We received an email from a swinger couple asking for help dealing with post-mastectomy feelings. It struck us as something really relatable that doesn’t get discussed enough. In addition to having more than one breast cancer scare ourselves, we’ve watched family and friends try to create a new normal after diagnosis and treatment. We don’t pretend to have all the answers, but we think this is an important topic to address.
Just Remember…
Before we dive into post-mastectomy swinger options, we need to remember that not all of these options are good options for everyone. You should only go as fast as the slowest pineapple. That means playing within the lines of the smallest comfort zone. Be a great partner and never pressure anyone to do something they don’t want.
There is a good chance this change may mean closing the chapter on your swinger fun. That’s OK, because you can start a new chapter in your relationship with the most sexy person in the world – your own partner. Okay, let’s explore the options so you can decide what is best for your situation.
Hit The Gym
Big boobs got in the way. They made exercising oh so frustrating and painful. Now, with your post-mastectomy resize, it can be fun again to exercise. Exercising together is a fun way to boost your cardio levels (so you will last longer in bed) and improve your mood (which can indirectly help the sex drive). In the worst case, you are having fun together, which is a pretty awesome worst-case scenario.
Add Toys For Swinger Stand-Ins
You can reinvent your swinging fun by bringing in sex toys instead of bringing in real people. Treating post-mastectomy scars and letting the skin fully heal can take many months, if not years. It is very natural for it to take a long time to feel comfortable being naked in front of others. Plus, you don’t want to risk them being too rough on your healing skin. So, bust out the robo-cock option. There are high-end pleasure machines that can be your robo-swinger stand-in. They do cost a good amount, but are oh so powerful! They literally can shake concrete floors.
Lingerie Therapy
Spoil yourself with some lingerie retail therapy. Go pick out sexy corsets or lingerie pieces that make you feel sexy and confident. If you had a drastic breast reduction, look at the bright side and consider all of the lingerie styles that didn’t feel right before but can now work for your perfectly resized body. You can absolutely keep this lingerie on during swinger play. Think of it as your sexy body armor. If you plan to keep the lingerie in place during play, remember to mention that to your swinger friends so they don’t accidentally move it.
Strip Clubs
If you don’t want to play with others anymore but still want some extra sexy fun, go visit a strip club together. Enjoy the impressive pole shows and sexy atmosphere. After you have teased yourselves enough, go home and enjoy each other.
Web Cam Shows
Many websites are offering live webcam shows. You can find a single performer or a hot couple and watch them. If you tip the performer(s) you can make special requests or switch to a private feed. It is basically your own custom porn video that will do & say whatever will like. You can follow along from the comfort of your own bed instead of having to go to a strip club.
Gloryhole Fun
If you aren’t feeling comfortable with other people seeing your post-mastectomy body, consider a creative workaround. A gloryhole is when you have a wall or door between you & them. A strategically placed hole (or holes) in the barrier allows them to slip their lollipop or whatever body part you desire through the hole for you to touch, or lick, or enjoy however you like. You can buy a gloryhole kit (search Google) or make your own DIY gloryhole by hanging up a curtain in a doorway and cutting out a hole. If you still want a foursome arrangement, you can add extra holes. This way, you can enjoy your partner on your side of the barrier & both of you can interact with the other couple through the holes.
So Many Fetishes
The swinger lifestyle can be awesome, but there are so many other sexy opportunities to explore without re-starting the swinger lifestyle. You can try different roleplay scenarios. If you aren’t good at thinking up a roleplay scenario, go to Literotica.com and find a sexy story to imitate. There is also the BDSM scene to explore. You can be a dom, or sub, or switch. Let’s not forget about e-stim play. Adding electricity to your naughty bits can open up a new world of sensations. If you aren’t ready for e-stim, then think about Nuru massages. These super slippery seaweed gel massages (search nuru massage on a free porn site) can’t be compared to any other feeling. There are hundreds of other sexy options.
Visit Swinger Clubs & Not Play
Swingers clubs are about so much more than having sex. They are friendly support networks where you can enjoy sexuality on your terms. Swinger clubs are still great fun if you aren’t playing with others. You can enjoy adult beverages without worrying about staying sober enough to perform. You can have more fun on the dance floor without worrying about leaving because the playroom waitlist is growing. Swinger clubs are excellent confidence boosters. We see the worst in the mirror, but others can reflect the best that we have trouble seeing ourselves. You may feel insecure about post-mastectomy scars, but others see your beautiful, warm smile and sexy dance moves. It sure is nice hearing others compliment us. If you feel up to it, you can use one of the cub playrooms for a private moment with your own partner.
Boudoir Photoshoot
As we already mentioned, when we look in the mirror, we usually focus on the worst parts. We get caught up in cycles of self-criticism. We can’t see our own fantastic potential. A professional boudoir photo shoot can solve this. A trained photographer can capture our true beauty, making it visible even to our self-critical eyes. Stop being your own harshest critic and learn to love yourself again. You can have your favorite image framed in your bedroom or take a collection of these steamy pictures to create a book to look at when you feel insecure. Another option is for the husband to train himself with YouTube boudoir tutorials. Then buy good equipment and become your own trained photographer for the sexiest person in the world – your wife.
Stag/Bull/Hothusband Scenarios
If a woman isn’t ready to restart the swinging lifestyle, she may feel comfortable letting her partner go out & play solo. He can go out & play with other couples or unicorns. Afterward, he can go home & share the exciting details while he reconnects with the love of his life. Another option is to call the wife at the start of the play date and leave it on speaker so she can follow along with the exciting fun (with consent, of course). Be warned, it’s an uphill challenge for solo male swingers. There are women on vanilla dating apps who are open to playing with married men who can prove they have permission for solo play, but be ready to work harder and have fewer play opportunities.
Patience
Let’s be honest about how big a challenge it can be to feel sexy again after a mastectomy. It often takes a long time to feel sexy in our skin again. We can help things along with encouraging words. Positive self-talk can help shift our perceptions. Having a loving partner share daily affirmations is another way to help with this enormous challenge.
All that said, here are some additional articles that might help you navigate this situation …