Dating younger swingers can be intimidating for a whole lot of reasons. Yet, most of those reasons don’t have to do anything with the number that represents the age, but with our understanding of what the age difference assumes.
What you read into the age gap defines your attitude towards younger swingers. That can cause you to incorrectly assess lifestyle situations and miss out on plenty of fun opportunities.
How old are you? vs. How old do you feel?
Some people long for the quiet serenity of retirement at the age of 30. THen Some are as vibrant in their 60s as they were in their 40s. Most people are more sexually aware in their 40s than in their 20s.
Nevertheless, we get stuck on the age gap as if it was our age that defines the quality of connections we make.
How we feel or think of ourselves, or what we see in the mirror may be completely different from what we would expect of our age. Your experience of your age may be completely different from what the numbers show.
Let us demonstrate how your experience of age can be broader than a single number.
Fill in the gap with a number that represents the age.
I am _______ years old. When others first see me, most would say I am _____ year old. Once they get to know me, they would say I am ______ year old.
My partner and I feel like we are in our ______’s.
We are as sexually active as _____-year-olds. Our best company is the people in their _____’s. We have fun as if we were ____ old.
I have the life experience of a _____-year-old. My spirit is as young as _____. My energy level matches the level of a ____-year-old.
Now, look at the numbers.
Are they the same or different?
If the numbers are the same, your perception of your age is likely to be one-dimensional. You are seeing all that you are through the prism of a single number.
However, we believe that your numbers differ from each other – which means that your age is really more than just a number.
What are you really insecure about?
The age is usually a cover-up for another fear.
Am I attractive enough?
Will they think I am too old to keep up with them?
My skin is not the way it used to be.
What if I cannot satisfy him/her the way a younger woman/man would?
We may feel that dating younger swingers would confront us with an image that we do not want to see – the one that shows that we are in some way –aging. We may think of them as being able to validate our youth when we are looking for proof that “we can still make it”.
If you are in the trenches with your own insecurities, maybe it is worthwhile to give yourself a chance to think about why it is important for you to date younger swingers. The lifestyle is about getting to enjoy the expansion of boundaries, not about finding reasons to see yourself as inadequate.
So, what is it in younger swingers that you find tempting?
What can younger swingers offer that your own age group or older cannot?
Reflect on your reasons.
Discuss them with your partner.
Don’t assume you know what younger swingers want
Yes, you have been as young as they are. Still, that doesn’t mean that your needs back then and their needs now are the same. You may not have been into swinging at their age. Or, you may have been, but for different reasons and with different preferences.
While the age on your driver license may be older than you look or feel, they may feel or think of themselves older than their age. Just as you are considering younger swingers to date, they may be looking for older swingers.
As far as you know, you may be just what they are looking for. The age you consider to be your disadvantage maybe their selection criterion. The word “older” may ring in your ears loud enough to scare your confidence away. What if we replaced it with wiser, more experienced, mature, accomplished, or reliable?
All of the above can be sensual and sexual as any of the physical traits you may feel you no longer have or the interests and ambitions you may have outgrown.
Different ages can enjoy swinging for the same reasons
Drop the assumptions and start learning. If an individual or a couple agrees to have a date with you, give it your best to understand how compatible your needs are.
If they accepted to go on a date with you (knowing your age) – age is unlikely to be a deal-breaker. Out of fear that it may become, most older couples behave as if it were., which turns out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
In the end – the deal breaker is your attitude, not your age.
What should you do instead?
Try to understand what they are looking for and communicate what you are looking for.
Remember the wonders you bring into the lifestyle.
Your age may be your advantage in the swinging dating market. Do not roll your eyes! Seriously, think about it. Your age may carry the experience and maturity that younger couples can be envious of.
At the same time, what makes you – you, is not (just) how old you are. Your energy, curiosity, wits, sexual awareness, your adventurous spirit, intellect, or humor are also a part of your appeal to other swingers.
Do an inventory of your traits, skills, and talents.
When the magnifying glass is only above what we feel we miss, all the wonderful things that we do have seem small. We need to broaden our sight to encompass all that is interesting, fun, sensual, inspiring, and appealing about what we are.
Compensate for what you cannot change.
If you feel like younger couples want more than you can offer – do some real research. Put in some extra effort to find out what it is that they want and ask them. If age is a relevant factor to them, try to understand why and how relevant it is.
Though we speak of “younger swingers” as a category, it’s important to remember that there are a lot of differences between individuals in the same age group. Take a moment and ask yourself – how many individuals or couples your age do you know that are exactly like you?
Notice your own prejudice about what younger swingers want or need.
Complete the sentences:
Younger swingers are ________________ .
What you can expect from younger swingers is _____________ .
Most younger swingers would not _____________ .
Younger swingers may also have a certain set of prejudice around your age. (which has nothing to do with you!) Their ideas of what you bring into a relationship may be totally off. You may be the first older person or couple in swinging they had a chance to meet or consider a swinging relationship with.
Use the opportunity to date younger swingers to learn more about ways you can expand your self-expression and broaden the scope of your experiences – not to put yourself down.
Don’t trap yourself in the “age” box.
You did not force your sexuality or libido into one. Why do that to another part of you?
Insecurities sneak upon us. When they do so, give them a benefit of a doubt.
Do not take them as the truths about who you are.
Remember, you define who you are!