Non-monogamy comes in many forms. There is polyamory, open relationships, closed triads, and more, from couples exploring with a casual third for sex to more serious multiple relationships.
Swinging is one of the more common types of non-monogamy, and it has its own variations within the community. Each person in the swinging scene will do things a little differently to the next person and have slightly different experiences if you ask what it is like to be a swinger. It mostly depends on how you are swinging, who with, and where.
Different ways of swinging
Usually, swingers are long-term couples, who have sex with other long-term couples without any emotional or romantic attachment. This can be as a foursome, husband/wife swapping, or any other variation. Some people prefer to go solo and others prefer to only be involved if their partner is in the same room or at the same event.
There are also a variety of combinations you can explore with your hookups:
Soft swap couples
Soft swap couples only indulge in foreplay (including oral, touching, kissing, and stroking) and not penetrative sex.
Full swap couples
The most standard type of swinging, full swap couples do have penetrative sex – as well as all of the fun foreplay stuff.
Ménage a Trois
A ménage a trois is a type of threesome where everyone in bed is involved with each other.
Bisexual / Bicurious
These bi hookups are where the same-sex partners of a straight couple explore their sexuality by playing with each other. Ladies enjoying ladies & men enjoying men.
Group Orgy
Group sex can involve any number of combinations and any number of people (more than two, of course). The boundaries and expectations will be different between groups, sometimes with some individuals not interacting with others in bed (often based on their sexual orientation) and sometimes everyone
Voyeurism and Exhibition
Voyeurism (watching other people have sex) and exhibitionism (being watched while having sex) are common in the swinging lifestyle. Both are welcomed on the scene, as long as everyone involved consents.
Different People To Swing With
Everyone will tell you different stories about how they met their swinging partners; they might have been old school friends, colleagues, or met somewhere on the swinging scene. However, you’ve met your partners will define your experience. If they are people close to you already, it can be awkward to navigate ‘real-life’ again. Normal things like going for coffee can become a bit weird, but it is an awkwardness that passes. If you’re strangers, this can bring its own awkwardness too as you learn how to read their body language and how they communicate. Do they like what you’re doing? What if their partner gets jealous? Whoever your swinging partners, many people agree that seeing the same people a few times can make the experience more pleasurable as you become more comfortable around each other.
Different Environments To Swing In
The experience will be widely different depending on the setting. There are many places where you can go swinging. Swingers’ parties can be intimidating because they’re louder and busier than a privately arranged event. The parties usually resemble the same as any other party at first glance – people dancing on the dance floor, enjoying a drink, stand around talking with friends, maybe sexy flirting. It’s only when you look closer you notice the couples and foursomes (and more) sneaking off onto the sidelines for some fun. There isn’t any pressure to have sex, and it’s completely okay to enjoy your night just hanging out with your friends and enjoying the atmosphere of the party.
Parties at people’s houses are more low-key. Usually, the hosts will serve snacks and drinks, and the evening starts with everyone chatting together and getting to know each other. Old friends might have a catch-up, two women might start flirting with each other, and a couple of couples might excuse themselves to the bedroom. It feels a lot like a high school house party, though without the loud music or excessive drinking. If you’re new to swinging, this might be the best place to start exploring, as it feels safe and intimate, without too much pressure. Everyone will know you’re new, and nobody will expect you to get involved with anything if you don’t want to.
There are also informal events that you can arrange between your friends or using online dating or however you have found your other partners. This might be at your own house, at their house, or you can get creative and find other ways to meet up like at hotels. This is the most intimate way of swinging but, particularly if your group meets frequently, it can be the most rewarding as there are fewer distractions and more time together.
Ultimately, the lives of swingers are not much different from the lives of anyone else. It is important to respect boundaries (both your own, and anyone you are sleeping with), make sure you have consent, and practice safe sex.
There might be more sex or more partners, but these swinging relationships remain built of trust, love, and having fun together.