One of the greatest dilemmas of couples tackling the idea of swinging is communication with others. Who should approach other swingers? What is acceptable and what isn’t? Is there any lifestyle etiquette you should abide by? Here is how to manage communication with other swingers in the best possible way.
Online Communication
Most newbie swingers get into the lifestyle by signing up to a swinging website. These sites are just like traditional dating sites, but for couples. Since everybody can create an account here, there is a bit of grunt work to be done screening the preliminary exchanges. You don’t want any fake swingers.
Once your new swinging connection has passed your screening questions, and you are confident that there is a real couple at the other end, the ladies join in. In fact, from this stage on, it is much more common to let the ladies chat and establish important details, such as a first video chat or in-person date.
Swinging etiquette encourages couples to move only as fast as the at the slowest member’s comfort level. Ladies can be a little more in tune to comfort zones and making sure this happens. Not to mention women taking the lead in scheduling makes it easier to ensure your swinger date doesn’t land at a bad time of the month for either of them.
Phone Calls
It is common to exchange phone numbers before going on a date. While there is no rule, it is once again more common for the ladies to swap numbers and have a first chat over the phone. Alternatively, you could engage in a group call so that you can all talk to each other and make the first connection. Many couples like to do a phone call sooner than later so they can voice verify that there is a real couple and not just a single person pretending to be a couple so they can cause trouble.
Phone calls are usually handled by the same sex, ladies calling ladies & men calling men. This helps to minimize any chance of accidental jealous feelings or misunderstandings among newer swinger. If you aren’t sure about the other couple’s comfort level, you should ask before calling. Assuming they are comfortable without checking could be considered rude. When in doubt, ask via a group text or email, so everyone is equally informed and has the chance to voice their feeling.
To protect your swinger privacy, you can sign up for a separate phone number. There are many free and cheap options available. Most mobile phones can receive and place calls from a secondary number through services like Google Voice, so you won’t need to expose your vanilla phone number used by your family, friends, work & school. You can also buy a prepaid mobile phone aka burner phone, to completely separate your swinging life from your vanilla world.
Texting
Most of your swinger communication is going to be via text. People (especially younger swingers) tend to prefer texts over phone calls. Many swingers like to use separate apps like secure swinger communication for texting with their swinger friends to help protect privacy. Many of the virtual phone number services, including Google Voice, allow texting as well. Be careful with the archive settings of whatever text program you use. If you have kids that like to play on your phone or nosy friends, you might want to regularly delete your older text messages or place them behind a password. If you exchange pictures via text (especially naughty pictures), be careful where they are stored on your phone. If you use just one photo gallery for your vanilla family pictures and your swinging pictures, you might accidentally out yourself when trying to show vanilla pictures but swiping too far and displaying swinging pictures. It is best to delete naughty pictures or store them in a password protected area.
In-Person Chatting
Wondering what to say or not say when meeting swingers in real life? In-person communication should be natural; however, this doesn’t mean that there isn’t etiquette to follow.
Start with greetings, a handshake or a friendly hug is enough for the first time. Swinging is not only about having sex; it’s a lifestyle that involves friendly socialization. Swingers tend to enjoy knowing who they are taking to bed, so flirting between swingers and building a connection is essential.
Start with easy topics before getting into anything swinging and sex-related. The good old “talking about the weather” makes for a great start. Move on to slightly more personal yet still soft questions.
For instance, you can ask them how they met or how they got into swinging. If the conversation is going well and you like each other, you can start asking more hardcore questions. A good way to move the conversation that way is by asking what swinging clubs they enjoy.
This could be a clear indicator of their swinging style. However, if you’re not familiar with the various swinging styles, or if they don’t enjoy swinging clubs at all, you can ask more intimate questions regarding the type of sex they like and what a perfect swinging night means to them.
Finding out whether they like soft swaps or full swaps or talking openly about your swinging ideas and expectations can make you understand if you’re a good fit.
What to Avoid
While managing communication is quite simple, there are things to avoid and other things to pay attention to.
- Don’t bring up any hot button topics
At least not until you know each other well enough to talk about anything. Keep things light and entertaining avoiding topics such as money, politics, or religion. Talking about sports, weather, traveling, or hobbies is a much better idea. - Don’t be nosy
Just as you appreciate your privacy, other swingers do too. In this lifestyle, everyone enjoys discretion. Your new friends might not be so eager to share things from their private lives with you. Avoid asking about their jobs, the school they attended, or whether they have kids. They’ll share all these details if and when they choose to do so. At the same time, don’t feel obligated to answer any of these questions if the couple you met is nosy. Just drift the conversation towards a small talk topic if you’re not comfortable with the discussion. - Don’t gossip
If this is not your first swinging experience, don’t share all the details of how your other encounters went. It’s okay to mention what you like or dislike, but getting into details about what you did or talked with someone else is not nice. If you’ve met the swingers at a swinging club and have common acquaintances, don’t talk badly about anyone. Also, pay attention if they name other swingers and the amount of detail they reveal. If they talk about other people in front of you, they will also talk about you in front of the others. Depending on how discreet you like to be, this could be a deal-breaker.Remember…
Getting into swinging can be amazing, but this lifestyle comes with a few unwritten rules. Managing communication with other swingers may require more diplomacy and discretion than communicating with your partner or vanilla friends. Nevertheless, we hope the guidelines above will help you have a smooth entry into this world.