What does it mean to be a swinger? To be honest there is no one answer. Everyone’s journey into swinging is completely different. To best understand what makes a swinger we are going to look at some of the most common reasons people are drawn to the lifestyle and what it does for them.
It is fun.
Plain and simple good old fashioned fun and excitement. As radical as the thought might be having sex was once considered fun. There is a Charles and Ray Eames quote that resonates with many swingers and that quote is “take your pleasure seriously”. How many of us actually do that though? Make our own pleasure in the only life we have, a priority?
Look at it this way, maybe you are by yourself or maybe you and your partner are playing PlayStation and you are both playing your favorite game. You have been playing it for a while so you have gotten pretty good. Eventually, you have found all the secret levels, collected all the coins, and defeated all the bosses. You try starting from the beginning but it is getting repetitive. You get to a point where you have been there done that and seen it all. Then a new shiny multiplayer game comes out. There are so many new levels to take your gaming experiences to and with new people. You talk about it and you are both in agreement. To put the fun back into your favorite game you need to try something new.
You guys get what I am trying to say here right? It is the same for sex. You have completed all the levels you and your partner can go to alone and its not as fun as it was in the beginning. You want that new game feeling back.
So once discussed as a couple you start to explore swinging and suddenly sex is exciting again. There are lots of new things to see and do on your swinger bucket list.
That is what it means to be a swinger in its purest form. When things get stale you don’t just accept it. You understand what is important in life and you take your pleasure very seriously.
Feeling Empowered
We all play different roles in our life. Sometimes on purpose and at other times we just fall into them. It might be that your boss doesn’t take you seriously at work or no matter how hard you try and keep your house clean your kids have it destroyed again in .5 second. Maybe power is just a kink of yours. Whatever the reason, a lot of people enjoy swinging because it makes them feel powerful.
It’s safe to say having sex with multiple women and watching them have sex with each other is right up there when it comes to a typical straight male fantasy. Swinging gives men a safe environment to explore their dominant side where the dialogue is already open.
It’s not just men that can feel empowered from swinging though. A lot of women find having multiple partners maybe even with their significant other watching makes them feel powerful and gives them a sense of control. It can even be a form of escapism. When everything else is out of your control you have a place to go where you can take charge of your sex life and dictate who, what, when, and where.
Grants Freedom
Just like above, swinging can also let anyone who enjoys being submissive act out their fantasy without being judged. It gives them a safe environment to explore this with people they trust who will step in if needed.
It’s no secret that some women like to be submissive in the bedroom. They want a dominant man or men to display their masculinity and possibly even get a little rough. In today’s day and age though that is not something they are supposed to admit to though in case they are labeled anti-feminist. Swinging lets these women take on a submissive role without the guilt.
Men can also enjoy this kink, free from any judgment. Society tells them even more forcefully that they should be manly men who throw their sexual conquests over their shoulder caveman style. Finding a community that will still accept them when they show a more vulnerable side can provide a much need breath of fresh air.
Exploring Sexuality
Everything we have spoken about so far applies to gay couples too of course but swinging can also be a safe place for those who aren’t fully out of the closet. This can also apply to single people but can be an important milestone in a couple’s relationship. If you are privileged enough to have your straight partner tell you they are bi-curious or your gay partner tell you they are finding themselves attracted to the opposite sex. How beautiful is it that they care about you so much and vice versa that they want you to be involved in their exploration?
Swinging also allows openly bisexual people to bring their partner along when they want to satisfy that part of their sexual desires. Including their partner can strengthen their relationship and bring them closer together. It can also help them understand each other on a deeper level.
Feel Desired
How many people are willing to have sex with you? Then how many people want to watch? That can be a real confidence booster or a reminder that you do still got it. Feeling sexually desired and wanted is a huge part of swinging for some people, both singles and couples.
Having that validation that they are still wanted after years in the same relationship or sometimes seeing how much their partner is desired can make you feel on top of the world and often help with low self-esteem issues.
Truly Be Yourself
The world is full of people who are sexually repressed. Be it from how they were brought up, religious beliefs, or numerous other reasons. They can get to a point where they don’t even feel like sexual beings anymore. Swinging allows these people to unleash their alter ego. Participate in acts that their everyday selves would never do or admit to enjoying.
There is liberation in being completely open and unashamed about your deepest darkest fantasies. Taking on a whole new identity and the utter sexiness of having such a secret. Smiling to yourself at your desk on Monday as your colleagues greet you. If they only knew.
These are just a handful of some of the things that will give you an insight into what makes a swinger. In reality, there are millions more. Swingers are as diverse as they are many. What they have in common however is like the quote says they take their pleasure seriously.
Swingers are those people who don’t just dream about these things in the dark when no one is watching. They go out and make themselves a priority. They have the sex that other people wish they were having. They acknowledge the relationships that need some extra spice.
Being a swinger means being brave, being authentic, and learning unconditional trust. It means you have the courage for deep self-discovery, that you care about your partner’s pleasure as much as your own.
Chances are you won’t find a community of people more welcoming, friendly, or respectful as the swingers community. Because what it means to be a swinger is that you practice acceptance. For those around you but most importantly for yourself.