Let’s be honest, it doesn’t matter if you talk about it or not – if you’re an adult you have sexual fantasies about strangers: celebrities, the guy you met at Subway, your coworker, or just anyone. Yes, even if you’re a married woman. Hell, maybe especially if you’re a married woman.
But we’ve been taught that sex is a bad thing to talk about. Especially sex outside of marriage. So we suppress our feelings to save ourselves the guilt. But not all of us. Some people openly declare their sexual fantasies and go satisfy them. This is where the words ‘hotwifing’ and ‘swinging’ come in.
Comparing hotwifing vs swinging is like drawing differences between Coke and Pepsi. On the surface, they’re very similar and only a tad bit different. In this article, I’ll explain the difference between hotwifing, swinging and cuckolding. I’ll explain why anyone would want to pursue this sort of relationship and explore the psychology behind it.
Ready? Let’s dig in!
What Is Hotwifing?
Hotwifing is the practice of a married woman sexually engaging with another man outside of her marriage. And no, it’s not called cheating. The difference here is the husband gives his full consent and even encouragement in situations of hotwifing.
A hotwife is also sometimes called ‘vixen’, ‘sex wife’, ‘slut wife’, ‘shared wife’, or ‘cuckoldress’. Technically these terms mean slightly different things. Honestly, too many people using these terms don’t bother to learn the small but distinct differences so don’t be surprised if you hear other people use these terms interchangeably.
What Is Cuckolding?
Another concept to know here is cuckolding. This is where the husband is sexually turned on watching his wife having sex with another man. It is basically hotwifing with the focus more on the power dynamic of the married man being embarrassed and ‘losing’ to a better man.
The husband is referred to as the ‘cuckold’ and his wife the ‘cuckoldress’ or ‘hotwife’. The man outside marriage she’s sexually engaged with is the ‘bull’. Does the word ‘cuckold’ sound familiar? Yeah, a cuckoo. Well, a cuckoo lays its eggs in another bird’s nest which is kinda similar to the hotwife opening herself to different sexual relationships.
What Is Swinging?
So now you know that in hotwifing, it’s only the woman who’s involved in a sexual relationship outside marriage. Now you must be wondering, isn’t it possible that both partners have sex outside of their marriage with each other’s consent? Yeah, it is possible and we call it swinging.
Hotwifing vs swinging are two concepts often compared and confused. In swinging, the partners choose to have consensual non-monogamous pleasure often together swapping in the same room with another couple. Each couple sets their own rules of how their swinging is going to work.
Now you might think that swinging happens only when both partners are not happy with their relationship, emotionally and sexually. But actually that’s not true.
Couples who swing deeply trust each other. It’s one of the core conditions of swinging. Each partner knows that their main partner is the most important person in their life that they’ll keep coming back to no matter what. So if a couple is really happy with one another, why would they find someone else outside marriage to have a sexual relationship with?
Well, because of a lot of reasons. Maybe they enjoy variety and don’t want the same thing every night. Maybe they want to do something more exciting. Maybe they are bisexual swingers. There are many valid reasons for being attracted to swinging with other people.
Swinging can really spice things up in the bedroom when both parties don’t feel any pressure from their significant other. The couples enjoy role-playing, create exciting scenarios and have fun doing all of this. What’s more, the couples even end up building lasting friendships with other swingers.
It can be psychologically healthy as it gives each partner an ego boost, enhances their self-esteem and lifts their mood. All of this can be achieved if both partners set rules in this non-monogamous relationship and follow them.
In case you’re wondering, swinging can turn into cheating when one partner breaks the rules and starts keeping secrets from the other partner. The whole point of swinging is having each other’s consent and being aware of any sexual relationship outside marriage.
Hotwifing vs Swinging: What Else Is Different?
In hotwifing, the guy entering the relationship has to make sure he’s compatible with the hotwife. In swinging, both couples have to be sexually compatible with each other to enjoy their swapping together and avoid negative feelings like jealousy or insecurity. Swinging usually involves more socializing to find a good four-way connection with another couple.
Another thing to know is the play style of the couples. Do they want full swap sex or only soft swap with foreplay and oral attention. Some couples can’t figure out what they want or what will work best for them, which is often the most challenging part.
In hotwifing, the husband may be interested in personally witnessing his wife have fun & other husbands only want to give permission to her but never witness it.
Now the next important question.
Why Would A Married Woman Want To Be A Hotwife?
If a wife really loves her husband, why would she want to have sex with another man?
Well, it’s for the good of both parties. If you’re a married woman reading this (whether or not you’re a hotwife), it won’t be wrong to say you fantasized about having sex with another man. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s how human beings are wired.
Sigmund Freud theorized that humans are driven by sexual energy. He called it ‘libido’ Besides, being sexually fulfilled releases hormones that lift our mood and keep us mentally healthy.
There are several reasons why a woman would want to be a hotwife besides wanting to fulfill a sexual fantasy.
- She wants to feel desired.
- She enjoys the thrill of doing something considered taboo.
- She wants to bring the spark back in her marriage.
So if a wife realizes she’s not completely sexually fulfilled in her relationship with her main partner, what’s wrong with admitting this to him? It’s a better to be honest than to be curious and possibly explore cheating.
Why Would A Husband Want His Wife To Be A Hotwife?
Some husbands encourage hotwifing. But why? Well, what is more loving than to want the love of your life to be pleasured? Not all couples may feel comfortable with this but for some couples they feel enough love & trust to explore their desires in a consensual & honest manner.
There are many other reasons a married women would encourage hotwifing. Maybe he has performance anxiety and wants to bring in another man to perform to reduce his stress of performing. Maybe he doesn’t want to always be in control and have to take care of everything. Maybe he enjoys a fetish of other men pleasuring his wife. Maybe they have a mismatched libido in their relationship and this helps them both be satisfied in the manner they prefer. The reasons are as varied as the couples.
The Bottom Line
Hopefully by now you’re clear on the difference between hotwifing vs swinging. You know why any partner would want to indulge in sex outside marriage.
Whether you prefer hotwifing vs swinging or a monogamous relationship, it’s no one’s job to make the decision for you. I am not here to lecture you on which approach is more ethical or better than the other. As a human being, you have a sex drive (libido) and different sexual needs than someone else. Maybe your partner fulfills all of your needs, maybe they don’t.
If they do, then it’s perfectly okay to continue with a monogamous relationship.
If they don’t, then sit down to have a conversation with your partner. Be open and honest to them about your feelings. If they really love you, they will support. In the best of marriages, both partners are loyal and trusting of each other.
You get to decide together the rules in your own marriage.