Whether you are new to swinging or having been in the lifestyle for years, orgies might not be on your playlist just yet. For some people, participating in an orgy is at the top of their bucket list but they haven’t found the right opportunity. For others, the thought of getting it on in a large group has only recently become a turn on. Wherever you fall on the spectrum of interest, it can be helpful to reflect on the potential benefits and drawbacks.
The Appeal of Orgies
Large group play, or orgies, are many people’s greatest fantasy. partly because they combine several fantasy types into one incredible experience. In general, there are four types of fantasy. There are exploratory fantasies like group and same-sex play, intimate fantasies like kissing and oral sex, impersonal fantasies like watching others, and sadomasochist fantasies like being spanked or whipped. Engaging in an orgy with your life partner and a bunch of other sexy people can be a mind-blowing sexual adventure.
One of the most common reasons couples start swinging is to fight the bedroom boredom that can result from having sex with just one person for an extended period of time. Another reason often cited for swinging is to capture the thrill associated with challenging cultural norms. In other words, sharing a dirty little sex secret with their partner is a huge turn-on. Participating in an orgy can certainly be considered the ultimate taboo as it presents practically a smorgasbord of potential sex partners all looking to be very naughty with others.
An orgy might also offer an opportunity to explore more dimensions of your sexuality. Though women who identify as bisexual or bi-playful are very common in the lifestyle, many men interested in exploring same-sex play report having a harder time finding other men openly willing to explore with them. Some swingers have reported that the supercharged atmosphere or orgies can sometimes be more accepting of bi-curious and bi-sexual men.
Potential Drawbacks
For some swingers, the thought of an orgy is anything but sexy. Some people in the lifestyle really enjoy getting to know others and forming a connection before engaging in any sexual activity. This type of play isn’t very compatible with orgy play, which can sometimes feel almost a little anonymous if you haven’t already met and connected with the people who will be participating.
As with any type of swinging event, an orgy can expose you to feelings of insecurity, rejection, and jealousy. People who have a high need for acceptance or reassurance from others might find themselves feeling rejected if they do not get sufficient attention from others in the orgy. Jealousy is often linked to a greater amount of time spent with another person and perceived inequity in the type or amount of intimacy. The dynamics of an orgy may trigger feelings of jealousy even in veteran swingers who have not struggled with this before. This can also be true for folks who typically embrace more of a voyeur role and get off on seeing their partner playing with others if it seems he or she is spending too much time focusing on a particular person.
Orgies reveal some interesting gender differences in how we fantasize. Men tend to actively create more impersonal and visual fantasies while women’s fantasies are often more romantic in nature. Women tend to have fewer fantasies related to large group play. Moreover, men fantasize more when not feeling sexually fulfilled, while women have more fantasies when they are content with their sexual life. These gender differences can contribute to confusion about a partner’s expectations for large group play so communication beforehand is particularly important.
How to Prepare
If you’ve been swinging for a while, you and your partner may have dropped the habit of talking about expectations before a lifestyle event. Get back in the habit before participating in an orgy since it is a very different experience than just going to a club or out on a date. Make sure you talk about your limits and create both verbal and nonverbal signals to communicate with each other before and during play. While you are at the event, communication with all of your partners is also a key element to make sure everyone is satisfied.
Get as many details as possible so you know what to expect before the event. Some people will want to know things like who the other guests will be and if there will be any private spaces available during the party. If the orgy is a regular event but you are going for the first time, you may want to know what kind of sexual activity is typical. event. Only take part in events that match your needs. If you are not comfortable with BDSM and the orgy you are considering is known for a heavy kink focus, it probably won’t be the best experience for you.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that a ton of alcohol is a good social lubricant. Consent and communication are as essential during orgies as they are during other lifestyle events. Moreover, alcohol can amplify your emotions, including the negative ones, which can ruin a beautiful evening and make you depressed or aggressive. There are other ways to feel more comfortable around new people, like learning how to be more confident, not caring about what others think, and understanding that most people appreciate honesty. Feeling more at ease during swinger events usually comes with experience.
And finally, make sure you use condoms. No one wants to feel anxious while thinking about the risk of getting an STI.
Only you can tell if group play or orgies are right for your relationship. Think about what matters to you and your partner. If there are more pros than cons, think about giving it a try.