When entering the swinging lifestyle, it’s common to feel somewhat confused, vulnerable, or even exposed. You’re not sure what this new phase of your life will bring for you, but at the same time, swinging feels exciting and makes your life a lot more thrilling.
When you spend most of your time with your significant other, whether wife/husband or a boyfriend/girlfriend, it can become routine & repetitive. Predictability doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your relationship, and it may not even happen to you. But you don’t have to deny that feeling if things do begin to feel stale. It’s human nature to want to shake things up a little.
Swinging can look like the perfect answer when things start feeling a little dull because you get the best of both worlds. You get to stay with your beloved while also experiencing some variety. The swinger lifestyle allows you to venture out of your shell and experience a whole new world while still being in a loving relationship that fulfills you emotionally.
Swinging is not always as easy as it looks. There is a lot behind the curtains that most couples don’t discuss. Although a swinging relationship will introduce thrill and excitement, it can also adversely affect the couple or an individual’s self-image.
Why might swingers feel vulnerable?
There are several different reasons why swingers might feel vulnerable.
Perhaps these insecure feelings stem from their partner moving too fast and not taking enough time to address concerns as a team. Even minor worries can grow into significant issues if they are ignored for too long.
Some swingers feel vulnerable when their significant other garners more attention. In this scenario, it is not unusual to have conflicting feelings. On the one hand, you’re probably proud that new people recognize your partner as attractive, fun, and desirable. (Obviously, you have great taste!) On the other hand, you may feel like you are always playing catch up with people who seem less interested in you. It’s important to remember that perception is not reality. People have different ways of expressing their interests and also connect at different speeds.
Overcoming Feeling Vulnerable
The first step in resolving these vulnerable feelings is to remind ourselves that feeling vulnerable is okay. We should also remind ourselves that we have the power to expand our comfort zone. We can step up our game and take the reins of our sexy adventure. Here are some specific steps you can take to bolster your confidence.
- Be confident.
This sounds like something you would say to a child before their big game but it also works for us big kids. Many swingers suffer from low self-confidence when they enter the swinging lifestyle. You are not the only one to doubt yourself. This might be the core reason why you’re struggling with flirting with other swingers. Your lack of confidence not only undermines you mentally but can also be visible in your body language, pushing people away. Remember that swingers are swingers because they are looking to make friends. The odds are in your favor that new connections will become new friends of yours. The swinging lifestyle enjoys making new friends. Give yourself the freedom to enjoy that. Instead of focusing on what may go wrong, focus more on what would happen if things go well. These positive thoughts can help you feel more confident and create a self-fulfilling spiral of success.
- Be open with your partner.
Although you are in a non-monogamous relationship, you are still a couple and there for each other. Swinging only gives momentary bliss. It’s important to realize that you are not alone in the lifestyle; your partner is involved too. You can have insecurities, it’s natural, but it is also important to inform your partner on how you feel about this. If you feel the unequal distribution of attention, tell your partner! If you feel worried about the swinging lifestyle, talk to your partner about your concerns! Communication is the key. A sentence that is said to couples daily, it’s time to act on it. A swinging couple can face some problems early in this lifestyle or later on, so you must be on the same page. Be open with your partner. Discuss your swinging endeavors, the problems you faced, and everything in between. You guys are on the same team, so let your partner in, and maybe they can even help you by landing you some good partners in the future!
- Take a break.
Life can become hard when you are constantly trying but not gaining results. If the swinging lifestyle creates friction between a couple, it is time for a break. Spend some quality time with your partner again. Focus on the amazing sex life with your own partner. Be intimate with them more than you were before. You can explore different fetishes or toys to keep it fresh & original. Remember that a good swinging lifestyle experience happens when you are in a good place in your own relationship.
- Work on yourself.
As harsh as it sounds, it’s true. None of us are perfect. We can tweak our wardrobes to give us a confidence boost. Spend a little more time at the gym to feel & look better. Some extra pampering & self-care can work wonders on our emotional well-being and our swinging success. For the best chances of swinging success, invest in yourself.
- Be confident.
It’s important to realize that you are worthy. You have already landed the most desirable person in the room, so you have nothing to prove to anyone. If you don’t connect with anyone new during a night out in the lifestyle, you still get to go home with the person you love.
Relax. Be yourself and let your personality shine through any fear. Being comfortable in your own skin and genuinely interested in getting to know others are the keys to success. And don’t forget to initiate! Just because other swingers are not coming towards you and not starting a conversation, that doesn’t mean they aren’t interested. Many swingers are simply shy.
Smile, approach them, and weave your magic spell. If it doesn’t work on one, try on another! There is no need to give up when the core of swinging is to have fun with new friends. Think of it as an experiment and practice your flirting techniques. You’ll have a great time collecting data!