Hollywood does a great job portraying swingers as non-stop sex machines. But is that real? There is no simple answer to that question because all swingers are in different situations. Each swinging couple will have a different experience than their swinger friends, and many couples who feel comfortable playing separately can even have a different experience than their spouse.
What Actual Research Finds
In 2020, we surveyed over 1,000 swingers in our State of Play study. That research found 51.4% of active swingers reported between 1-5 annual swinger partners. Another 26% of active swingers had between 6-10 partners.
Yes, there are some overachievers, but the vast majority of swingers have less than 1 partner a month, and almost half only have about 1 play partner every 3 months.
Why Low Numbers?
Those low numbers might surprise some people, but it makes sense. We all have busy vanilla lives. It is not easy to take care of our family, handle our careers, & still find enough time for our special partner. Now try to find a free weekend in your crazy schedule to go on a swinger date with another couple.
That is assuming you can find a compatible swinger couple. You have your personal attraction scale, your partner has their particular requirements, and the other couple has their preferences. Finding a swinging couple to build a four-way connection that makes everyone happy & comfortable isn’t easy. So it takes time to find potential swinging partners, screening them to ensure there is a good match before you can even get to the point of scheduling a date.
Even if you go to a swinger club, where most people are hoping to play that night, don’t be surprised if you don’t find new play partners most nights. That’s ok. When the worst case is going home with the hottest person at the club (hint: that’s your partner), we must admit we are all living a good life.
What is the Right Amount?
You do you. There is no right or wrong amount. We all have different preferences. As long as you are happy and act ethically towards your special partner and your swinging partners, it is all good.
If you want to be picky & wait for the perfect match, then go ahead and wait. And wait some more if you need to. Your numbers might be lower than others, but who cares. It is your number, so it can be whatever you want it to be.
If you have free time and want to set a record for the number of sexual experiences in a lifetime, go for it. Have a different partner each week or have a few partners every week. There is nothing wrong with exercising your sexual freedom in a responsible manner.
How to Handle Mismatch of Interest?
Swinging is generally a team sport of couples playing together. Sometimes you might find your circumstances will lead you to experiment with playing separately. Maybe one of you is overloaded with business travel, and the other one is bored at home. Perhaps one of you has a less active sex drive or a specific fantasy that doesn’t interest your partner. Don’t worry; there are several options you can consider.
You don’t have to play as a couple. One of you can go on solo playdates. Hotwifing is growing in popularity as more women are looking into playing separately. Men, you too can play separately in the swinging world. It will be harder for men (sorry, supply vs. demand) but still workable, especially if you are open to participating in group play scenarios.
You can still play as a couple but with a different dynamic. One of you can be a voyeur while the other person actively participates. Watching is a great option when couples are dealing with long-distance situations like business trips. Technology now makes it easy to have your partner listen in or even watch a live video feed of you having fun. There are also Bluetooth sex toys that allow everyone to participate even if you can’t be in the same room.