This is less about your available space & more about the dynamics at your party. Having only couples keeps everything balanced & straightforward. Single people can create an unbalanced situation that might leave someone without a partner.

Single women, aka unicorns, might be a fantasy sought by many couples. Still, the men might not be able to keep all ladies satisfied as ladies have an easier time rebounding for extra rounds. Some sex toys could help with that.

Inviting some single men can help to ensure there is enough stamina to satisfy all the ladies. It also matters if single people are bisexual or not.

If they are bisexual, it is easier to ensure everyone can play and no one is left on the sidelines.

The larger the party, the less you have to worry about the numbers matching up just right. If you have 50 couples, an extra person or two won’t be noticeable.

If you have a small party, you will want to ensure everyone will connect nicely. One bad connection in a small party can stop the fun for everyone. For small parties, you want to make sure the personalities, play styles, & attractions are all compatible to avoid drama.

Different Methods Of Picking Guests

There are two common approaches to picking the right group of guests.

Option A – Pick people that share the same vanilla demographics like similar ages, jobs, neighborhoods. Having similar incomes also helps because you generally have the same amount of disposable income, which leads to common hobbies & travel experiences. There will be shared experiences to connect over when chatting.

Option B – Pick people that share the same lifestyle demographics. Forget the friendly chit-chat & focus on compatibility in the bedroom. Do the people have the same play styles? Are they all bisexual? Do they have the same position on condoms? If you pick less common play preferences, you may need to expand your invites.

Once you know how many people you want at your party & which type of people to target, you might be wondering where to find good connections. Hopefully, you already know more than enough swinger friends, but you have a few options if you don’t already know plenty of people.

You can post an event on your local swinger site. You will want to vet these people to ensure they are legit & will be a good fit for the party vibe you are trying to foster. Think twice before inviting rookies who have never tried non-monogamy, as none of us can predict how they will respond when clothes drop & things get real.

You can also ask your close swinger friends for suggestions. This can be tricky because their idea of a good connection might not match yours. They might think it is acceptable that their friend uses cocaine at parties, and you might feel differently. Ideally, you will be able to find time to privately meet the swingers before you invite them to your house party, even if a mutual friend vouches for them.

Screening Guests & Red Flags

Make sure to chat with all of your guests before the party, preferably a few times. You want to do this to screen out the bad apples and start building sexy connections. The more you interact with them, the more it will feel like they are visiting a good friend’s house, encouraging them to behave better & also jump-start the flirting at the party.

Age Differences – Having swingers of different ages isn’t an automatic deal-breaker, but you want to be careful. You want to make sure guests will be able to connect & chat with your other guests. A 55-year-old swinger might not have that much in common to discuss with a 24-year-old swinger.

Gossip – When chatting with swingers, see if they drop any details of other swingers. You don’t want to invite anyone that might share your home address with others or spread gossip about you. You want swingers that will protect the privacy of you & your other guests. If they are gossiping about other swingers this week, there is a good chance they will be talking about you next week so steer clear.

Kink Disconnect – Some kinks don’t mix well with others. Suppose a couple is looking for a cuckolding or BDSM session; they might not be a good match for the casual swinging party. Make sure everyone matches the party vibe you are planning especially if it is a smaller group.

Fake Couples – If you haven’t met a couple and can’t meet them in person, then you might want to take a few extra steps to ensure they are a real couple and both know it is a swinger party. You can do a quick phone call to voice verify with both of them. You can also ask them to take a picture together, holding a sign “swinger party invite” to ensure they are real and not someone using stolen photos of a random couple.

If something doesn’t seem right, skip them. Don’t risk it. To make it less awkward, you can claim too many people have RSVP’d, so you ran out of room. This is your party. You don’t need to risk inviting anyone you think might be trouble.

Sloppiness – You are inviting people into your home. You don’t want people that will trash it or someone that will get so drunk they puke on your floor. Pay attention to how people behave in the swinger club. Are they respecting the club rules, or are they sloppy & lacking consideration of others?

Drama – Let’s be honest, as much as we wish the lifestyle were 100% drama-free, it isn’t. Some couples don’t get along with others and can hold grudges. Perhaps they were hurt from being declined to swap, or someone broke a rule in a play session. It doesn’t matter. You don’t want that drama. Be careful to avoid inviting couples that don’t get along with each other. You can invite feuding people to alternating parties and avoid headaches.

Racism & Bias – Even in today’s society, this is still an issue. Be cognizant of who you are inviting. You may have never experienced a problem with them because you are the same skin color. However, some people post strong positions about who they will or won’t play with on their profiles.

What to Communicate with Guests

When you invite swingers, it is best to move the conversation outside of the swinger site quickly. The swinger sites are rarely the best for managing group communications. Worse, you don’t want to risk the swinger site going offline for maintenance while you need to send out a critical party update.

Feel free to request their personal information (name, cell phone, etc.) for easier communication & screening. You are opening up your home to them, so it is understandable to want to know who they are.

After you invite guests, it can be helpful to arrange a group communication. It can be a group chat via KIK, Telegram, Discord, etc. Be careful not to reveal anyone’s private contact info (full name, phone number, or email) unless they explicitly give their OK. A group chat lets people connect beforehand & jump-start the flirting, increasing the chance of a hot sexy time at your party. This makes people more invested in the party & less likely to no show.

When you invite them, let them know all the basics. This includes when the party is (start & finish time). Also, where the party will be (you can initially share only the town and send the street address the day of the party to avoid unexpected guests who didn’t RSVP). Tell them who else will be attending the party (you can share screennames before the party so they can flirt beforehand). Plus, what guests can they bring (are you asking for help with food, is alcohol BYOB, etc.). If you have a particular theme or activity planned, make sure to mention it.

You might want to mention specific parking instructions so no one upsets the neighbors and avoids parking tickets. Will you also have any distinctive signage or signal on the outside of the party?

House numbers can be small and hard to see, but a big sports flag or another unique item can help them find the right house. Do you want them entering via the front door or another entry point?

Do you have any house rules?

Like keeping windows closed to avoid noise complaints or no talking while smoking in the back to prevent neighbors overhearing things, they shouldn’t? We’ll chat about rules in another article.

Wicked Guide to Hosting Sex Parties

We hope you enjoyed reading this hosting guide! Remember, there is no single right way to host a great sex party. Be smart and adapt these things to fit your party & preferences best.

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