Are you worried about keeping your swinging lifestyle fun private? Are you looking for an excellent cover to keep your swinging fun a secret?
Relax. Your friends at Swingers Help are here to help you ease away those worries.
Stop & Ask Yourself: Why?
You may feel like you need a cover story for your swinging outings, but do you? It depends on your risks. If being outed as a swinger could jeopardize your livelihood or put your kids at risk of being bullied, lying to protect your family might make sense. If you are worried about a little temporary embarrassment, a lie might be more trouble than it is worth.
You are a grown adult with a great loving partner. Societal attitudes are changing (though not fast enough in certain areas). You might be lucky enough to be able to live your life without needing any cover stories or lies.
If you aren’t that lucky, keep reading.
Elements of Good Swinger Lies
- Keep it simple & short. The fewer details provided, the less chance something can be proven inaccurate.
- Prepare it in advance. Agree with your partner about what you both will & won’t say, so your stories match up.
- Bend the truth. An excellent way to keep it simple is to use as much truth as possible. If you are going to a swinger party, tell people you are going to a house party at a friend’s. If you are going to a swinger resort, simply name the resort’s town.
- Don’t engage. The best lie is the one you never use. Don’t volunteer information. Wait for people to ask. If they ask, give them the bare minimum & immediately disengage from the conversation. Say you don’t have time to chat to stop potential follow-up questions.
- Refocus the attention on them. People may ask about you, but many folks are self-absorbed and prefer talking about themselves. If someone asks about your plans, say you are unsure and immediately ask them something about themselves.
- Be confident. You don’t need to explain yourself to others. You are an adult, so act like an adult. Don’t act like you have something to hide.
- Do it online. If you aren’t good at fibbing, then do it online. No one can read facial expressions or body language, which might reveal you, over text or email.
- Keep it consistent. Avoid telling multiple stories to people in the same circle. If they ever compare stories, they won’t find any suspicious discrepancies.
Smarter Scheduling
Yes, most swinging rendezvous happen late at night, but they don’t have to. Remember, the best lie is the one you never need to use. If you already have found a swinger couple online, make a lunch date instead of meeting at the late-night swinger club to avoid having to explain why your evenings are tied up.
This is especially helpful for younger swingers who need babysitters. It is much easier to find a babysitter for the afternoon than to find someone willing to cover late at night. Even if none of you need to worry about babysitters, it is great to play earlier in the day or evening so you all can enjoy a good night’s sleep. Let’s be honest. Partying till 4 am sounds exciting, but the lack of sleep sure isn’t fun the next day.
Weekends can be overloaded with vanilla family events. Don’t be afraid to schedule play dates in the middle of the week instead of on weekends. You can head from your work straight to a hotel to meet your friends. Are you worried about making the work-to-play transition? Good excuse to jump in the shower together and enjoy some naughty foreplay. Being flexible & creative with your scheduling can lead to an easier time for everyone.
Potential Cover Stories For Single Night Parties & Clubs
Think about who will be asking why you’re not available (maybe family, friends, coworkers, or neighbors). Joe from work might buy a story about antiquing, but all your cousins know you can’t tell the difference between mid-century modern and antebellum. Now that you know who, let’s talk about some potential cover stories. You know your situation best, so be smart and adapt these ideas to your situation.
- Going to a Reddit meetup
- Long drive to go stargazing
- Volunteering at a charity dinner
- Relationship counseling seminar
- Attending a concert (check concert listings)
- Having dinner with friends from the gym/work/school/charity/club
- Private dinner date
- Taking a dance class
- Yoga/meditation retreat
- Work event
- Groupon deal for wine & painting class a few towns over
- Boardgame/mahjongg/bridge/poker game night
- Visiting a drive-in movie theater (make sure one is open)
- Author reading at a bookstore in a far town
- Attending a karaoke competition
- Taking massage class
- Going to a sports event (make sure there is one scheduled)
- Attending a wine/beer tasting
- Book club
- Trying out a new food truck/restaurant in a nearby town
Potential Cover Stories For Sleepovers
Again, think about who will be asking what you’re up to. Don’t pick something totally out of character for you.
- Couples retreat/delayed anniversary date
- Sightseeing a nearby city
- Sports tournament
- Attending a college alumni event
- Have your kids do a sleepover at the grandparents
- Attending a convention (comic book, sports, etc.)
- Treating yourself to an overnight trip to a local casino
- Attending a wine/beer tasting and need to sober up before driving
- Golf tournament
- Going camping
- Vacation timeshare sales event
- Visiting a friend in trouble
- Car problems forcing you to stay the night
Alibis for Long Trips
Obviously, these require a little more research, and you’ll want to think about how you’ll stay in touch if you usually check in when out of town.
- Work conference
- Going to a nearby vanilla resort instead of the swinger resort
- Camping
- Going to a music festival
- Food/Wine festival
- Helping a friend move
- Visiting relatives
- Joined a secret swinger cult (they know the cult is a lie & will think the swinger bit is also fake)
Reminders
Keep it simple.
Don’t be lazy.
Do your research.
Psst – have an excellent swinger cover story that you want to share? Drop us a note, and we’ll add it to the list.