So you found a sex party & snagged an invite. You are cruising around so gracefully & enjoying yourself. But how does someone transition from casual conversation to naughty negotiations and sultry sex? First, we need to cut back on those alliterations.
We want to keep our cool. Let’s act like we have seen naked people before and have sex with someone else. Remember, everyone else at the sex party is hoping to have some hot sex. Why else would someone attend a sex party? So let’s walk through the process and make some memories happen.
Sex parties usually start slowly so people can warm up. Even if they start faster with everyone immediately getting naked, we still want to get to know them before any touching happens.
Getting To Know Participants Before Playing
When making conversation, get to know the people you hope to engage with during the orgy. Make note of their preferences and boundaries.
- What are they okay with?
- What do they not want to do?
- Do they enjoy watching or being watched?
- Do they have a favorite sexual activity or sex position?
You should do this not only for their sake but for your own as well. Pay attention to how people talk to you.
- Do they seem respectful of you and your boundaries?
- Do they seem interested in having sex with you?
- Do you feel safe with them?
Ask About Personal Kinks and Fantasies – While talking to others, ask about personal fantasies, kinks, and desires. You might find someone with the same fantasy as you or find yourself exploring something new. If you do have a personal kink, make sure to ask the host whether it’s allowed. Things like scat, watersports, and blood play are forbidden at most sex parties. Make sure your kink is allowed before indulging. Most swinger group parties keep the sex mostly vanilla (besides the non-monogamous aspect).
Communicate Your Desires – Don’t forget to communicate your own desires. Is there a specific way you’d like to be touched? Do you want to try a sexual activity you haven’t experienced? Share your wishes, and you just might find someone willing to fulfill them.
Make Agreements with Others About Sex Acts Before the Sex Starts – Discuss boundaries with your chosen partner or partners before the sex begins. This will help everything run smoothly and can prevent sudden stops or participant exits.
Don’t Take Rejection Personally – Rejection happens. It isn’t personal. When rejected, handle it with composure and grace. Then, find something or someone else to do. Try to have a good attitude even if you’ve been rejected. The party isn’t over. And even when it is, there will always be other parties. Make sure to be someone they’ll want to invite back.
Look Out for Each Other – Keep an eye out for anyone who seems to be drinking too much, is otherwise intoxicated, feels pressured, or appears uncomfortable. Speak to them privately if possible. If not, ask the host to check in on them. The only successful orgy is one where everyone feels safe.
Sex Etiquette for Sex Parties
Watch but Don’t Stare – Voyeurism is great but requires consent, like any other sexual activity. When watching others, make sure they aren’t uncomfortable being watched. If you want to watch for an extended time, check in with the active participants to ensure that is okay with them. Stop and give them some space if someone seems uncomfortable with you watching. And don’t worry. There is likely to be someone else who will get off on being watched. You have to find them.
Wait to Be Invited – If you haven’t negotiated sex with someone before things get going, don’t just jump in and expect to be included. Instead, watch from a polite distance, make eye contact once or twice, and wait to see if they invite you to join. If you’re uncertain, just ask.
Ask Before Joining a Couple or Group – If you see a couple or group having fun and would like to join in, ask to see if they’d like you to participate. They may be glad to have an extra pair of hands or another body. In an orgy, more bodies are almost always a good thing. Just be sure you’re invited.
Ask Before You Touch Someone – Again, consent is everything. Ask before joining, touching someone for the first time, or touching differently. Get consent between various sex acts to ensure your partners are into it.
Ease into Sexual Touching – As in monogamous sex, you’ll want to ease into the sex. Start with kissing, cuddling, massages, or, if they’re already warmed up, a little foreplay. It feels more natural and allows everyone to get comfortable.
Assume Others will Want to Use Protection Unless They Say Otherwise – With non-monogamous sex, protection is a priority, even if everyone has been screened for STIs. Always assume the other party will want to use protection unless they say otherwise. Even if everyone has been screened, there is always some risk during sexual activity. Be as safe as you can for yourself and others.
Check-in with Others During Sex – Make sure your partners are enjoying what you are doing. Moans and other happy sounds can give you a good idea of how things are going, but it can certainly help to ask.
You can ask:
- Do you like what I’m doing?
- Does this feel nice?
- Would you want me to do anything differently?
- Is there anything you’d like to try?
Let Your Partners Know How You Feel – Don’t forget to speak up about how things are going. Let your partners know what feels good to you, what isn’t quite working for you, or what you’d like to try. Communication is important. You can also moan and make other sounds of enjoyment to let your partners know you’re having a good time. Just try not to overdo it. It’s all too easy to go from enthusiastic to sounding insincere or fake.
Don’t Expect Others to be Able to Perform Well, or Even at All – Group sex can be a bit intense, making performance issues even more stressful. It’s easy to get nervous and find yourself unable to perform. Remember that your partners are people just like you, not porn stars. Be considerate of their needs, anxieties, difficulties, and boundaries.
Be Gracious if Someone Changes Their Mind or Can’t Perform – During sex, people sometimes get nervous, change their minds, or become unable to perform. Other times, something that seemed like it would feel great does not work for everyone involved. This is normal and should be handled with kindness and understanding. If someone wants to slow down, change position, or stop altogether, be gracious and thank them for giving it a try. Emotions can run high during sexual situations, but it’s up to you to keep your cool and be as kind to your partners as you want them to be to you.
After Party Etiquette
Take a Moment to Wind Down – Everyone responds differently after sex. Some people need a moment to relax and enjoy the afterglow. Others want to talk about things right away. If you’re the type who likes to talk, make sure to read the room. Do the other people seem receptive to talking, or are they just trying to wind down?
Don’t Expect to Become Friends with Everyone You Meet – After a great sex party, you might feel inclined to pull out your phone and add your new friends on social media. However, some people might not be okay with that. They may want the evening to stay anonymous or be careful about who they add on social media. Instead of rushing to find them on Facebook, ask them if they’d be interested in repeating the encounter or if they’d like to get to know you outside of the sex party scene. Don’t be offended if they say no. Many people in the sex party lifestyle like to keep things private.
Say Thank You – It may seem odd to say thank you after sex, but it’s actually very common to thank participants after a sex party. They’ve given you their time, attention, and maybe an orgasm or two. So, say thanks!
Orgies and other sex parties can get messy and usually require a lot of cleanup. There is trash to take out, beds to strip, laundry to wash, toys to sanitize, and surfaces to wipe down.
Offer to Help Clean Up – When the fun is over, consider staying to help clean up or pick up a bit while everyone is winding down. Being a great guest will make it even more likely that you’ll receive an invitation to the next sex party.
Stay Safe and Have Fun!
Now that you know the basic rules and etiquette of orgies, group sex, and group parties, you’ll be able to relax and enjoy yourself even more! It may seem like a lot to remember, but as long as you are kind, considerate, and try to be a great guest, you should be able to have a fantastic time, meet some interesting new people, and open the door to new invites in the future. So, stay safe, have fun, and get ready for some wild new adventures.
Check out the other parts of this Sex Party Etiquette Mini Guide.