Your teachers probably never taught you the proper etiquette when it comes to having a sexy time with another person’s partner. We don’t know why they skipped this vital lesson in life, but it’s time we rectified that mistake. Here are some tried-and-true etiquette lessons to help you minimize your embarrassment and increase your fun.
When meeting fresh faces…
Engage both people when meeting a couple. You want to show that you respect both of them, no matter what naughty thing is running through your mind about one of them. Showing respect now is your way of showing that you can be trusted to respect their rules and boundaries later on in the bedroom. If you are at a swinger-only event, you can greet them with a cozy hug and a light kiss. In more vanilla settings, you’ll probably want to stick to handshakes.
How to approach a new couple…
Usually, swingers will have the ladies approach each other to start the conversation. Yes, guys can make the first contact – remember to engage the man and the lady. Too many guys think they are in a bar trying to pick up single women, and that attitude doesn’t work in the lifestyle. Be very careful that you don’t accidentally come across as an aggressive male unless you like rejection and getting kicked out.
Be polite and show respect to both people in the couple. Compliment them on something and then ask them an open-ended question. If they are in a group talking with others, wait for a lull in the conversation. Apologize for interrupting and ask if it is a private conversation or if you can join. Then quickly compliment them. Everyone loves compliments, so give freely!
When attending a free party…
Bring a present for your hosts, and make sure to seek them out when first arriving. It takes a lot of work to arrange a party, so be thoughtful and bring them a bottle of wine or sexy lube along with your own booze (if it is a BYOB party). It’s hard to say which swinger gift they’d like best, but they’ll appreciate the thought behind the gesture!
When attending a paid party…
Do your best to avoid last-minute no-shows. Swinger events often sell out, and being a no-show prevents another couple from being able to attend. Be a respectful attendee. Make sure to tip the servers. There are many costs involved in running a swinger party. Organizers usually do this as a service for the community since the profit margins are often razor-thin. Don’t ruin a good thing: be respectful of the venue and the organizers.
When getting a hotel room…
Wait as long as you can before booking a hotel room since swingers can be flaky and cancel at the last minute. Expect to pay for the room yourself. It is polite for other people to offer to split expenses, but they are often so excited about the sexy time they forget. If you are the other couple, make sure to contribute to the room. If your play partners don’t take the money, then bring some snacks and drinks to share.
When not playing with others…
You can most certainly attend any swinger event and not play with others. Just be upfront and open about your plans, so there is no confusion. If anyone asks if they can join your sexy play, politely decline them and keep having your private fun.
When watching others…
Keep a respectful distance from the action and don’t distract them. It is ok to watch other swingers if you are respectful. If they can touch you, smell you, or hear you, then you are too close. You are not a porn director, so mind yourself. Some people really enjoy putting on a hot show for you, but no one likes getting distracted and derailed from their hot, explosive finish!
When changing partners…
Make sure always to use a fresh condom. Then ask your new partner about what they want. We are all unique and have our own preferences. Don’t just assume and start doing your thing. It is much more fun when it is a joint effort.
When finishing…
Guys, before you start playing, ask where you should finish so you know what is and isn’t allowed. Many full swap swingers assume they can finish inside, but others feel this is taboo and extremely upset.
Ladies, when you get close to climaxing, try your best not to claw your guy. Remember, this is a lending library, and you need to return him in the same condition you got him, so no bite or nail marks. If you are a squirter, you should give the guy a heads-up before you start to play because it can freak some guys out (though many will find it hot!). Both partners should give some warning as they get close to finishing so there are no surprises, and everyone can better enjoy each other’s sexy explosion.
After you have played with a couple…
Send them flowers…just kidding! Many swingers would freak out if you knew their full name and street address to send flowers. It’s nice to send a “thank you” text or email the next day. If you would like to play again, offer it. Don’t turn into a stage-5 creepy clinger. If they don’t respond, don’t stalk them. We all have busy lives, and they might be extra busy right now.
How to decline another couple…
You are going to have some couples asking if you’re interested in playing with them. Be polite and honest, and don’t overshare. Just say “no thanks.” You don’t need to defend your rejection. It would be nice to compliment something about them first and then say, “But we just aren’t a good match.” If you want to give a reason, keep it general to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings. You can say you don’t feel a four-way connection; they don’t need to know that you think one of them is hideous or maybe one of them is so hot it is causing possible jealous feelings.
How to react when you see swingers in the vanilla world…
Act cool. If they are with people, keep your distance. If they are alone, you can cautiously approach for a very discreet vanilla greeting. You don’t want to accidentally expose someone as a swinger or make them feel uncomfortable. When in doubt, don’t approach them. Say hello with your eyes from a healthy distance. You can privately message them later without risking anything.